@biker I’m out of retirement, at least for now. As a favor. Here’s a bouncing story for you that just happened a few hours ago.
Wednesday 10/26/17
Bouncing 270 minutes
Grand fuckery was afoot tonight. I’m not a superstitious man, but I knew - KNEW - about 10 minutes into my shift that it was going to get rowdy. It was almost like the humid air was holding and amplifying tension throughout the whole bar. I could feel it. I was right.
I tossed five people in total tonight. I told one guy he was cut off, he looked like he was leaving and then I went back outside to check on him. He didn’t wan’t to leave, he wanted to FIGHT! Fuck yes!!! He was a fat little weakling but he was much larger and not nearly as weak as his friends who were holding him back, so he managed to break free and charged at me. With great delight I closed the distance, clinched him and slammed him up against a wall. I was going to move to a takedown next but I was surrounded by about five guys who probably figured I was going to beat him senseless.
That was never my plan. More on that later.
In an impolite tone, I told his friends to get him off of the property. This dumb motherfucker wasn’t having it though, and he kept trying to come at me. I beckoned to him, urging his friends to let him go so we could see what happens next. They didn’t, and managed to get him across the lot. They still weren’t off the property so I followed them out until the police showed up when a neighbor called to complain about the street fighting.
This dumbass greeted the cops with “Fuck you guys!”, and he didn’t need to do much more to convince them to take him away for drunk and disorderly. I knew the cops and told them what happened, making specific note that I did NOT hit him or hurt him during the brief manhandling I gave him. I also noted to them that he was completely unable to inflict any harm on me, and assault should not be among the charges brought.
After telling the cop I didn’t hit him, he pointed out to me that I totally could have, almost as if he was encouraging me to be a little more violent. I’ll keep it under consideration, but I’m pleased with the outcome of a drunk fucker in jail and a completely safe everyone else.
I really hate it when people get involved in my bouncer business. I might enjoy the chance to practice some jiu jitsu on drunk people, but I have absolutely no intention of hurting anyone unless I’m in real danger, which I was not tonight. Truth be told, if they would have let the dumb fuck charge me I would have put him on the ground and gone to work on his drunk and clumsy ass. This would not have involved injuring him, but it might have purged the thoughts of dumbassery from his head if I had him mounted and pinned with maybe an arm lock or some knee-on-belly to get the point across. Maybe he leaves quietly after that, maybe not. No way to know, but I’d prefer NOT trying to reason with and control a whole group of buzzed dudes who want to get involved in my bouncer business.
Instead of a realized jiu jitsu daydream of mine that could have been resolved in 10 or 15 seconds, we had about 10 minutes of this guy being a total drunken fuckhead while he wrestled with his buddies in the street. The neighbors called the cops because of the large and loud group of drunk people loudly fighting in the street. Of course they did. Duh. Now he’s in jail, the dumb fuck.
There was another fight that I wasn’t involved in, and another almost fight that could have gotten really ugly. The details of those events are interesting too, but I’m done with with my bouncing recap for the night. Time for a whiskey and bed.
I have to admit. I really love this shit.