Thursday 6/16/16
First bouncer fight. This event belongs in my log of weight lifting.
I followed a group of wasted knuckleheads outside to find King Shit Knucklehead pissing 3 feet away from the entrance. It was definitely one of the top five longest pisses I’ve ever witnessed, which was mildly impressive to me. Re-entry was denied, and several minutes of drunken babbling ensued.
I had this jackass halfway to his truck before he decided he wanted to get in my face. His two buddies squared up behind him and made it clear they had his back. I was by myself in the lot, so I backed myself into range of the video camera and let them know that they were on film. Quite a bit more drunken babble here as well.
Calm was achieved. No blows were thrown. Then it turns out that these dumb motherfuckers lost their keys. 30 minutes of mostly drunken babble ensued, with King Shit Knucklehead continuing to come back to the door while his buddies searched for the keys. I continued to send him back to the truck. Rinse, repeat.
On his last trip back to see me, a fellow who lifted at my gym for several months and lifted in prison for several years was having a smoke right next to me. King Shit Knucklehead then spoke some incredibly stupid words, issuing severe threats that he was altogether too drunk to even begin to carry out. He got punched and kicked by the gentleman from my gym, which was really a pretty reasonable response.
Then biker buddies of the only person I’ve actually seen do an overhead squat poured outside. We had several minutes of this dude getting beat on by four or five pretty stout bikers while I tried to peel them off of him. I kept yelling out “We don’t need a beatdown”. He got one, despite my best efforts, but I’ll give him credit on taking some serious punishment and standing back up for more. I don’t think he ever even tried to throw a punch, but he just kept running his mouth and getting in people’s faces.
The cops showed up five deep. They go right after all three knuckleheads. King Shit Knucklehead ended up assaulting a cop, earning a brutal take-down and four big cops pig-piling him. His buddy got picked up on a warrant. The truck owner was left standing, but never found his keys. He ended up walking down the street, leaving his truck in the lot.
I don’t have a scratch on me. The most violence I inflicted was a shove of King Shit Knucklehead that put him on the pavement. None of the bikers hit me and neither did their feisty women.
I drank a lot of free whiskey tonight, so it seemed like a good time to log a noteworthy event born from barbells.
I really like this job.