T Nation

Do chicks even care?

Do chicks even care whether or not a guy is ripped. Its weird because when i ddint lift wieght and I was a sack of shit girls used to talk to me all the time. Now that I am 6’0 200 9% bf girls seem to be intimidated? Sure if I go over to them Ill probably get there number, and I get much better looking females. But it seems almost like they expect more out you the worst you look. I mean lifiting doesnt make up for poor social skills or plain being ugly. But i feel i have both decent social skills and look decent, also i dress alright. Sorr yfor the rant

Good Topic! I work with quite a few girls, and let me tell you, they could care less about the muscle thing. I goad some of them into feeling my flexed bicep and all I hear is …eeeewwwwww!! That’s gross! Even better if I lift my pant leg and pose my Calf…they all hate it. I’m in the best shape of my life and my wife tells me I look ridiculous with …all those muscles. So there you have it. Frankly, I could care less…I Body Build for me, not them.

We tend to hold in higher esteem those who share what’s important to us. Goes both ways. Women who hold thier looks as more important will be attracted to a man who does the same (or who she interprets as such). Of course, there’s always the risk of any one who does that to be shallow, egotistical, high-maintenance, etc. The fact that the women you attract at a more “ripped” physique are more attractive may be that they’re looking for the “trophy” boyfriend.

This is why I endeavor to be strong, and not pretty when it comes to weight-training. I also like to hide the fact that I train. But strength is always useful.

Let me tell you a story. I was walking with two sister once. One is gorgeous, the other is overweight (5’11 and about 220lbs). The gorgeous one had a boy-friend with her, and we were all kidding/joking around. She hopped on his shoulders and he ran down the block. You know what I did? I put the 220lb one on my shoulders and chased after them. I am not interested in either girl, but I’ve now got a friend-for-life (who’s in a good relationship now) who will ALWAYS recommend me to her friends (even if they’re married, heh). Why? Because I made her feel light. She knew she is big, and felt jealous of her sister. Picking her up and running with her made her day. Being a sweetie sure helps. Being a strong sweetie is invaluable.

Some do, some don’t. My wife cares I can see the difference in the way she looks at me when I’m leaner. Huge muscles aren’t as impressive as larger than average with lower bodyfat, but not lower than 8%. Too much vascularity or definition is a turn off for the majority of women, even if they think a six pack is cool.

I’ve never been huge or exceedingly ripped but I’m not tiny either. This last summer I got a compliment on how fit I was from an 18 year old daughter of a friend of mine. Teenagers generally aren’t going to go out of their way to say anything like that to a 43 year old guy unless they mean it. I’ve also gotten a few nice compliments from women of other ages too. One woman I had just met told me how nice my arms looked in the first 5 minutes of talking to her. Once I was moving rocks out of my pasture near the road and a woman honked at me as she drove by. Those little things are icing on the cake though. I stay fit for me. I’m never totally satisified to the point where I think there is nothing left to improve, mainly because life gets in the way of training some times and because keeping a lot body fat is pretty tough for me. I wouldn’t get overly wrapped up in what ckicks like per se. Just be the best you that you can be and the rest will follow in due time.

I second TenMan, girls don?t really care (unless you?re a fat slob) They are less shallow than us (on average) I wear a suit to work and most people can?t tell how big I am. In the summer time when I wear a shirt or a polo shirt you get stares and comments. And most comments come from other guys who want to get big. Being big and strong certainly helps get an invitation to help someone move.

I was thinking that same thing the other day. I’ve kind of realised that girls don’t care about men being muscular as I thought they would. However, they do notice.

I spoke to my female friend about this topic and I asked her 'why are girls so obsessed with having a man with a 6 pack and muscles'. She replies 'Well, why are men so obsessed with my breasts?'. I said 'It's because breasts are sexual, while muscles aren't...I don't get sexual satisfaction by having a girl rub my arms, or my traps'. She says, 'girls don't think like guys...they see a muscular guy as someone who has high testosterone levels...a MAN...someone to protect me when i'm vulnerable, and I find having someone by my side as my 'protector' as sexually attractive in itself'.

Personally, i've noticed slight differences. Previously at 133lbs, I still had girlfriends, but we connected more on a mental level. Then, when I gained the weight, the mental level was still there, but a more physical side of the girls appeared out of no where! Also, no girls in clubs seemed to wanna pich my arse when I was skinny. Now, I get groped on a regular basis by the same chicks.

I think it's similar to men being attracted to beautiful women. Either way, you'd wanna go out with them, but if she also had big breasts, then it's a BONUS!! Having muscles are just a bonus, and it does not mean you can let your social skills go, and use cheesy chat up lines and get away with it.

I’ve noticed that women are kind of individually particular about that as well. Some think a guy is big and massive while others would think the same guy looks just right. Also, it depends upon her particular interest in you. If she wants to dominate men she is probably going to think massive men are all pigs etc… Personally I’d be looking for a woman who realizes what all that mass really means. Basically a woman who understands the time, work, and patience that you have to put into yourself to get that way. I think that is what impresses most women who like bigger men. They have realized that this guy really cares about himself and his health. And, as long as you are not cocky (but confident) then they usually are attracted to you. I honestly don’t think most people, men and women, like a whole lot of vascularity though. I also think that there is a somewhat instinctual reason for that. Basically, being massive in the animal kingdom means power. But being ripped actually means that you are sick. If you notice many cultures think that the fatter you are the more wealthy you are… which to a certain extent is true. Now that does not mean you need to be a fat slob… but to carry a bit of extra weight around and look good makes you look warm, and generous. See how that works? Its the “big teddy bear” thing. I personally endeavor to look like Bill Pearl or Arnold in the off season. When they are obviously massive and strong but not starved to death trying to be ripped. Also, the fundementally biological reason for being this way is to help you maintain that mass so having that off season smooth look is actually much more healthy for you over all. Also, body building is really and always will be about one fundemental thing- symetry. Not mass, not being ripped, but being well put together. Symetry is also one of the natural criteria for a beautiful person.

You guys are missing out on the whole concept of relativity. Looks/body are relatively less important to chicks than they are to us, so we tend to shunt them over into the “chicks don’t care” category. They do care. It’s just they care less about looks than about other things.


To put it another way, it’s all about prioritization. Chicks dig a muscular guy (altough some differ as to how muscular they prefer the guy), but they value that less than they do intelligence, conversational ability, and that feeling of “clicking” that they get if the guy is working it properly (or randomly – but more likely he’s working it). Think about it this way – overall, most guys would prefer a rich girl to a poor girl in general, but it’s low on the list of priorities (i.e. a guy generally won’t choose a fat rich girl over a beautiful poor girl). On the other hand, a girl would generally prefer a low-status guy to a high-status guy, but if she can choose between guys of equal status she’ll choose the more physically attractive guy. That’s simplistic (it makes it seem like a 2-factor analysis), but it makes the point.

Reading through this post I started to compare some comments to my own life. Personally, I have a long term girlfriend, so bodybuilding isn’t so much for attracting girls. I want to be attractive for my girl, and be the ‘strong, masculine protector.’
Also, this has been adressed in other posts, but I feel that being in shape, muscular, etc. brings a person more respect. Personally I find that I can’t take a slovenly overweight person seriously. Is this egotistical and shallow? Yes! When I am working in a lab or studying in the lounge and I see guys stuffing their face with Carl’s Jr., I feel more powerful than them. Because I know that when it comes down to it, I am going to live a healthier, more fulfilling life. When we both go in for the job interview and have the same resume, the person in charge of hiring is going to hire the most physically attractive person.
This may seem shallow to some, but it is human nature. People like people that are attractive. We are humans and that is what we do.
So when someone asks “why do you workout so much” or “why don’t you eat fastfood” I don’t have to justify myself. I bodybuild to be more attractive, which I feel will really help me in life.

Well I went right to the horses, sorry, girls mouth. I ask mine what she thought about my muscles. She got a bit pensive and said she loved seeing me by the pool when all the other girls would watch me with that " what a hunk" look. It was great when I would come to where she was, and even better if I would bend over and kiss her navel – suposing she was laying beside the pool in her swim suit. An other comment was that I liked it when men gave her the once over and she liked the way the other girls would sometimes look at me and then their guys before looking back at me. I’m no really handsome guy just a normal sort I guess. But that made me feel proud of the little I have accomplished.

First, krazzyKathy, can we have a gender check? Your name along with your post has got me a little confused. And BostonBarrister, just to clarify, you did mean that a girl would prefer a high-status guy to a low-status guy, right?
I was at first a little disappointed to see only male responses to this thread, but then I remembered, you can’t ask a girl what she wants, because she’ll act on completely different impulses than the ones she purports to be her true motives. So this whole thing is really for guys to figure out for themselves. But with most girls, a guy’s muscles will generally rank behind a guy’s status, facial symmetry (attractiveness), and his ability to treat her like crap. Well, the last one doesn’t always hold true, but we all know that being mean gets more “results” than playing nice. As for the type of build, that’s completely dependent on the individual girl. Some girls like sticks, some just like to have mass there.

To Jared
I guess you are not a fan of Howard Stern or you would get the name. Krazy Cabbie was called Krazy Kathy on one of the shows hence my screen name. I just think it was funny.

Ok…this is really simple. YES, girls care! There is something innate in us that LOVES a strong man, not just because asthetically he looks good and portrays a “protective” image, but because a man who takes the time and effort to look that great also portrays charm and cofidence and THAT is very sexy! My boyfriend’s size has recently dwindled do to stress and time and not being able to get in the gym as much as he likes to, however, it’s not his muscle that I miss (well, I do and don’t get me wrong, muscle IS sexy) but more so I miss seeing the confidence and smile that he gets when he has accomplished a gain in strength…whatever it is, when he feels more manly he looks more manly and that is awesome.

Hell yeah girls care. When you take a girl’s shirt off for the first time, do you want to see a flat stomach or a stomach with fat rolls. We would much rather see a guy with a 6 pack than not. As far as girls being intimidated by you, they probably are. Guys that have a nice build care about how they look. They spend alot of time improving their health and looks, which usually includes focusing on flaws. A girl that doesn’t put in as much time (if any at all) as you at the gym, is going to be worried about how you will perceive her body (and flaws). WE think that a guy that is obviously proud of the way he looks physically is going to want to be at least equally proud of the way their girl looks physically. In general, I don’t think that girls are as influenced by looks as guys, but it is always better be with someone that is pleasing to the eye.

My $.02 on Miser’s comment “…whatever it is, when he feels more manly he looks more manly and that is awesome.” So they do care and it reflects back on how we feel about ourselves.

I found myself feeling like my wife wasn’t acting in such a way toward me that made me feel like a man. Hence the problem/reason, I wasn’t lifting and had let myself go. I was still her husband and best friend but not her “MAN”. I’m slowly getting back to that body that she use to drooled over and it’s making me feel much more manly when I see her reactions.

It’s a great thing. You care and then they care. You feel good and then they feel good. Most importantly though, you have to start first. Just like they do.

Chicks…or girls…have to care, or we are all wasting our time. Yes I work out for other reasons -It gets my mind off of work, I want to live longer, been doing it for so long it’s habit. But I do like the rush I feel even 1x a day knowing what I look like, that I’ve built this from scratch. This must be displayed in our confidence levels, more than we realize. Plus, if someone is willing to go through what even the average lifter does every week (early hours, lifting, reading, these forums) than we show a strong characteristic -Dedication. We all try to surround ourselves with others of this quality cause we admire in work, sports etc.

I think TC or Ron Harris said in one of their articles that women under 22 are impressed by a man’s body. But after 22 other thinks become much more important, like money and power. I would kind of agree. I also think that if you improve youself (e.g. exercise, education, work) women will be impressed not directly but because you are better in yourself.

A fellow body builder and my friend said it well, “When you change yourself like this. When you look like this and carry yourself like this. You won’t be able to hide anymore. You can’t use your ability to be hidden any longer. People will want something from you. They already do. They want to be seen with you. It elevates them to be near you.” When you create yourself and when you begin to see results you begin to care less about what others see. And guess what? They will see even more of a change in some ways than you will. You will have strength in all respects including strength of character. This is called “soul”. People will want a part of it if they themselves lack in it. Some people will be afraid, others won’t understand, yet others will be resentful. The ideal woman though, already has it. I’d look for women that impress you in all manner of ways including their interest in their own health.

personally i dont give a crap what girls think about my physique. i train for me and me only.