Diary Of A Wannabe Steroid User

Diary Of A Wannabe Steroid User

Day 1
Joined a Gym today. I figure it’s about time I got my ass into shape and started doing something with this lump of flesh. Met a guy named Ron during signup who’s in the same boat I am.

Day 2
Decided to try all my max lifts today to set a benchmark for myself.
Bench: 200
Curls: 55
Leg Press: 185
Was checking out what Ron was doing during his workout. He only put up 170 on the bench! Wow looks like I’m ahead of someone after all. It’s not much but it’s something.

Day 7
Man, one whole week down and I don’t see ANY difference yet! All this work for nothing. Geez. Oh well, quitters never win. I’ll just have to keep at it.

Day 9
Ah Ha! Broke 200 on the Leg Press today! Getting stronger! Ron must be training really hard, you can already tell he’s lost some weight. I saw him squatting 215 today! I was going to tell him to watch his knees and back. Those squats just aren’t good for you.

Day 14
Well, I’ve lost 7lbs and I feel alot better. I think I need a more intense workout though cause I was watching my usual benchmark (Ron) today and he’s looking a hell of alot better than I am and he’s getting really strong! I must be doing something wrong.

Day 18
So I found out why Ron is doing so much better. Those steroids. I was walking past him in the locker room and saw needles and ampules in his bag. Cheating motherfucker. I should do a cycle and get bigger than him and then laugh at him. But those things are so dangerous and illegal. I can’t afford to go to jail. That’s ok though, that cheating bastard will pay for it in time when those bad drugs make his balls disappear and he’s bald and mean and no one likes him.

Day 20
Fucking Ron. It was leg day for me today and I was talking to the girl on the stair stepper next to me. Just when I was going to ask for her number Ron walked by and she stopped mid-sentence and watched him until he walked by with that flirty grin on her face. Well fuck her. If she wants to be with a juiced up small balled asshole like that then fine. She doesn’t deserve me. Man if those things were legal I’d show Ron how big I could get.

Day 22
That asshole. I was doing my curls today and I had moved up to the 10’s on each side. I was SO happy. Then Ron came over and asked me if I could do curls elsewhere cause he wanted to use the rack for his moronic squats. I can’t wait till his knees and back give out from those squats. I told him no I couldn’t and that he could wait. He said “Whoa man no need to be hostile, I was just askin, I can wait till your done. Didn’t mean to interrupt your workout.” Yeah well fuck him. And your sure as shit he will wait. Tryin to be all nice and polite. I know he’s just actin cause the roids are for sure making him think he’s all cool and the big man. Well I didn’t move. That’ll teach’em.

Day 30
I was benching today and I got 210 up but I really bruised my chest when I bounced it. Anyway, I was feeling really strong though and tried to go for 220. I got it 1/2 way up and started struggling. Ron came over and helped me. When I racked it I jumped up and told him “Don’t fucking touch my bar when I’m benching you asshole! I had that!” He so embarrassed he whispered to me “Dude, the weight was on your chest for a full second before I got over there to lift it off you. I was just tryin to help.” I guess he’s dating that girl from the stairmaster now cause she came over, grabbed him by the arm and said “Leave the weight on the assholes chest next time Ron”. They walked away together. Good, that slut and that meathead deserve each other. I swear I’d just love to do a cycle and get all huge. I could leg press like 300 then. I’d get 225 for like 2 reps and shit. If they ever make that legal I’ll show some people who’s boss. Screw that slut and her balding, roid raging, no nuts asshole of a boyfriend.

Day 40
I’m done. This is my last entry. It’s not worth going to the gym anymore. You can’t lift alot unless your taking steroids, no girls want to talk to you unless your doing steroids, and after all this work I’ve only lost 5lbs and don’t look any different from what I did in the beginning. I’m not going to jail so I won’t do the roids. So screw the gym. It’s back to jogging in the park.

I’m natural myself (for now) and this was supposed to be a fun look at what alot of these people that attack steroids are like. It wasn’t an insult to those of us that are natural or that don’t/won’t use. I threw this together in about 20 minutes so yes I realize that the timeline isn’t exactly accurate either.

That was funny. And somehow totally believable at the same time. I think I’ve seen this guy before!

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA that was friggin hilarious. Funniest post I’ve read in a while. so true too.

Very good!

LOL @ lucid… Uh. I mean hakt0ne…

ron sure sounds like a real dick. i’d take steroids just so i can kick his ass

I didn’t make it THAT obvious did I Archaic? hehe

Classic haktOne…

…and they say the guys ON juice have the rage. Go figure.

Absolutely Mass, I always find it funny how rabid they are to rant against steroids and users. I always wind up wishing I had a tape recorder so I could play it back for them later and let them listen to how ridiculous they sound.

Just FYI my stats are 6’2" at 230 lbs, about 14%. My bench is 275, deadlift is 515, leg press is 950 for 8 reps. I haven’t tried maxing on squats since changing my form to a power squat. And I haven’t done steroids; clearly the numbers would be higher and places and lower in others.

If I decide to jab a needle in my ass to cheat some, I’ll let you know, but that’s probably unlikely.

You want to talk ridiculous? What about the scene where you are jabbing a needle in your ass? I’m sure its an uplifting and character-building experience for you.

Your only point is that people who do steroids do them to “show people who’s boss”. Get a life. People own guns in this country.

you know i have gotten the feeling that some people in this forum are always talking but have nothing to say. Lucid your views on steriods (however lopsided they may be ) are just that your OPINIONS. Your comments are about the same as me going into an openly gay chat room just to call everyone in the room a fag. How am I or you or anybody for that matter justified in dictating what is right and wrong in this country. I think your last comment about how people own guns in this country further let’s me know your maturity level. So you would rather us to all go out and shoot someone rather than take our frustrations out at the gym? Honestly bro, why are you here? If you have nothing to contribute and nothing you are trying to learn, then do the rest of us a favor and go to the “everyone has a gun” forum. We are here to discuss certain situations and tell our experiences and to gain knowledge from others. You are here to give and gain NOTHING. Please from one man to another (well that is yet to be determined) go find something you ARE interested in and spend your time with that. Why are you so hooked on the cheating thing? You know maybe if you hit the gym and the juice you wouldn’t have to suffer the pains of being cheated on, and besides there are plenty of guys out there for you. Take care bro.

Hey exchange information about illegal activites all you want, jackass. Its not like you need a proxy server to post here.

Lucid, you are the next NeilG. Congratulations.

lucid you fuck1ng moron. READ the post bitch. I’ve never done roids so the comment about the “scene where I jab a needle into my ass is an uplifting and character building experience” just proves to me your here ranting and not reading a damn thing.
I realize your here to gain some attention for yourself and I’m more than willing to give you all the attention you’d like as long as you realize its going to be the laugh your ass outta the gym kind of attention.
As for the “show who’s boss” comment in the post? REREAD IT. Damn for a guy who’s nick is lucid you are FAR from it. The character who said that is the one who DOESN’T use.
So to summarize, you’re a dick, you’re a dumbass, you have no reading comprehension, blah blah blah, I know you stopped reading awhile ago, yadda yadda, try to understand what you read before you open your mouth, piss off your boring already.


Lucid my fat ass man! You’re becoming very famous here… I have an idea for you, you should try and train with that guy Simmons so he can kick your ass… What’s his name Louie… mmhhh no, not him, Richard Simmons! Yeah, I’m sure he can get you to lose that 14% bf.


If I’m so boring, why respond?


(‘shakes head’) yet another ‘holier than thou’ invading our sancturary!

Its hard not to be. Jab another vein sparky.