T Nation

Depressed and losing it

Guys,

I broke up with my girlfriend two months ago and after dying a lingering death that ended 2 weeks ago, I find myself in SEVERE depression. I hurt my back two weeks ago to boot and have not lifted since. So basically I am deflating and eating like shit every day. Any words of encouragement? It’s messed up, I know because I am attractive and successful, but I am really drained (mainly because she is dating someone else). What is a brother to do? I am tired of sitting in ruin, but I can’t get motivated to get to the gym.

E

I know it can be tough, but take small steps. Instead of having grandiose plans of a 12-week program, make the decision NOW to go to the gym and throw some weight around. No structure, no plan. Just get some aggression out. I think you will find your heart getting back into it. For God’s sake distract yourself by going out and doing things with your friends. Don’t just sit around moping about your lost girlfriend. Forget that bullshit about “closure” and “coming to terms.” Only thing that will heal these wounds of the heart is time. Make it easier on yourself by keeping your mind on other things.

Grow some nuts, depression is for weak people. Use it to motivate you, pathetic.

you are a pussy. you are not successful or good looking. you are a failure. your girlfriend never liked you. you are destined to get fatter and fatter until no girl will ever talk to you again. forget about ever getting laid again. you are so pathetic it hurts me to think about it.

there - now that you want to kick my ass - take that aggression to the gym. go out with some friends and have a good time. then refocus, and find a goal that will consume all your thoughts. im currently 100% consumed by my goal and i love it - nothing else enters my mind (well.... except for that cute girl i saw today - but i see 5 different ones everyday so dont worry about that 1 that got away - obviously she was special but you need to forget her for awhile and get yourself back on track).

I remember when that happened to me more than a year ago, the gym was all I could do to keep my mind off it. Oh yeah, and occasionally I would let anger fuel my workouts. Not that I hated her for what she did, just I took that upset feeling and turned it into anger. It’s hard to find encouraging words, but I’ll tell ya this, it goes away, times get better, it might happen again but you’ve learned something. Life goes on. And what Hyok said is definately true.

Dude, that sucks, but it’s up to you to pull yourself up by your bootstraps and get over her. You had reasons for breaking up with her – if she creeps into your mind, think about those. And keep as far away from her as is possible – don’t put yourself in situations where you see her with other guys. Definitely go out with lots of other girls – and be the man, because girls can smell desperation, which is chick repellent. You’ve got to believe that you did yourself a favor by breaking up with this girl, and you’ve got to remember that there are about 3 billion other women out there, so go getcha some and quit moping. Good luck. Peace. Out.

Where are your buddies to take you out get drunk, go to a strip club, then go to a bar and get layed? Friends always get me out of a rut. Or I just get pissed off and get in a fight, win or lose, at least you get out aggression.

you sound like a woman…

I’ve been there… all too recently… I was the dumpee, not the dumper though. Anyway, just make a decision to go back. Once you drag yourself there two or three times it’ll get easier. Want therapy? Nothing’s better than a heavy bag in private - beat the shit out of it and swear your head off. (Ok, fine, I’m sure the people on the other side of the aerobics room windows were staring, but it worked for me!) I’m not going to say ‘snap out of it’ because that’s not possible with depression, but any exercise at all will help - so get out and do something!

Yeah,

I am a pussy. It’s disgusting I know. I made a commitment this morning to get back on track and let nothing stop me. Fuck it at least I’ll be ripped and depressed right? I’ll try and turn that depression into action. Anger can fuel my workouts and hatred. I guess that is better than depression and sitting at home on the couch eating ice cream. I’ll get through this shit. I will focus. Thanks for all of the comments. Yeah, it’s a pussy move.

E

take it from someone who is winning a battle with her own depression right now. you have got to do things for yourself, and use your anger and hurt and frustration of your loss and get yourself to stand up no matter what you think is holding you down it is never bigger than the strenght that comes from yourslef, and no one but you can find it or use it. i’m here for you if you need it.

Go easy on the guy. He just hurt his back so he can’t lift. The best thing you can ever do when you’re depressed is lift, because the pump you get will clear your head of anything funky going on in there. It sucks that you can’t lift, but there’s more to life than just lifting weights. Ever thought of taking a dance class. Think about it. Women like that shit, so you’ll see lot’s of them there. Second, and this is my favorite, since dancing involves physical contact, you get to like touch women (tee hee). I’m not saying you should give up weights completely though. Your injury gives you an opportunity to try new things you can do on your free time. Find something you can do like dancing (yeah baby), and when you get better, go back to lifting. You’ll do fine as long as you do something. If you sit around too long and do nothing, you’ll dwell too much about your own drama and that’s what’s getting you depressed. So get off your ass and do something!

First of all, fuck those other guys that are calling you a pussy or a woman. They were probably just raped by their abbusive father-in-laws while they were growing up and now have no feelings or simply refuse to acknowedlge them. Anyway, most guys will go through what you are feeling now at least once in their lives so you are defintely not alone nor abnormal. Second, the guys that told you that time is what you need to start feeling better and forgeting are correct. Your life may suck for awhile (or quite a while), but eventually, you really will forget and be fine. It just may take a while. Other than that, there are two things that I suggest you do. First, I’d go out and rent the movie Swingers and watch it several times. I think you eluded to the fact that you are a black male, and although it is a nearly all-white cast, the point and theme will still make its point perfectly. Second, I’d forget about dating for a while and simply try and keep yourself as busy as possible. Try to avoid sitting at home by yourself as much as possible. I know it’s near impossible to quit thinking about, but I would try to quit talking about it, too. Your friends will get sick of it after awhile and you defintely don’t want that. Anyway, that’s my two cents. Take it easy. It’ll get better. It always does…

Right on JRC. The abusive posters can hang on the wang. EDog just keep yourself busy, take care of your back, and pump some iron. Porn helps too.

“ANTI-DEPRESSION KIT” - 1.) Try to avoid being alone at all costs and be with friends 90% of the time. 2.) When alone which is unavoidable, read a book, magazine, or watch a movie or TV (preferably action). 3.) Never ever ever ever listen to music that makes you think of her or feel regret in any way. 4.) Lift 5 days a week while eating tons and tons of food (this will make you feel manly and as if you are accomplishing something…give you purpose) also preferably while taking numerous biotest supplements so that your progress is constant and sharp (or steroids). 5.) (optional)Take 5-HTP (otc) or zanax (prescription) for anti depression. 6.) work harder than ever in your job or at school. END OF ADVICE I hope this has helped you bro. I was basically in love with this girl I knew who, for reasons unrelated to me, left and totally devestated me. I followed this regimen (minus number 5) and was fine in a matter of 2 or 3 weeks. I still have the feelings for her (TO SOME DEGREE) but the depression is totally wiped away and I am happier than ever. Wage war on it…you will be fine… ~PorchDawg

GET OFF YOUR ASS AND GET BACK IN THE FUCKING GYM, YOU FAT SON OF A BITCH! QUIT BEING A LAZY BASTARD AND GET YOUR MOTHERFUCKING ASS OUT OF BED!

Really, now, regular exercise is a better antidepressant than Prozac.

Thanks for all of the encouragement. I’ll get through this thing. My back is still fucked up, but I am lifting again. I am white by the way, not that it matters, but someone said they thaought I was black. Anyway, i will rent the movie swingers. I hear it is really funny. I’ll throw myself into a program of lifting and cardio. I have been pretty bad about the cardio though for the past few weeks. That has to come to an end. Yeah, I still have feelings for the girl, but what good does it do me to focus on that? The dance class is a good idea. I am taking a class right now, but there are no hot girls in it… :frowning: Anyway, thanks again. I wonder if they would let people associate a picture with a post like another web site does, so we could see each other. It is cool that there is this commnity out here to help each other out and help each other train.

EDog

I know how you feel man… I’m in the same spot. All day long I picture my girl with this other guy…sleeping with him, doing all the things we used to do, walking the dog we bought together, driving in the car I helped her pick out, having dinner with her family, hitting the bars we used to hit together, oh…what’s the point. Fuck everything.

Dear E,
I think that you are experiencing depression mostly because you have been dealt a couple of bad hands in the past couple of weeks. Maybe if you did not hurt your back so soon after you and your girlfriend brook up your heart would have recovered quicker. Maybe not. Anyhow, it’s o.k. to feel as you do. Try to just be still and heal. Society teaches us that it’s not o.k. to be bored. On the contrary being still for a while can do wonders for our soul. So stop feeling sorry for yourself and enjoy the time you have. I’m sure that soon when you’re on the go again you will wish you had more spare time.

WTF???..“good looking,successful” and crying like a girlyman over some broad…been there,done that…but just step back and look at the bigger picture…don’t just fixate on the good times and the great blowjobs…remember all the shit about her that drove you insane in the first place…did you really plan on spending the rest of your life with her under those circumstances…and how good of a catch could she be if she’s already polishing another dude’s knob???..better you found out now before there were kids or paperwork involved,and she took half your shit in court…be thankful for the good memories you have but don’t fixate on them…remember why you broke up in the first place…be glad you don’t have to deal with those headaches any more…and lastly, drop your pecker,pick up some dumbells and train with a vengeance…get angry at that bitch and train harder than ever before…show her what she passed up…LOOKING GOOD IS THE BEST REVENGE!!!(_)(*_~)