T Nation

Definitions

From an email I got…

TEENAGER
Person that acts like a baby when you don’t consider him as an adult.

BABY SITTER
Teenager expected to behave like an adult so that the adults can go out and behave like teenagers.

JUST A FRIEND
Person of the opposite sex who has that little je ne sais quoi that removes all desire to sleep with her.

LOVE
Two syllables, two vowels, two consonants and two idiots.

ARCHITECT
Not man enough to be an engineer; not gay enough to be a designer.

LAWYER
A person who write a 10,000 word document and titles it “Summary”

HITCHHIKER
Young lady, sexy and lightly dressed, whom you always see when you’re in the car with your wife.

BEATER
Old car where every part makes noise, except for the radio.

WOMAN
Assembly of curves that straightens a line.

JURY
Group of 12 people, united by luck of the draw to decide who, of the accused or the victim, has the best lawyer.

MARRIAGE
Union between two people that allows them to endure together things they wouldn’t have had to endure had they stayed single.

PARENTS
Two persons that teach a child to walk and talk so that they may later tell him to sit down and shut up.

FART
Sneeze in your underwear.

G SPOT
Erogenous zone of the woman located between the two big toes.

FISH
Animal who has an extremely rapid growth rate between the moment when he’s caught by a guy and the one when he tells his friends about it.

PROGRAMMER
Someone who solves a problem you didn’t have, in a way you don’t understand.

PSYCHIATRIST
Smart person who helps people become crazy.

QUANTUM PHYSICIAN
Blind man looking in a dark room for a black cat that isn’t there.

SCOUT
Little kid dressed like an idiot following a tall idiot dressed as a little kid.

AUDITOR
One who arrives after the battle and walks on the injured.

BANKER
One who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining, but wants it back when it starts to rain.

ACCOUNTANT
Someone who knows the price of everything and the value of nothing.

ECONOMIST
Expert who’ll know tomorrow why his prediction from yesterday didn’t happen today.

CONSULTANT
Someone who steals your watch, gives you the time and then charges you for the service.

DIPLOMAT
Someone who tells you to go to Hell in such a way that you look forward to the trip.

DANSE
Vertical frustration of a horizontal desire.

POLITICIAN
Person who takes money from the rich and votes from the poor to protect one from the other.

TRUST
Liberty you afford someone so that he can mess up.

DISILLUSION
That sinking feeling you get when a fantastic ass doesn’t match the face as the person turns around.

ORAL EXAM
Admission test given to new interns at the Whitehouse.

EASY
Said of a woman who has the sexual morals of a man.

FOOTBALL
What every woman marries without knowing it.

CLOSET
Place where you can hang your clothes when there remains no available door knobs.

PERFECTIONNIST
Person who can’t appreciate Tchaikovski’s music unless he can spell his name.

COOL HEADED
Something that’s easier to achieve in December.

[quote]pookie wrote:

ACCOUNTANT
Someone who knows the price of everything and the value of nothing.

[/quote]

“A cynic is a man who knows the price of everything but the value of nothing.”
-Oscar Wilde

Fun post!

Good post pookie. This was my favorite one:

LAWYER
A person who writes a 10,000 word document and titles it “Summary”

QUANTUM PHYSICIAN
Blind man looking in a dark room for a black cat that isn’t there.

easily my favorite.

“Love” has one syllable. Easily confused with the polysyllabic “Louvre.”

[quote]Mr. Clean & Jerk wrote:
“Love” has one syllable. Easily confused with the polysyllabic “Louvre.”[/quote]

Pookie lives in Quebec and he probably translated this from french. Amore?

[quote]pookie wrote:
JURY
Group of 12 people, united by luck of the draw to decide who, of the accused or the victim, has the best lawyer.

DIPLOMAT
Someone who tells you to go to Hell in such a way that you look forward to the trip.[/quote]

I love these two. Awesome.

[quote]beaudry wrote:
Mr. Clean & Jerk wrote:
“Love” has one syllable. Easily confused with the polysyllabic “Louvre.”

Pookie lives in Quebec and he probably translated this from french. Amore?[/quote]

Yup. “Amour,” definitely two syllables.

I notice I left dance as “danse” too.

Ah well, you get what you pay for.