I’ve loses recently as well. The best advice i can give you is to not be too hard on yourself about diet and training. Give yourself time to grieve. Lifting and eating right take mental focus and determination and yours will be off for a bit.
I’m sorry for your loss. Unfortunately, I have something I can add to this thread.
By the time I graduated high school I’d lost seven close friends. The second week of my senior year my boyfriend of two years was killed in an auto accident. (I missed being in that accident by a matter of seconds. It wasn’t my time, but that didn’t make me feel any better.) He died with two of our closest friends. The only person to survive the accident became an alcoholic later. I sometimes wondered about that.
I lost all four grandparents by age 13, then later, both parents less than two years apart. I’ve lost several other friends to an assortment of illnesses and accidents. Dyin’ is never easy for the folks left behind.
I still dream about my parents and every couple of years my old high school sweetheart makes a guest appearance in a dream. These people are locked in time, so they look exactly like they did when they were still alive. I cherish those dreams because I’ve come to view them as a gift … a way to “visit” the people from my past that I loved. I always wake up feeling nostalgic, but content.
Time tends to take the sting out of death and replace it with fond memories. Even if that person wasn’t the easiest person to love, in time you’ll probably remember just the good stuff. It’s interesting how the brain filters details.
I clearly recall the day I realized I wasn’t consumed with grief over the loss of my boyfriend anymore. At first that freaked me out because I felt like I was being disloyal to his memory, but I was really just healing. I also struggled with these feelings as I made my way through the loss of each parent, only to realize that letting go and moving on is an important part of grief; it’s a sign the healing process is running it’s natural course.
Everyone’s journey will be different, but IMO, telling people to celebrate a life that has passed is one thing, telling them not to mourn is another. When you lose someone there’s a sudden void that’s permanent and hurts. Mourning isn’t weakness, it’s just one of many ways of learning how to balance our mortality with the meaning of life.
You might want to approach the family of your friend and in sharing your grief, ask if there is some type of tangible memento you could have … a touchstone so to speak. Sometimes having a small, but meaningful memento is comforting.
(This request might also be a comfort to family members who can’t bear the thought of donating or sorting through clothing and belongings of the deceased … it’s nice to know some of their “stuff” may help ease your grief.) I have some of my old boyfriend’s record albums. Our mutual love of music was an important part of our connection. I gave him the Duane Allman Anthology a few months before he died and having that album (and his Rolling Stones albums) in my collection made me feel like a part of him was there when I played them. His mother was more than happy to part with these things. Just a thought.
Cappy
sorry for your loss
Sorry for your loss man.
A good friend of mine, and a girl I had a crush on in HS, died in a terrible way about 3 years ago.
I won’t go into it but the story is here: Murder of Taylor Behl - Wikipedia
To this day I still think about her and I’m not proud to say I still haven’t been able to bring myself to visit her grave. The hardest part was that I was suppose to go see her at Starbucks the day I left to go back to college but told her I would catch up with her next time…little did I know there would be no next time.
The only comfort is to know that they went to a better place and to learn from their death. We need to treasure every moment and take time to be with our friends and loved ones because there may not be a next time to enjoy their company.
[quote]Capacity wrote:
I’m sorry for your loss. Unfortunately, I have something I can add to this thread.
By the time I graduated high school I’d lost seven close friends. The second week of my senior year my boyfriend of two years was killed in an auto accident. (I missed being in that accident by a matter of seconds. It wasn’t my time, but that didn’t make me feel any better.) He died with two of our closest friends. The only person to survive the accident became an alcoholic later. I sometimes wondered about that.
I lost all four grandparents by age 13, then later, both parents less than two years apart. I’ve lost several other friends to an assortment of illnesses and accidents. Dyin’ is never easy for the folks left behind.
I still dream about my parents and every couple of years my old high school sweetheart makes a guest appearance in a dream. These people are locked in time, so they look exactly like they did when they were still alive. I cherish those dreams because I’ve come to view them as a gift … a way to “visit” the people from my past that I loved. I always wake up feeling nostalgic, but content.
Time tends to take the sting out of death and replace it with fond memories. Even if that person wasn’t the easiest person to love, in time you’ll probably remember just the good stuff. It’s interesting how the brain filters details.
I clearly recall the day I realized I wasn’t consumed with grief over the loss of my boyfriend anymore. At first that freaked me out because I felt like I was being disloyal to his memory, but I was really just healing. I also struggled with these feelings as I made my way through the loss of each parent, only to realize that letting go and moving on is an important part of grief; it’s a sign the healing process is running it’s natural course.
Everyone’s journey will be different, but IMO, telling people to celebrate a life that has passed is one thing, telling them not to mourn is another. When you lose someone there’s a sudden void that’s permanent and hurts. Mourning isn’t weakness, it’s just one of many ways of learning how to balance our mortality with the meaning of life.
You might want to approach the family of your friend and in sharing your grief, ask if there is some type of tangible memento you could have … a touchstone so to speak. Sometimes having a small, but meaningful memento is comforting.
(This request might also be a comfort to family members who can’t bear the thought of donating or sorting through clothing and belongings of the deceased … it’s nice to know some of their “stuff” may help ease your grief.) I have some of my old boyfriend’s record albums. Our mutual love of music was an important part of our connection. I gave him the Duane Allman Anthology a few months before he died and having that album (and his Rolling Stones albums) in my collection made me feel like a part of him was there when I played them. His mother was more than happy to part with these things. Just a thought.
Cappy
[/quote]
Wow, you really went out of your way to help. I appreciate that (as well as everybody else who has posted here). It’s nice to hear about you guys going through similar stuff and making it through it.