T Nation

Dealing With Tragedy


#1

Two of my friends died in an accident. One of which was my best friend. Has anybody else gone through something like this? How did you get through it? Its been really hard to eat well or train.


#2

Celebrate their life, do not mourn their death.


#3

My oldest friend was in the Marines and caught a bullet in the face two years ago. You don't deal with shit like that, it deals with you, and you eventually just get used to it. It just sucks. That's all.


#4

Yeah, there are no tricks to dealing with stuff like that. Just take your time and it will get easier eventually.


#5

I'm so sorry for your loss. It sounds cliche but time really is the only thing that helps. Hang in there and take care of yourself.


#6

I was kinda afraid that was how it was gonna be.


#7

Sorry about your friend.

"It deals with you" great way of putting it. Meditating will help you allow it to deal with you. If you spend some time everyday just sitting and breathing. Your mind will eventually deal with it. Dealing with it is basically finding some reason to it. Sometimes there is no reason so the mind has to create one. Not finding reason means continuously having to deal with it.

Meditating is the practise of sitting and breathing. Breath in thought in, embrace, breath out release the thought. It takes time but it allows you to deal with it in your own way. In the privacy of your mind.


#8

just remember the good times you had with them. some of my buddies have passed due to stupid shit, but when im out with the rest of the guys we used to chill with we always will say things like "remember when jimmy did that " and laugh and celebrate their life.


#9

As you grow older, you are going to deal with death and many other types of adversity. Time will help you in the long run, prayer and faith will carry you in the short.
Please take my word for it.


#10

For me, I tend to forget to b r e a t h e.

I flail, I get mad, I get real mad. I get depressed, I miss them, I flail some more. But when I remember to breathe - all the way in - down low... and remind myself that they wouldn't want me to feel this way.... then I can relax.

If it were you, you wouldn't want them to be a wreck.

It hurts. It's hard. Ever so damn hard.

I touched my mom's amputated leg today. They cut it off on 24 Dec - was that only a week ago? It's just so wrong. And it's not the same as losing a friend; not at all. I'm just trying to say that every day really is a miracle.

Live it, in their honor. Faithful to your friendship. Honor your friendship.

Semper Fi

Renee


#11

My Father just passed away in October from brain cancer. I knew he was not going to make it many months before when he told me that he was diagnosed, but it was still a surprise to know that he was passing. Being there when he passed was the most difficult thing I have yet to do, and I have been to Iraq for a year already. He was only 48 with so much more life to live. I miss him dearly.

To answer your question. I just get my ass into the gym and force myself to get the work done. Being in the gym is my time. No cell phones no nothing to distract me. I did my best to put my pain aside and get my training done, I can go back to feeling shitty after I am done. Truth be told I actually felt better after my training (which is no surprise) but I am glad that I have an outlet like this to help me feel better.

No matter what happens life goes on, and weight training is a part of my life.

Keep your chin up.


#12

I often have dreams about my friend who died. It's like I become temporarily deluded into believing that he's still alive, and then I wake up and the horror of his death occurs to me all over again. Completely fucked up. Death really fucks with you like that.


#13

That's sure comforting. :stuck_out_tongue:


#14

just another reason to push yourself even harder, do it for your friends who can't, enjoy life because it can end so swiftly. My dad died when i was 6, you just become numb to the fact...but from time to time shit might remind you of the lost, just remember that your blessed to be alive, and make the best out of your life!


#15

I agree with this attitude. My father & grandmother died when I was 8, I do still miss them, but eventually the pain becomes less sharp & you will be able to remember things you did with your friend without feeling like someone just stuck a knife in you.

My husband's friend's 5 year old daughter died last year of cancer & sometimes when I don't feel like working out I think of her, & I go. I do it because she can't, and I still can, which is a gift I'm very grateful for.

I'm very sorry for your loss. I don't know how long its been since your friend's death, but if its been a few months you might consider sending a little note to his family about how much he meant to you.

When a family member dies, everyone mourns & seems to quickly move on, as if it never even happened. People are often afraid to mention the deceased because they don't want to cause pain. It will mean a lot to your friend's family to hear a few kind words or a funny story about your friend after everyone else has stopped inquiring, and it may help you to do it, as well.


#16

I feel your pain bud...

My little brother died in a car wreck at the ripe old age of 20. This happened 13 years ago in October. I still have emotional moments that come on like a wave and leave me feeling empty. It's rather humbling to be frank...

You learn to deal woth tragedy. After all, the odds are not stacked in our favor. We will all lose more loved ones as we age, whether that be of natural causes or tragic instances.

You push through and keep the faith, if you have any.


#17

Thanks to everybody who has replied. I haven't posted much in this thread but I have been reading what you guys have said.


#18

Thanks to everybody who has replied. I haven't posted much in this thread but I have been reading what you guys have said.


#19

I'm really sorry for your loss. I too lost some close people in my life a while back. Time heal all wounds. It does really stick you for a long time, but you will never forget them..


#20

Very well said and true, but not easy to do in the eye of the storm.