Bob Ruben. Chef at the Drake Hotel in Chicago.
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No, I don’t have a problem with it at all. The world is hierarchical and people are unequal in ability, talent, intelligence, attractiveness, and character. That doesn’t mean people can’t live satisfying lives regardless of where they fall on the spectrum.
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JPJ was a hell of a musician as well.
I’m 56 years old, far above average intelligence and if I wanted to I could beat myself up about the things I haven’t accomplished and the gifts I’ve squandered. I dropped out of college and joined the Navy, and I failed at 2 marriages. I was a very poor father for a significant portion of my children’s most important developmental years, related to the second of those failed marriages. I’m in lower-middle management at a job where I’ll probably never climb any higher, nor do I have any ambition to. I’ve made poor financial decisions that have set my up for retirement far worse than I could have been. I’m at odds with several close family members because we don’t see eye to eye on some things I feel very strongly about. High intelligence without drive isn’t a recipe for great success. Physically, I was never very gifted, and I’m on the autism spectrum, so I was seriously bullied through primary and high school, both physically and emotionally.
On the other hand, I can look at what I do have… I’m now married to the love of my life. My children still love me, despite the mistakes I’ve made. I’ve mentored a number of other capable younger folk who have since risen in the companies we’ve worked for far beyond where I have any aspiration to be, who are still my friends and still confide in me and sometimes come to me for advice. I strive to be the sort of boss that I would have liked to have when I was coming up in companies, and I set my subordinates up for success even when it means that I lose them to other departments, and I’ve never had anyone who wasn’t happy to work for me. My workers always give me their all, and they know I have their backs. I’m far stronger and healthier now than the athletes who bullied me in high school, and 90% of the time I’m the strongest person in the room, but I won’t ever win a strongman competition. I have a number of hobbies I enjoy, several of which I share with my wife and children. I’m in the financial position to be able to help my children when they need it, and I will be able to retire comfortably in 10 years or less.
I could absolutely let myself dwell in regret for what might have been if I’d been more capable, or determined, or driven. Or I can embrace the gifts that life has given me and celebrate the good.
I’m not saying that I always chose that path. There have been dark times where I let my demons consume me. I haven’t arrived at any particular enlightenment, and every day can be a battle where the darkness threatens to return. A lot more of my days are the good ones where gratitude and happiness win out over regret, though, and I choose to keep embracing the things that I have accomplished over the things I’ve failed at, as much as I can.
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I take comfort in knowing that the sun will eventually explode and take humanity and all of its experiences along with it. Try enjoy what time you have and don’t take things so seriously.
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I did very poorly on a midterm today. I’m not sure if I can get an A in the class.
In theory, it shouldn’t affect my grad school prospects, but I can’t help wondering if my place will be taken by someone with similar credentials but a marginally better GPA.
Also, my friend (that one) is on track to graduate with a 4.0. He has a much more rigourous courseload as well as doing more stuff overall (TAing multiple courses, research). He’s the TA for the course of said midterm
I just don’t feel good enough.
Me neither, your life is best enjoyed by maximizing your happiness. Not by collecting things, not by checking off experiences and not by having an extremely high level of skill at something.
Too many of those that excel live tortured, lonely, sad lives to see it as anything to be desired or worth losing sleep over.
I’d also say that while you may not be the best at something, you can put a combination of things together that are unique and do stand out. I’m not the best at the core skills of my job but you add some interpersonal skills, presentation and writing skills, knowing a bit about style, some understanding of office politics and I go from mediocre to sought after.
In fact, I’d go as far as saying that trying to make a notable achievement by being beyond exceptional at one thing is a terrible, terrible strategy for almost everyone.
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