T Nation

Dealing with Anxiety on Steroids


#1

Hi all,

I’m 26 years old, i’ve been lifting seriously for over a year now and made a sizable transformation to my body as a natty. From fat af to decent.

Please forgive the douche vibe.
I’m currently 5 weeks into my first cycle at 350mg test-e/week
I’ve done my homework, everything is planned from start to the last day of pct.
I am quite aware that most would say that taking testosterone after only a year of dedicated lifting is reckless if not a waste of my natural potential. It’s the decision I took.

Here i’d rather discuss the psychological effects of testosterone. I’m usually a very composed, rational person yet test has me very anxious and jealous. It takes very little for my mood to turn incredibly dark for hours on end, screwing with my relationships and sometimes sleep. It’s hard to not drift into an angry dark condition. I’m doing my best to control myself but it’s frankly exhausting. I have the best most understanding girlfriend on the planet, she doesnt deserve my doubts and jealousy.

I’ve gotten bloodwork done last week. Estro was at 275 pmol/l aka 75.91 pg/ml
I’ve been taking 10mg Aromasin eod

I’m curious as to how you dealt with anxiety on test-e.


#2

Honestly, if your numbers aren’t out of whack, just one of the conditions of the dark side.

If you don’t feel mentally well on test, please promise yourself to never run tren. Test never gave me any negative sides always felt like a million bucks. Tren on the other hand turned me into a horny, anxiety ridden, paranoid mess of a person who went from squatting 405x5 to 455x6 in 6 weeks.

Remember your goals. If this is what you want, you have to be willing to deal with the good and bad and stay strong mentally.


#3

Have you tried practicing mindfulness? There are whole books on it but basically you stand back as a disinterested third party and watch all the junk that flows from your subconscious. You then calmly and rationally pick through what thoughts are valid and have value, and which ones are garbage.

Your identity is not the sum of your subconscious meanderings. All those bad feelz and ugliness don’t need to turn into behaviors. You need to chose intentionally who you want to be and how you’re going to act.


#4

This is amazingly stated.


#5

Yes, I quite agree, I’m pretty sure tren would overwhelm me bigtime. Focus on the goals! Thanks for your input!

This! Great reply, i’ll definitely work on this. I guess the compulsive nature of the anxiety is the dangerous bit. Mindfullness seems like an invaluable tool from what i’ve read so far. Thanks a lot @Basement_Gainz


#6

If you can’t handle that low dose of test, I wouldn’t dare suggest you consider running anything else. I have never felt side effects when I just run Test… I feel great while on it. Is your gear from a good source? It’s such a low dose. A lot of guys will cruise at 350mg a week between blasts.


#7

Definitely good source and the test is certainly doing it’s job.
I’m mostly interested in learning how other people cope with the symptoms similar to my own. I’ve seen very diverse reactions to test on low doses, some people feel great, others feel anxious, some feel energized, others lethargic. I do not plan on taking anything else in the future until im confident I have adapted enough or that I have what it takes to handle it.
I noticed a pattern though. The symptoms are worse exactly 3 days after injection, followed by a sense of almost euphoric release on the fourth day. Im unsure if its because estro spikes at that time or something else?
Thanks for your input.


#8

You’re running an EXTREMELY low dose cycle, and you’re having these issues. The answer is really simple. Steroids aren’t for you. Not a big deal, they aren’t for everyone. Some people deal with the sorts of things you’re talking about while on them, some people have no such side effects. I would strongly suggest remaining natural going forward, it’s only going to get worse if you run more cycles, and/or increase the dose.


#9

Also, Clomid is a bad idea, too.


#10

E2 is making you an emotional bitch.

You will feel better around E2=22pg/ml - 80 pmol/L

Increase dose by a factor of 275/80 or triple the dose. Expect good results in 6-7 days.


#11

I raised my aromasin dosage recently, I’ve actually been feeling quite an improvement these last few days. I’ve eliminated other sources of potential causes like high dosages of caffeine for example. Seems like the combined effort of further lowering my E2 and eliminating unnecessary stimulants is having it’s effect. Thanks for your input!


#12

Thanks for your opinion on the matter. I’m determined to finish this cycle, learn from it and then decide if i’d be willing to do a second cycle further down the road. Fact is, test is doing the job I wanted it to do. Learning how to deal with effects is part of the game, calling it quits at the first obstacle isn’t my style.


#13

:joy:

To be honest, I had what I thought to be anxiety about 15-30 minute post injection of test prop my first couple times. I’m pretty sure that I got anxiety confused with aggression, and used whatever that feeling was to my advantage in the gym.

Also, the first week or two on TRT, I used 10mg of Valium to get to sleep. It’s because everything just felt off and I had way more energy than normal so I couldn’t manage to get to sleep. I went from T levels of 60-95 and E2 < 5 to T of ~990 and E2 in a not so optimal range of 60-80 in a matter of 2-3 weeks. I’m sure that “imbalance” had a role in the slight insomnia / restlessness that I was experiencing.

Now, I’m blasting and cruising test e at 500mg and 250mg respectively with E2 between 20-25 on all blood test and feel fantastic all the time… without having to drug myself to sleep.


#14

So, no clomid, tren, deca, equipoise. I have generalized anxiety disorder. All of these affected me severely.


#15

I’d pin every 4 days so test level stays constant.


#16

Ive got it well under control now. It seems E2 was simply too high and making me anxious. Combine that with too much caffeine during the day and preworkout before training… there you go. I pretty much cut out all caffeine sources besides green tea and it has done wonders. Tfw you realize suddenly that you dont even need any extra stimulants on gear heh

Looking forward to PCT in a few weeks (not). I’m starting to get nervous at the idea of taking clomid seeing how it affects most people. On such a small cycle, i coulod presumably get away with little to no clomid but it’s probably wisest to stick to the classic clomid included pct.


#17

I’m not sure you understand pct. when you are shut down, you are shut down, period. It makes no difference if you were on 200 mg/week or 2000. Both will cause a complete cessation of natural testosterone production, given how long you were on cycle. Which means the pct protocol should not vary. What DOES make a difference is how long you are shut down/ on cycle. There is a substantial difference for pct/recovery period of a 5 week cycle versus a 30 week cycle. but the mg/week of drugs does not have a substantive effect.


#18

I’m sticking to one of the standard protocols as proposed on this forum. While some people I know claim I can get away without the use of clomid, I understand what you are saying and agree with you completely. I’m not so familiar with the type of pct one would use after a cycle using nandrolones for instance but I assume it would be a bit heavier or am I mistaken?


#19

you are mistaken. I JUST TOLD YOU that shut down is shut down. period. one thing people who use deca have to consider, though, is that clearance time is much longer for the drug, so pct needs to be started later than when it is not used. Same thing goes for any testosterone ester that has a longer half life.


#20

That is a very scary thought. Most PCT on this forum is totally brain dead, the wreckage comes to the T-replacement forum.