T Nation

Deadbeat Uncle on GF Side of Family

No education, he doesn’t really have a job… Or nobody know what it is. He drives a Range Rover. Has been arrested few times.

He stole from my GF. He stole from her brother (nephew).

My girlfriend used to be insecure about her weight. She used to work in a bank. Her uncle convinced her to do illegal stuff. She confessed soon after what she did but it was too late. She now has a criminal record (will go away) and bankrupt. I know this is true because I was there during whole court process. It almost ruined my GF’s dream of becoming a nurse.

He is a smooth talker and comes across as a very nice guy.

Anyways… Me and GF have a baby. I don’t want this uncle to ever come close. Luckily he lives in different city. But same state.

The problem is… My girlfriend forgave him. Her mom (uncle’s sister) really hasn’t done much. Most of the family doesn’t know.

This uncle will be there at family events. Should my family not go? Go and pretend like nothing happened? Forgive him? I will not be able to look at this guy in the eye and shake his hand. Or talk to him. And let him be around or hold my child. I seem to be the only one that’s really pissed at this guy.

If family is all forgetting and forgiving…you are fucked

[quote]Derek542 wrote:
If family is all forgetting and forgiving…you are fucked[/quote]
x2

Don’t let them turn YOU into the bad guy for being mad at the dude and not forgiving him/wanting anything to do with him.

thanks guys. that’s what i thought.

been reading T-Nation for years btw.

[quote]Derek542 wrote:
If family is all forgetting and forgiving…you are fucked[/quote]

Forgiving doesn’t mean forgetting.

Every family has one of those uncles. Keep him at arms length and you’ll be fine.

You can be cordial for family’s sake, but you don’t have to hang out with him on the weekends.

He sounds like a con artist. If that is true and everybody does the whole “I dunno” kind of thing about who he is and what he has done to one of their young ones, then you may be a fish in a shark tank of a family.

That is very bad for you. You can try to protect her, but if they don’t even protect their own- well, good luck.

I’d punch him in his fucking face but that’s just me…

I would just tell her your opinion on her uncle, It is good to forgive but that does not mean forget rather forgivence is down best for the person affecting, Forgiving someone that did you wrong so you can heal yourself. Always keep in mind events that happen though so not to be foolish as to repeat past mistakes… She may have forgiven him but do you think she is back to just letting him do whatever or does she just keep her knowledge about what he did and tread slowly around him?

The Buddha mentioned something similar along these lines “Hold a hot coal with the intention of throwing at someone but you will only burn yourself.”

Yo g12,

You only forgive if there has been a genuine show of remorse on his part. Has he decided to turn over a new leaf? Is there any evidence that he is serious…or is it just another con trick?

Cut him out all togethor and let people know why. Be resolute.

Just my 2c.

How old are you and your girlfriend? The first thing that stands out to me isn’t really the uncle but how can someone that has a child could put herself at risk legally and financially like that? I’m thinking that her family is really dysfunctional and maybe your girlfriend has a hard time setting boundaries and is easily manipulated.

There comes a time though, that no matter what you’ve “been through”, you have to be a big girl and learn how to tell people like that that you have no use for them and to get lost. I ran an accounting office for a few years and there isn’t anything that anyone could have said to me to get me to do something that would question my integrity or get me to do anything illegal. Then again, I have zero issues with saying no. Which brings me back to my initial statement, I think that she is young and impressionable, not in a good/healthy way.

As far as the family reunions, myself, I’d skip them altogether as it sounds like the rest of them aren’t any better. Why set yourself up for all of that drama? I have cut off members of my family on one side because of similar issues and my life is way better off for it. If there are people at the reunion that you really want to see or have your child see, just go visit them some other time.

Its her fault for being stupid. Your woman is stupid.

The family knows the uncle is a conman and they know not to take his wolf tickets. That’s why they act so nonchalant. Don’t hate him. Hate your gf for being so gullib
You treat him as a man but understand he is a monster and prepare for the attacks.

I wouldn’t even keep my kid away from this guy. Use this guy as a teaching tool to show your kid what kind of people to avoid.

[quote]hit the gym wrote:

[quote]MartyMonster wrote:
Yo g12,

You only forgive if there has been a genuine show of remorse on his part. Has he decided to turn over a new leaf? Is there any evidence that he is serious…or is it just another con trick?

Cut him out all togethor and let people know why. Be resolute.

Just my 2c.[/quote]

Sounds like piece shit

Sounds like my brother. He’s effectively made me the pariah through his manipulations, so be careful.

She is an adult, she deserves that criminal record.She is nearly as big as a scumbag as him.

Go but tell the uncle straight your feelings about him. What the rest of the family think is their business, but it is your child.

Does the rest of the family know his wrongdoings? I know a piece of shit conman type thats one of my best friend’s cousins, who was a good friend of mine for a while until I had enough of his shit. Even armed robbed a hotel but was never caught. Few people know/believe the truth and his family is not one of them.

The best route IMO would be to to go to family events, but not acknowledge him/keep him at a distance.

I would break up with the gf if you haven’t already. She is the company she keeps. I would also start collecting evidence to use against her in the custody battle in the event that it becomes necessary to take the child away from her due to the threat her uncle poses.

I would attend family events and make it clear that he is not to touch your child and that there will be consequences if he does.

[quote]Ct. Rockula wrote:
I wouldn’t even keep my kid away from this guy. Use this guy as a teaching tool to show your kid what kind of people to avoid.

[/quote]

This X1000.

There will always be ‘bad’ influences in your child’s life. At least this one you know.

I’ve learned all sorts of stuff from my more unsavory relatives… Mostly how not to live.

[quote]denisined wrote:
She is an adult, she deserves that criminal record.She is nearly as big as a scumbag as him.

Go but tell the uncle straight your feelings about him. What the rest of the family think is their business, but it is your child.[/quote]
Yeah, OP you are giving her the same blind eye her family gives the uncle. Don’t let her play the victim bullshit and dump the whole fucked up family.

Get custody too, sounds doable.