Dating Disasters

[quote]pushharder wrote:
I thought for sure we’d get more mileage out of this thread.[/quote]

Me, too.

I’ll give a brief summary of the SAMA thread.

My REALLY worst dating disaster was meeting an amazingly hot chick one Thursday night — huge boobs, nice face, fitness model body – in fact, she was a some time model, but her tits were a bit too big and too fake.

Fuck amazingly Thursday. Leave her at my place Friday. She’s still there when I get home (about 3:30pm ---- went to work at 4:00 AM). Fuck some more and more. And more.

Stays the weekend. She invites a almost-as-hot friend. We get stoned.

All of us fuck. And fuck some more. All weekend.

Both still there when I get home Monday.

And then they basically never leave for the better part of two years and do their best to ruin my life, replete with cop brother of the blond threatening to kill me, girls showing up at work, being permanently banned from a casino that is owned by my own fucking tribe, not being able to date a normal female, etc.

It was like the awesome one-night-stand from Hell.

One specific story regarding Psycho. She was 110% an exhibitionist. Extremely concerned about her looks and loved male attention. For example, she wanted to do porn – not for money – because she said the idea of men masturbating to her made her very excited.

It probably comes as no surprise that she knew about swinging clubs. So we decide to go to Sante Fe where there is a club she knows about. Bit of a hassle, in that it involves getting a blood test and submitting to the club. High end. Lots of rules, including, most importantly, no touching or joining in without an express invitation.

Well, we go there on the early side of the evening, and it’s actually a really neat place. Lots of rooms (without doors) and pretty cool furniture designed to fuck upright, etc.

As the evening goes one, turns out we were the youngest in the place by 30 years and there wasn’t another couple that was the least bit attractive.

So we decide to go off a bit and fuck by ourselves. Before the festivities, I took a viagra, because I had visions of having sex with 20 stripper-types.

We are going along and realize we have quite the audience. This is ideal with the pyscho, and I didn’t care. Getting into the grove when suddenly this old fag comes up close and jams his thumb (I presume) up my ass.

I cease my activities, and end up having a fist fight, my nethers fully exposed and fully engorged (thanks to the viagra) the entire time. Beat the shit out of the guy and we end up getting kicked out.

Pyscho is crying, calling me an asshole, and we drive back to our town with an erection that won’t go away, despite being painfully stuffed into a pair of jeans. Never got my rocks off.

I was at a swingers club in DC with this super hawt Asian chick I was on and off with for several years. I’m there doing the exhibitionist thing (this one had the same fantasy about loving guys masturbating to her) when fucking PRINCE shows up and starts hitting on my girl. WHILE I’m fucking her. Seriously, Prince, or the artist formerly known as Prince, or the symbol or whatever that short (he’s only like five foot nothin) little dick muther fucker is calling himself these days tried to hone in on my action. I did NOT get in a fist fight with him or anything, but my girl was all star struck and and wanted to stop and blah, blah, blah - I basically got cockblocked by Prince!

I did end up banging one of the chicks in his entourage, though :wink:

[quote]angry chicken wrote:
I was at a swingers club in DC with this super hawt Asian chick I was on and off with for several years. I’m there doing the exhibitionist thing (this one had the same fantasy about loving guys masturbating to her) when fucking PRINCE shows up and starts hitting on my girl. WHILE I’m fucking her. Seriously, Prince, or the artist formerly known as Prince, or the symbol or whatever that short (he’s only like five foot nothin) little dick muther fucker is calling himself these days tried to hone in on my action. I did NOT get in a fist fight with him or anything, but my girl was all star struck and and wanted to stop and blah, blah, blah - I basically got cockblocked by Prince!

I did end up banging one of the chicks in his entourage, though ;)[/quote]

Did he offer you pancakes or challenge you to a game of basketball?

[quote]angry chicken wrote:
I was at a swingers club in DC with this super hawt Asian chick I was on and off with for several years. I’m there doing the exhibitionist thing (this one had the same fantasy about loving guys masturbating to her) when fucking PRINCE shows up and starts hitting on my girl. WHILE I’m fucking her. Seriously, Prince, or the artist formerly known as Prince, or the symbol or whatever that short (he’s only like five foot nothin) little dick muther fucker is calling himself these days tried to hone in on my action. I did NOT get in a fist fight with him or anything, but my girl was all star struck and and wanted to stop and blah, blah, blah - I basically got cockblocked by Prince!

I did end up banging one of the chicks in his entourage, though ;)[/quote]

HA.

What is up with Asians and swinger parties?

The one fall out from my event was with the bartender/co-owner lady. She was a very attractive, slightly older, Asian woman.

Her husband called and, after some, hemming and hawing, I figured out he wanted me to fuck his wife (the bartender) while he watched.

I was game, and so proceeded on my next trip back to Sante Fe, obliged.

She was extremely skilled, and he (much older) watched, stroking his dick in the corner.

She kept screaming at him that she was finally getting a real man and a real cock to fuck her and things like “this is what a real cock feels like,” “She’s got a real man, now” etc, plus a bunch of stuff in some undetermined Asian language.

Anyway, when it was over, she dressed and served her husband and me beers and they were polite and nice, and loving on each other, like nothing weird happened.

I was invited back (by both of them, separately), but it was too weird.

I figured he would flip and shoot me or something.

[quote]jjackkrash wrote:

[quote]angry chicken wrote:
I was at a swingers club in DC with this super hawt Asian chick I was on and off with for several years. I’m there doing the exhibitionist thing (this one had the same fantasy about loving guys masturbating to her) when fucking PRINCE shows up and starts hitting on my girl. WHILE I’m fucking her. Seriously, Prince, or the artist formerly known as Prince, or the symbol or whatever that short (he’s only like five foot nothin) little dick muther fucker is calling himself these days tried to hone in on my action. I did NOT get in a fist fight with him or anything, but my girl was all star struck and and wanted to stop and blah, blah, blah - I basically got cockblocked by Prince!

I did end up banging one of the chicks in his entourage, though ;)[/quote]

Did he offer you pancakes or challenge you to a game of basketball? [/quote]

A dance off is the traditional way of settling these things, or so I understand.

[quote]angry chicken wrote:
I was at a swingers club in DC with this super hawt Asian chick I was on and off with for several years. I’m there doing the exhibitionist thing (this one had the same fantasy about loving guys masturbating to her) when fucking PRINCE shows up and starts hitting on my girl. WHILE I’m fucking her. Seriously, Prince, or the artist formerly known as Prince, or the symbol or whatever that short (he’s only like five foot nothin) little dick muther fucker is calling himself these days tried to hone in on my action. I did NOT get in a fist fight with him or anything, but my girl was all star struck and and wanted to stop and blah, blah, blah - I basically got cockblocked by Prince!

I did end up banging one of the chicks in his entourage, though ;)[/quote]
LMFAO

[quote]Jewbacca wrote:

[quote]jjackkrash wrote:

[quote]angry chicken wrote:
I was at a swingers club in DC with this super hawt Asian chick I was on and off with for several years. I’m there doing the exhibitionist thing (this one had the same fantasy about loving guys masturbating to her) when fucking PRINCE shows up and starts hitting on my girl. WHILE I’m fucking her. Seriously, Prince, or the artist formerly known as Prince, or the symbol or whatever that short (he’s only like five foot nothin) little dick muther fucker is calling himself these days tried to hone in on my action. I did NOT get in a fist fight with him or anything, but my girl was all star struck and and wanted to stop and blah, blah, blah - I basically got cockblocked by Prince!

I did end up banging one of the chicks in his entourage, though ;)[/quote]

Did he offer you pancakes or challenge you to a game of basketball? [/quote]

A dance off is the traditional way of settling these things, or so I understand.[/quote]
Gotta stomp his legs out.

[quote]Jewbacca wrote:

[quote]jjackkrash wrote:

[quote]angry chicken wrote:
I was at a swingers club in DC with this super hawt Asian chick I was on and off with for several years. I’m there doing the exhibitionist thing (this one had the same fantasy about loving guys masturbating to her) when fucking PRINCE shows up and starts hitting on my girl. WHILE I’m fucking her. Seriously, Prince, or the artist formerly known as Prince, or the symbol or whatever that short (he’s only like five foot nothin) little dick muther fucker is calling himself these days tried to hone in on my action. I did NOT get in a fist fight with him or anything, but my girl was all star struck and and wanted to stop and blah, blah, blah - I basically got cockblocked by Prince!

I did end up banging one of the chicks in his entourage, though ;)[/quote]

Did he offer you pancakes or challenge you to a game of basketball? [/quote]

A dance off is the traditional way of settling these things, or so I understand.[/quote]

Obligatory video

[quote]Jewbacca wrote:

[quote]jjackkrash wrote:

[quote]angry chicken wrote:
I was at a swingers club in DC with this super hawt Asian chick I was on and off with for several years. I’m there doing the exhibitionist thing (this one had the same fantasy about loving guys masturbating to her) when fucking PRINCE shows up and starts hitting on my girl. WHILE I’m fucking her. Seriously, Prince, or the artist formerly known as Prince, or the symbol or whatever that short (he’s only like five foot nothin) little dick muther fucker is calling himself these days tried to hone in on my action. I did NOT get in a fist fight with him or anything, but my girl was all star struck and and wanted to stop and blah, blah, blah - I basically got cockblocked by Prince!

I did end up banging one of the chicks in his entourage, though ;)[/quote]

Did he offer you pancakes or challenge you to a game of basketball? [/quote]

A dance off is the traditional way of settling these things, or so I understand.[/quote]

This is worth watching if you haven’t seen it:

[quote]thethirdruffian wrote:

[quote]angry chicken wrote:
I was at a swingers club in DC with this super hawt Asian chick I was on and off with for several years. I’m there doing the exhibitionist thing (this one had the same fantasy about loving guys masturbating to her) when fucking PRINCE shows up and starts hitting on my girl. WHILE I’m fucking her. Seriously, Prince, or the artist formerly known as Prince, or the symbol or whatever that short (he’s only like five foot nothin) little dick muther fucker is calling himself these days tried to hone in on my action. I did NOT get in a fist fight with him or anything, but my girl was all star struck and and wanted to stop and blah, blah, blah - I basically got cockblocked by Prince!

I did end up banging one of the chicks in his entourage, though ;)[/quote]

HA.

What is up with Asians and swinger parties?

The one fall out from my event was with the bartender/co-owner lady. She was a very attractive, slightly older, Asian woman.

Her husband called and, after some, hemming and hawing, I figured out he wanted me to fuck his wife (the bartender) while he watched.

I was game, and so proceeded on my next trip back to Sante Fe, obliged.

She was extremely skilled, and he (much older) watched, stroking his dick in the corner.

She kept screaming at him that she was finally getting a real man and a real cock to fuck her and things like “this is what a real cock feels like,” “She’s got a real man, now” etc, plus a bunch of stuff in some undetermined Asian language.

Anyway, when it was over, she dressed and served her husband and me beers and they were polite and nice, and loving on each other, like nothing weird happened.

I was invited back (by both of them, separately), but it was too weird.

I figured he would flip and shoot me or something.[/quote]

I’m pretty sure Houston Guy told the EXACT same story, except he didn’t mention if the asian girl was skilled or not. Maybe you and Houston Guy got with the same couple. If you ever meet you can high five over it.

[quote]on edge wrote:

[quote]thethirdruffian wrote:

[quote]angry chicken wrote:
I was at a swingers club in DC with this super hawt Asian chick I was on and off with for several years. I’m there doing the exhibitionist thing (this one had the same fantasy about loving guys masturbating to her) when fucking PRINCE shows up and starts hitting on my girl. WHILE I’m fucking her. Seriously, Prince, or the artist formerly known as Prince, or the symbol or whatever that short (he’s only like five foot nothin) little dick muther fucker is calling himself these days tried to hone in on my action. I did NOT get in a fist fight with him or anything, but my girl was all star struck and and wanted to stop and blah, blah, blah - I basically got cockblocked by Prince!

I did end up banging one of the chicks in his entourage, though ;)[/quote]

HA.

What is up with Asians and swinger parties?

The one fall out from my event was with the bartender/co-owner lady. She was a very attractive, slightly older, Asian woman.

Her husband called and, after some, hemming and hawing, I figured out he wanted me to fuck his wife (the bartender) while he watched.

I was game, and so proceeded on my next trip back to Sante Fe, obliged.

She was extremely skilled, and he (much older) watched, stroking his dick in the corner.

She kept screaming at him that she was finally getting a real man and a real cock to fuck her and things like “this is what a real cock feels like,” “She’s got a real man, now” etc, plus a bunch of stuff in some undetermined Asian language.

Anyway, when it was over, she dressed and served her husband and me beers and they were polite and nice, and loving on each other, like nothing weird happened.

I was invited back (by both of them, separately), but it was too weird.

I figured he would flip and shoot me or something.[/quote]

I’m pretty sure Houston Guy told the EXACT same story, except he didn’t mention if the asian girl was skilled or not. Maybe you and Houston Guy got with the same couple. If you ever meet you can high five over it.[/quote]

Maybe he did, but I also told my story here some years ago in SAMA, which is what I presume you are thinking of.

[quote]pushharder wrote:

I’ve been to a number of swinger clubs and never even come close to being accosted by a male.

[/quote]

I border on “pretty,” which I think is the problem. Like boy-band pretty. Also low body fat.

I just had a weird episode on a hunting trip – 8 guys, kids in tents. Drinking after the hunt, campfire. Last two watching the fire, when the other guy – a dad – went all Brokeback mountain on me out of the blue. I shoved him away with a “what the fuck!” and we haven’t spoke of it, but I won’t be around him again.

Guess that counts as a “dating disaster,” too.

I’m officially out of entertaining stories. Had a few girls puke on my penis and a whiskey dick episode for a girl I was chasing, but nothing worth telling.

I think people are holding back on us.

I feel bad for having nothing to contribute.

This wasn’t a date, but I did once have this hot lesbian puke all over this other girl’s lap in the back of my car lol. I was so fucking sleepy when we got back to my apartment I showed them where the cleaning stuff was and said “take care of it” and went to sleep. It was a lot better than I expected when I looked in the back seat the next morning.

I had a date with a super hot Asian chick too once. Went back to her place and everything was going pretty darned fine and as things heated up she stopped and said she would like to talk about something. Um, ok. She said she’d let me fuck her any which way I wanted (so far so good) but when I was done she wanted to use her strap-on, which she pulled out and Mother of God it was bright red and like 2 ft. long. No shit. Apparently she really liked being a sex toy then reaming out the guy’s ass and pee-ing on him afterwards while she masturbated. I was out of there at that point. So much for her.

[quote]thethirdruffian wrote:

I border on “pretty,” which I think is the problem. Like boy-band pretty. Also low body fat.

I just had a weird episode on a hunting trip – 8 guys, kids in tents. Drinking after the hunt, campfire. Last two watching the fire, when the other guy – a dad – went all Brokeback mountain on me out of the blue. I shoved him away with a “what the fuck!” and we haven’t spoke of it, but I won’t be around him again.
[/quote]

Had problems with gay guys (FYI no issue with them and by best buddy ever was a flaming queer) at the gym especially one summer when I managed to hit and maintain about 5% body fat. Normally a simple “not interested” suffices. So this one middle aged fat dude starts following me around and trying to talk about his dysfunctional mother, then about his trust fund. I dodge him and head to another part of the gym and he follows me.

We repeat this several times until I manage to give him the slip. Later I am in the shower which was just a big common room with dozens of nozzles and a couple of doors and look up to see this guy standing there with his cellphone, filming me. So I take out after him soaped up and buck nekkid through the locker room yelling at him I’d beat the shit out of him if he didn’t leave me alone. He ran off (and avoided me after that).

Quite a scene. I’m really surprised the cops didn’t get called on that one, but I’m pretty sure everyone else in the place took a really keen interest in the floor at that point…

[quote]jj-dude wrote:
I had a date with a super hot Asian chick too once. Went back to her place and everything was going pretty darned fine and as things heated up she stopped and said she would like to talk about something. Um, ok. She said she’d let me fuck her any which way I wanted (so far so good) but when I was done she wanted to use her strap-on, which she pulled out and Mother of God it was bright red and like 2 ft. long. No shit. Apparently she really liked being a sex toy then reaming out the guy’s ass and pee-ing on him afterwards while she masturbated. I was out of there at that point. So much for her. [/quote]
Why didn’t you just agree and change your mind half way through?

[quote]Silyak wrote:

[quote]jj-dude wrote:
I had a date with a super hot Asian chick too once. Went back to her place and everything was going pretty darned fine and as things heated up she stopped and said she would like to talk about something. Um, ok. She said she’d let me fuck her any which way I wanted (so far so good) but when I was done she wanted to use her strap-on, which she pulled out and Mother of God it was bright red and like 2 ft. long. No shit. Apparently she really liked being a sex toy then reaming out the guy’s ass and pee-ing on him afterwards while she masturbated. I was out of there at that point. So much for her. [/quote]
Why didn’t you just agree and change your mind half way through?[/quote]

Cause I figured she had issues and I try not to violate Montie’s Law: “Never stick your dick in crazy”. Later she broke up with a boyfriend and made it a point of telling everyone about their sex life including his love of water sports and bondage. Nasty and batshit crazy. Yup. And way hot too. Glad I dodged that one.