T Nation

Dating a Virgin

allright, theres this girl that i met last week that i really like. according to her friends though, she has always been really sheltered, is still a virgin, and is very shy. that is one the reasons i like her though and she seems really cool. my only problem is i dont really know how fast (or slow) to take things. i hung out with her and her friends tonight just as like a casual thing and unfortunately one of her abnoxious friends interupted every single conversation we had and pretty much ruined the night. as i was leaving her friend got in the way and so i didnt even get a hug or anything. i am supposed to go out with her this friday on an actual date, which i would assume is without her friends. so my question is, what sort of steps should i take on the first date with this type of girl (hold hands, kiss, etc…) i really like her, but i feel kinda awkward around her becasue i dont know what i should do or not do. also, if anyone has any suggestions of what to do on a first date let me know. i was thinking just like dinner and a movie or something, but if anyone has any better ideas any advice you can give me is appreciated. thanks

Women will look to you to see that you are comfortable in the situation. If you are nervous, it’s going to rub off on her. Light, casual touches throughout the night are good. For example, when opening the door for the young lady, a gentle touch at the small of her back is appropriate, and sends the message that you are comfortable with her. Dinner and a movie is overdone, but work with what you have. Since you said that you had trouble gettitng a chance to talk to her on the last date, why not do something that involves an activity that you two can both do while talking. Think miniature golf. But really, it doesn’t matter, as long as you make sure that you keep the conversation fun and moving during whatever time you have to talk (dinner, etc).

If there is one thing I have learned from seinfeld dont take IT out. Unless she asks you to, then by all means.

:slight_smile: Groove

Be yourself but DO NOT push anything on her. She may not be as sheltered as you think. It could be that she has some religious reson for remaining a virgin, and in that case you don’t have right to tempt her to turn away from that. If you truly like her, find out more about her, by being yourself, then you will know exactly what to do…Best of luck!

Gee Nic, why is it every time I sit down to re someone’s post, I find myself wishing I had more information to go on(age, age of girl, religous background, intentions in the relationship, etc.) Personally I think there’s a great deal of difference between a 19 yr old virgin and a 28 yr old virgin, to say nothing of what you’re looking for in a relationship. But, for the sake of argument, i’m going to assume that you’re both young(<25), and that you’re possibly interested in pursuing something serious with this girl if she’s really legit. Oh, also, region of the country would be helpful to know too.

Ok, as to how much to do, everyone is going to have various thoughts on this, and most will come back to the fact that you have to feel it out for yourself. Obviously this would not be the girl to invite up to your apartment the first night out, but I can’t imagine there being a problem with anything else. Personally I like to take things in stages by starting with small touches and if she welcomes that, then hold her hand, etc. If she shuts you down early, then you know not to pass that line yet, and it leaves you very little of an awkward situation. Again, knowing your ages specifically would help things as there are many differences between two high school students on a first date and two college students or post grads on a first, ya see? Just remember that I’m trying to be as specifically vague as possible(how cool is that wording!).

Alright, now, for ideas for a date. Personally, I’ve hoped T-mag would start some sort of column like this that would be sort of a “Dear Abby” for guys kind of thing where we could share our good ideas with one another and women could share what works on them too. (Gang o’ babes is great about sex, but some of us need a little help getting there ;o)

Anyhow, first date ideas that work really well. First and foremost: HAVE THE WHOLE DATE COMPLETELY PLANNED!!! Women like a man with a plan(yes I stole that ;o). Dinner is a good idea, but as you two don’t have any real relationship yet established, an hour of direct conversation can be a bit taxing even for the best conversationalists. Look for a themed sort of restaurant that offers some sort of focus other than each other. Personally Ilike Japanese Steak Houses where they prepare at your table as it gives both of you something to focus on and an experience to share. Melthing Pot(Fondue) sorts of places are also great although a bit pricey since dinner for 2 with desert can fun upwards of 70 bucks! (ouch!) As it’s likely cold where you are unless you’re one of the lucky readers from down under, you should stay indoors if possible, though make sure you layer so you can offer her your coat without getting frostbitten.

Now, if dinner went well and she seems to be having fun and you’re still having fun, suggest another activity. Movies are okay, but not always the best as it doesn’t give you much of a chance to interact. If you have any live theatre(or Opera…jk ;o), take her there as it will have intermission(s) where you can talk and share the experience. If by chance this freaky weather warms up for a day, do something outdoors, but I doubt that’ll happen. Basically again, pick something where the focus isn’t on each other the whole time–leave her wishing she had more time to talk to you and you’re on the right track my friend.

Dinner and a movie or play or some sort of combo like that, while cliched, has become trite for a very good reason: it works! Ritualistic sorts of things like this are great because it gives you a framework to feel each other out(not up ;o), and it sets the groundwork for future things. You might be worried that she won’t be impressed unless you come up with something mind blowing, and that may be true, in which cast the first date is a good time to find out lest you spend the next few months trying to please a princess.

I’ll share with you a final touch that has worked very well in the past. Before the date, go by a good florist and get a really nice rose unwrapped with only a water vial attached to it(thorns removed too). Ask them for a Virginia Rose if you can. The VR is a large, white, very fragrant rose, and symbolizes the purity or your feelings for her and also, subtly, your respect of her purity as well. Also, of most rose sold in the US, it is one of the most fragrant. Keep it by your seat throughout the date, and at the end of the night when you walk her to her door or her car, pull it out and give it to her saying something to the degree of, “You were so much fun to be around tonight, and just in case I messed up at some point(give rose here), I want to be sure I can have a second date.” Modify it to suit your own verbage, but the sentiment should stay somewhat intact.

Try and keep compliments in the 2nd person if possible(“You are…”) instead of the 3rd reflexive("I enjoy what you are…"etc). Of course, this all assumed you still like the girl Friday. If she’s not what you thought, keep the rose, swing by a hot ex’s house on the way home, and put the rose to better use;o) Best of luck! Lets have an update this weekend!

Stick it in her ass. Then she’ll still be a virgin!

thanks for the responses guys. operaman, i will definately try what you said. just so you know, i am 19/sophmore in college, she is 18/freshman, i live in orlando, and im looking for a real relationship. pretty much all the girls i’ve met in college just seem to want to party all the time and dont really want a relationship, but this girl seems different and she is really nice and she also seems like a very cool person to be around. though i definately like sex, that is not my concern right now. and to nate dawgy dizawg - you are the man. haha, you never know. maybe if things get more serious between me and her, she might turn out to be really freaky. or at least i hope…haha

You never know bro! I’ve had some innocent church going girls that turned out to be some real freaky deaky’s in the bedroom! LOL! Just take it slow and go with the flow. As long as her friend isn’t there to supervise your date, things should go well. Just show her that you’re interested in more than just the poontang. And spend some time getting to know her and listening to her. After a while, you’ll both be very comfortable and things will progress nicely. Just be yourself when you’re with her. But don’t go trying to hump her too soon. That could get you in trouble!

Orlando, huh? Save up your money and take her to Emeril’s restaurant at Universal Citywalk. All the women seem to like that. Of course, you’ll drop $150 on the date, but what the heck.

Virgin? Don’t believe all that you hear.

hey, you got any other a little less expensive ideas for a date. if so you could really help me out because i have only been in orlando for a couple of months and since i go to ucf i dont really go into the actual city too much so i have no clue as to what all there is in the city or any good places to take dates. as far as the virgin thing goes usually i wouldnt believe something like that , but i was talking to her online and on her aol profile under maritial status it says “Waiting on God’s best for myself” and then under the quotes section she has several bible quotes. looks like i may be waiting a long time for pootie. LOL

Skip the movie thing since the idea is to get to know her and most people freak if you talk during a movie.

Since you’re down south, I assume it’s fairly warm, so plan a picinic. It’s cheap and romantic and it’ll give you plenty of time to talk. If she’s into sports, you could take her to a minor league hockey or basketball game. Minor league games are great. they feature all of the up and comers and they’re usually a lot cheaper (tickets AND concessions) than the major league equivalent.

As far as the virgin thing is concerned, now that she’s out in the real world without her parents watching her every move, maybe she’ll decide to rebel and stop being a virgin?!

You met her online? Oh boy, now you’re really asking for trouble! I hope she turns out to be a she and hopefully, you won’t be bamboozled! Play it safe. Go for a picnic in a public area, just in case you need to drop the goods and run for your life.

Watch out for the Type C people. They believe that God will take care of everything. And they are the ones that won’t seek medical attention when they can easily be cured. Because in their mind, “God meant for this to happen, and he’ll take care of things in his own way” Or she’ll tell you that God came to her and told her whether you are the right person or not. I’m not trying to knock God (I grew up Catholic), but sometimes, peole take their religion a little too far. Trust me, I’ve met and dated some of these types of girls in the past.

naw, i didnt meet her online. i met her at a party and believe it or not she was drinking. and i am fairly certain she does not have testicles, she is actually really freaking hot and even better she has a twin so if things dont work out between the 2 of us i can always go after the other one, LOL. when we were hanging out the other day she asked me what my name on instant messenger was and then she instant messaged me and it wasn’t until then, when i looked at her online profile that i realized she was a really religous person. i knew she was the “good girl” type, and that she went to church but i didnt know it was to that extreme. anyways, maybe since she was drinking and she didnt seem to talk about god or anything other than mentioning she had to go to church in the morning on saturday night, maybe it wont be as bad as i think. anyways , i will definately take everyones advice and just try to take things slow. thanks for all the responses, i will keep you guys updated.

Alright bro, then you have fun and keep it real. Sounds like it should go smoothly.

Yo Nic,
I think I say this for everyone in saying that you better update us on how the date went! Good luck my man!

I knew this girl a couple of years ago who was also a virgin. The thing was she would give all the head you could want. Even better, she even would take it up the backdoor just to preserve her virginity. Just something to think about. Good luck.

Glad you brought up the Type C people that think “God will Provide”. They need to remember that God will also punish their lazy asses for waiting around for the handout.


Hey nic, you’ve got some really good advice here to work with, so I hope things all go well for ya. I like the picnic idea, but that might be better reserved for a second date as its a lot of planning on your part, and you want to be sure you can click with this girl. Remember that a date is for you to have fun together, not for you to serve as her cruise director. I think this point is fundamental to why so many relationships go awry. Personally I like movie dates for the simple fact that you CAN’T have a conversation for a couple hours; besides, once you run out of the initial getting acquainted info, finding things to talk about can get tough, so give it time. If you end the date with her wishing she got to talk to you more, then you did a great job :o) And hey, lets not forget that we guys, given enough time, will say something stupid–keep the odds in your favor. Oh, and one thing above ALL ELSE: Be interested, and be interesting, IN THAT ORDER! Ask more questions than make statements and you can’t lose.

As for the Type C people(love the punishing their lazy asses line!), odds are good this isn’t one of them, especially if she was partying and drinking. She’s a freshman, so just remember what it was like for you as a freshmen searching for an identity and for a friendship group. What you might have found in sports, at the gym or in a frat, she likely found in a church group and thus most of her relgious views are really her way of fitting in and not necessarily who she really is. I’m from the southeat, the buckle of the bible belt, and I see this happen a million times. But of course, you’ll have to feel it out for yourself and see how fanatical she is, and believe me it won’t take long if she’s nuts!

LOL! Hey, if God doesn’t punish them, then they are just punishing themselves for sitting on their asses! Yeah, you never know, this girl may just be a nice girl who attends church and has good morals, values and beliefs. And she may be pretty cool and not too crazy! So she may be a damn good catch.