T Nation

Dating a girl who betrayed me...


Hey guys,
I am asking for input here, seen as many of the threads now posted here are about dating.
Situation: 6 months ago, I meet a girl, who is dating a guy in a long distance relationship. But things aren't going so well, and she is very interested in me. So we started dating, and eventually we became very intimate. Basically, we WERE bf/gf but she was technically dating this other guy.
I wanted here to break up with him, but she kept saying that because they had dated so long, she couldn't just 'call him up' and break it off. She told me it didn't matter anyways, because her and I were for all intents and purposes bf/gf anyways, so whats the rush? I accepted this because I had tried to push the issue, but didn't want to hurt her by being too pushy, so whatever.
Here I am thinking that alls good and then BOOM, this xmas she decided to break up with him. She went back to her hometown, and brought him along. And then...
And then she broke up with him.

I know she wants to be with me, and honestly, I really really want to be with her too, but can I trust her? Before christmas, I specifically asked her if I could trust her not to 'fuck around' with this guy, and she promised me I could. She has said she's falling in love with me, but what does this xmas tryst say about that.?!?!

So WTF am I supposed to do?!??!?!!?
She cheated on me, right!??!?!?

She said that it just happened, that she was drunk, and that it meant nothing to her. I decided to tell her that we needed to go on a break, so for the time being we aren't seeing each other, but if I wanted I could make it happen. She was very sad when I told her we need the break, but she said she understanded my need to do so.

I feel she's in the wrong, and I don't know if I can trust her... But I like her so much I don't know whether to go with my heart, and forgive her, or my head, and dump her.

Help me, t-men and vixens!


You were stupid for getting involved with another guy's girl in the first place. I think that what she did just further illustrates her true nature.


thats a hard one dude! As far as her excuse about being drunk and it just happened, I wouldn't take that shit at all! If she has any respect for you at all she shouldn't let herself get into a state where she isn't aware of what she's doing ie. have drunken sex with someone. If it were me I'd tell her this and kick her ass to the curb! She obviously doesn't have any morals or respect and doesn't really care about how her actions will impact on others....having said all that I still understand your dilemma but I would never be able to get that shit out of my head. good luck though.


Let's see ... technically she cheated on him with you, and then cheated on you with him.

I'd have some serious concerns.


How much does she mean to you? If it's your average BF/GF not going to be together forever type thing just leave. If she means more than that you might want to wrestle through this a bit further and find out what's going on in her head.


Yeah sorry bro but this chick is a cheater.She did it before and chances are she will do it again since she views this as a "normal" thing..Save yourself the future pain,and troubles just bail on her and find a girl with some decent morals that will care for you....


you will never trust her gain in your life. that is all the info you need.


Hey Archaic....Sorry to hear about you and your girl. Since I'm a girl, I'll be the estrogen advocate here and give you advice the way I'd give one of my girlfriends....I hope you don't mind, I'm only trying to be helpful, as you sound like a super sweet guy. Your situation in girlland is otherwise known as a "no-brainer"-- when girls/guys date guys/girls who are involved with others to begin with- the no-brainer part is that she cheated on him with you, which makes her a cheater, and then she turned around and cheated on you and you are surprised. Obviously, her values are not the best, and technically, you've been burned twice, the first time, you were the "other guy", and the second time, she slept with her boyfriend/soon-to-be-ex-while- you-also-were-her-boyfriend guy. So to ask if she is any good for you, a true friend would say, NO SHE IS NOT GOOD FOR YOU. Remember the saying, "burn me once, shame on you; burn me twice, shame on me..." (something like that). Anyway, good luck, you deserve so much better. DON'T SETTLE FOR ANYTHING THAT IS NOT GOOD ENOUGH FOR YOU!! Love and Aloha, Michelle:)


the fact that she cheated on her boyfriend with you says it all. Why would you trust her to not cheat on you.

You should not be hooking up with a girl that has a boyfriend anyway.

Mike Mahler


Nope. Run, don't walk.

Dan "Next!" McVicker


Grab your balls and hit the road, Jack!

But, fuck, do what you want. Its your self-esteem (or chump-esteem) thats going to pay the price if you stay there.


1) She just pulled that I was drunk, I didnt think of itexcuse that every guy uses when caught. These tactics usually work fine with DUMB girls. Intelligent WOMEN wont mind your crap and kick you to the curb -- their self-esteem is far mor important than your whining/crying/lack of self control. Do you really want to be the sucker? How would that impact your manliness?

2) She just gave you 2 excellent proofs that shes a loose canon. Need more? And whos gonna be the cuckooded next time? You bet it - YOU! Think about it.

P.S. For all those who prefer the softer, more human approach... give her a chance to redeem herself. If she did do a stupidity while drunk, keep it simple and ask her to stop drinking. If your self-esteem and feelings are not worth a bottle of liquour, then you have your answer on what she feels about you and what are her REAL priorities. On the other hand, if she drops the booze completely, then now you have REAL evidence that she loves you. At least it`s ground for hope.

Just my 2 cents.


Obviously the BF/GF relationship means something different to each of you.

I suggest you find a woman whose ideals are in line with your own.


I have to agree with stucross. I am personally sick and tired of hearing that someone did blah blah blah because they were drunk. If you can't control your actions, don't get drunk.

Her track record ain't the cleanest. I am suprised that P-Dog didnt say it so I will. Don't take her back until she lets you do her in the butt. :slightly_smiling:


Being more optimistic (some may say naive) but I'll bet that if she did indeed break up with her ex that he put alot of pressure on her to sleep together one last time. Looks like she cracked.

It could be that she just thought that it would be the last time, i mean she did tell you they had sex after all (i assume thats how you found out!)whereas if she was intending to do it again she probably would have hidden it from you.

I agree with steely if she means alot to you then you should talk with her and hear her out. If you don't like the answers then you should move on, but i wouldn't throw it away just yet.
Though I like you would have serious reservations about trusting her if she 'promised' not to mess with him and then hooked up with him anyways.

Where does he live? If she tries to maintain contact with him then I'd say she still has feelings for him. Say to her something like 'Its cool by me if you still want to be friends with your ex' if she says 'Really?' and smiles then dump her! Hopefully she'll say 'No I don't want anything to do with him...'


She cheated on him so what made you think she wouldn't do it to you.She's a whore.Kick her to the curb.


Dump her.


Lessee...she went back to her hometown for Christmas and "brought him along?" Uh...okayyyy (hint, hint).

Now, after she returns, you find out she slept with the guy. First question is: how did you find out? I mean, she was outta town, she was obviously aware of how you would feel if she "cheated" on you, she apparently intended on continuing seeing you, so how the hell did you find out? I mean, why would she ever admit to cheating under the circumstances you describe? As Judge Judy would say: "It just doesn't make sense to me, and if it doesn't make sense to me, it's not true."

Methinks you have too much free time on-hand, and have very little future as a fiction writer!


Hey, she's a "cheater," right? She can't "ever" be trusted, right? She "betrayed" the guy, right? So, if she has such poor character, why in the hell would she ever admit to cheating when there was damn-near zero chance of being caught?



Do the same thing to her. Bone her and run.


I agree you were stupid for getting involved with her in the first place until she broke ties with the other guy. Just let it go and find someone else.