T Nation

Damn Vegans


So the company I work for is providing dinner for everyone because we have a busy night and we want to encourage people to stay for overtime. I am the one that sets up all the food with the restaurant thatâ??s catering. After I send all my managers an email telling them all of the food weâ??re getting (about a dozen or more dishes), I get this email back:

Do you know if they have any plans to accommodate vegans or can we just go f ourselves?

What do you think I wanted to respond with? I guess "Slit your own fucking throat" would have worked. But alas, I have to be more professional than that. Damn vegetarians â?? Vegans actually which are worse.


Give them what they request. But as a side dish, be sure to include a copy of the book "The Vegetarian Myth".

These fuckers need to be set straight.


How to serve vegan
Shove stick up their ass
put on spit
roast intil a golden brown

I love vegan it's taste like veal vegatarian is a little too tough sometimes.

My feeling is if you don't eat meat your prey and fall down a level on the food chain


Why insult them when they do it themselves?

"I am sorry to inform you that there are no such plans. If you see fucking yourself as your only option, then by all means do so - though it might prove more useful to address a complaint to our management. P.S.: Carnivores rule."


Never gets old.


offer a pasta dish or salad bar. If your a vegan, then you put yourself in this hell and you should have to deal with it. Animal eaters unite! Majority rules, not the vegan outcasts.


I guess he kinda responded like a dick but you could have used a little foresight with this one.


Vegan = Old word for "Shitty hunter/fisherman".


Tell them they are eating cow processed veggies- the cow (pig, chicken, fish etc) had to eat something to grow. So in a six degrees method they are eating veggies, just one step removed.


I respect those people. We all know the meat we eat comes from a very ugly industry.
Anyway they don't need to be accomodated. Just don't eat the meat, it is not that complicated.


If you wanted to be a dick send that email to HR and complain, see how they like being f'd.

Or just reply "Absolutely" that could go either way.


Was going to suggest this book. There is quite possibly nothing on earth that pisses me off more than self-righteous vegetarians. Even when they don't try to push their beliefs on you, they have this attitude of smug conceited entitlement that makes me want to beat the green leafy shit out of them. They account for less than 1% of the population yet act like everybody should accomodate their whims. The health benefits of being a vegetarian are heavily debatable and that book makes a mockery of any sort of moral position. Industrial farming has accounted for irreversible damage to the environment, ruining the top soil of hundreds of thousands of square miles of earth and the extinction of countless species who have subsequently lost their habitats.


I've always wondered if vegans/vegetarians can perform oral sex? Technically, it's putting meat in your mouth and if they're any good, there is swallowing involved.


Have you considered reporting the email? Its not particularly appropriate for a workplace. It would be pretty funny to see the "high and mighty" vegan get repremanded.


My sister-in-law eats like this...

I openly mock her at family events. One of the few joys of being married.


Why dont you go tell that to this guy...



That's tough man. Firstly you can't please everyone, particularly related to food, some people take it so "personal".

Can they not eat bread, salad, rice, nuts, juice?

Oh while we're on it - Do the vegan's in your office not wear leather shoes and belts either? And they eat ABSOLUTELY no dairy? Many grocery items/condiments/sauces etc ALL contain traces of animal fats/proteins/emulsifiers etc. I'd like to see how they avoid it.



Some of you guys are really up on your high horses.


I highly doubt any vegans in his office wear leather anything. Plenty of dedicated vegans are ridiculously diligent when it comes to avoiding animal products.

It's the air of entitlement they, or at least the vegan in the OP, have. Nobody should have to accomodate their ridiculous, unnatural eating habits.


"Quite the contrary! There will be a veritable smorgasbord of sumptuous vegan delights, including but not limited to cabbage rinds, raw turnip, and free-range oxygen smeared generously on celery sticks! It will truly be a feast of medieval proportions, minus the cruelty of course. Come, feast upon our bounty!"

Then, purchase a 12-pack of "Slim Jim" brand meat sticks. Leave them haphazardly strewn on a table, with a small sign that reads "Vegan Selection".