T Nation

Damn Good Romantic Advice

Since so many young men unsure of themselves come here looking for ways to hit on women, I thought I’d pass along a timely quote from Dan Savage. It’s one of the finest pieces of advice I’ve seen in, oh, at least a week:

“There’s a war on, motherfucker! The whole fuckin’ world is falling the fuck apart! Take a goddamn chance!”

Or how about this one…

“If you’re too much of a pussy to take a chance, just go get a big jar of Vaseline and shut the fuck up.”

-me

I think that goes for the Oscar’s too. Boo-fucking-hoo ratings were down. In my opinion the only people that should’ve been watching them are the celebrities that are participating.

In my opinion, the whole event is completely inane. Silly mindless drones in this country can’t form opinions of their own and need someone to give them out…swampy end of the gene-pool.

Swimming in the chlorinated end with my fellow T-men – Derek

Doc, I appreciate your subtle approach to advice-giving, but for most people I think it’s more useful to be direct.

Derek, are you familiar with the term ‘non-sequitur’?

Whoa there DocT! Vaseline is oil-based and certainly not optimal for the intended use that you are hinting at. Much better off with a non-pretroleum based lotion, preferably without lanolin or any animal-based products. Perhaps I have increaminated myself, but I shall use this as an opportunity to take one for the team so that the team may unload later with utmost confidence.

MBE: “If variety is the spice of life, he’s your illegal cable. Since 1532.”

MBE, you wouldn’t be talking about Kentucky Jelly, would ya?

MBE - increaminated…wow…very good son, you make pappy very proud.

I’m reminded of a study that I remember hearing about years ago. This dude went up to random women and asked them point blank “hey, would you like to fuck?” He found that out of approximately every 100 that he approached, 3 would say yes.

Over the course of a day, you can ask this question a hell of a lot of times.

Zev,

Well I am now that I looked it up. I didn’t interpret the quote correctly. I’m going on 2 hours of sleep here, cut me some slack.

Swimming my way back to the swampy end…

CGB - compared to the time and stress invested in taking a girl out, calling, expressing “feelings”, etc., just point blank asking 30-40 women a day to fuck sounds a lot easier.

The study should be refined so that they look at where women are most likely to say yes (i.e. in a bar, at the gym, at work, in line at the grocery store, etc.).

2 words, crack whore. Crack whores are the cheapet easiest way to get sex. Of course, you have to lok past the skinny bony body, the diseases, the pimps, and actually having to pay for sex. BUt hey if you are desperate it is the best way to go. I’ve included a picture of my favourite crack whore, and a suggestion that you give her a try.

They also did a study where a woman asked lots of random men if they’d like to fuck. If I recall, well more than half answered in the affirmative, which leads to the obvious question: who knew that almost half the male population of the US is gay?

Derek:

No sweat. The excellence of your perma-quote makes up for your transitory idiocy.

Jared, I recall that the guy didn’t discriminate. He asked any woman he came across (so to speak)- age, looks etc were not factors. I assume he wanted the study to be scientific, so he payed close attention to properly sampling the population.

So, it makes me wonder what would have happened if he went to a bar or something and did the same thing.

If a smoking hot girl asked me to fuck I’d have to decline, because you never know how many guys have said yes that day before you.

“So, it makes me wonder what would have happened if he went to a bar or something and did the same thing”

Well, it would depend on the time. I assume that if you went into a bar doing that at 10-11pm, you would get beat up, slapped, or shot. However, from 2-3am, I think you might actually do well. Maybe even as high as 20-30%, depending on strength of drinks served at the bar. :slight_smile: