T Nation

Daily Funny Things

In this thread, record funny things you see each day so everyone else can share a laugh or two. Pics of whatever act would be great but not required.

I was sitting at a red light and across the street there was a shitty strip club. A man came strolling out with a hatchet in one hand and a second outfit rolled up under his other arm, no bullshit. He inspired this thread.

Letter from a debtor:

“I’m sorry my payment is late this month. The dog ate my teeth.”

[quote]pushmepullme wrote:
Letter from a debtor:

“I’m sorry my payment is late this month. The dog ate my teeth.”[/quote]
Hilarious. Did he get any sympathy?

The exact text I got from one of the guys who work for me:

HIM: "IH, I won’t be able to come to work today. Sorry. So, i’ve never had this happen before, but yesterday while at work, out of nowhere MAJOR Hemorroid. I can’t even move around anymore. I guess I am going to have to go to the ER or something. I may have to have surgery, I don’t know.

ME: “OW”

HIM: “YEAH! I just wanted to let you know, because I may not be in tomorrow either. It seems like it’s not something that just goes away.”

ME: “Ok… um, thanks?”

IH,

Truly hilarious!

Regards,

HG

So I work with men all day. I own, run, and work my barbershop. Have girls working for me. We laugh, joke with everyone, keep it light, and we have the greatest time!

I had a client just recently call up to cancel his appt with me. He gets on the line to say that he is sorry to cancel, as this is the first time in years he is doing so. I say ok lets reschedule.

He goes on to explain that he cannot do that at this time. Then he asks me NOT to make him laugh this time, “Please don’t make me laugh!!!” Well this client has given me so much great material over the years that it takes every ounce of myself not to bust out right then and there.

“OK, I won’t make you laugh,” I agree.

So he tells his story. Apparently he was watching the 49ers vs Saints who didn’t win a thing in the long haul (FWIW I watched Packers vs. Giants & I hate the fooken Giants and then they go off to win the Superbowl!!!)

Anyway, he was watching the games by himself and really got in the ol-team-spirit! Yelling and cursing the plays left and right. Jumping around like a maniac. Then suddenly things came to an abrupt standstill… He gave himself a hernia!!!

OMG the entire barbershop erupted. He was on speaker phone (and he knew it)! I couldn’t help it. We laughed so hard! He hung up (so he wouldn’t laugh) only to call me back later to reschedule.

Hernia!!! He now has to have surgery for a game( 49s vs. Saints) where the winner didn’t even make it out of the playoffs. It cost him well over $3000!

He is never going to watch any games by himself again!! lol

Saw this the other day…

I teach in Asia and see wacky T shirts all the time.

The best was a guy and in red letters it said “EVERLASTING COCKSUCKER”.

One of my 5 year-old students (Taiwanese) walked into class a couple of days ago and said to the rest of the class “Hello Chinese people!”.

[quote]Nards wrote:
I teach in Asia and see wacky T shirts all the time.

The best was a guy and in red letters it said “EVERLASTING COCKSUCKER”.

One of my 5 year-old students (Taiwanese) walked into class a couple of days ago and said to the rest of the class “Hello Chinese people!”.[/quote]

Japan had some great ones. The “best” (although worst) was a 6-7 year old girl wearing a T-Shirt that said “READY FOR THE FUCK” on the front.

I visited a little Japanese town once and there was a clothing store simply called “FUCK”. It wasn’t edgy or trendy or anything like that, just standard casual clothes. I asked the owner (in Japanese) why he had picked that particular store name…he said he bought the business and that’s what it was called at the time.

I just posted in the “ruin your day” thread so I thought I should post here to make myself feel better. And I am bragging.

At pedatric doctor with 3 1/3 yr old daughter.

Dr.: “Anything new over the past three months?”
Me: “She is reading now.”
Dr.: (smile that says ‘yeah, sure’)
Talk about stuff…
Daughter: “Why does your calender say January instead of February?”
Dr.: “I’m sure that if says…”(turns and notices they had not changed the calendar)
Dr looks back at me puzzled and surprised
Me: “I told you she is reading.”

The story makes me laugh.

I had my dog out in the courtyard near my building the other day, and Superbowl Fever was still running rampant in NY. As the yard is enclosed with a mesh fence, I can pretty much watch the world go by while my pup romps around.

Suddenly, I hear yelling, as some guy in Giants gear runs down the street towards someone walking the opposite direction. “Yeah, we did it, go Giants!” But as he suddenly comes to the other person who I can only assume he thought was wearing a blue giants parka, he abruptly stops at the sudden realization that it was actually a NYC postal worker who was just wearing his standard issue blue jacket and hat. -lol

S

Good stuff ya’ll. It’s a new day bound to be filled with hilarity for some, keep 'em coming.

This morning a recycling truck was driving down a street. It was a pretty fancy truck with an arm that reaches out to grab the can and dump its contents.

Well the driver must have been new because halfway down the street he just knocked three cans in a row over. After the third one he noticed. The truck stopped, he opened the door to look and then had a nervous face and you could tell he was trying to decide what to do. He chose to leave the trash every where but started hopping out and manually emptying cans, poor guy.

I went to the local convenience store the other night, to pick up some food. I parked the car, picked up my stuff, then walked back to my car.

When I got in and was about to shut the door, I noticed an odd air freshener smell and the seat felt plushy. I looked around and realized that it wasn’t my car!

I quickly got out, looked in the car to see if anyone was in the backseat… like a kid, or something and hurried to my car which was parked on the opposite side of the lot.

Thank god nobody saw me do it. :confused:

[quote]HoustonGuy wrote:

[quote]pushmepullme wrote:
Letter from a debtor:

“I’m sorry my payment is late this month. The dog ate my teeth.”[/quote]
Hilarious. Did he get any sympathy?[/quote]

Nah. His check had a restrictive endorsement so we sent it back and charged him for the effort.

Went to the doctor today.

Doc: Ok, what seems to the problem?

Wol: Well, 2 weeks ago, I punched a chair and my wrist has been sore ever since. Its gotten better over the weeks. I have full mobility and little pain, but it tenses up when I lift something very heavy.

Doc examines wrist and I show no sign of pain or immobility.

Doc: What do you do?

Wol: I work at a Steel factory.

Doc: Ok, it looks good but let’s X-ray.

Hour later, I get it x-rayed and Doc comes back.

Nurse: Ok, no broken bones. It looks good. We’ve written you a prescription for Vicodin.

Wol: Vicodin?

Nurse: Yes. When you take it, it will make you drowsy and tired.

Wol: Ok.

In summary: If anyone ones some Vicodin, I can hook you up.

I drive a very sensible, very boring 2005 Sedan.

Anytime I pull up next to someone at a stoplight who is driving the same car, I like to entertain myself by giving them a thumbs up and/or fraternal nod, as if by purchasing this sensible car we belong to some type of brotherhood.

Reactions usually range from puzzled to downright uncomfortable, but my favourite was this 45 year old guy who nodded back to me - proudly- while lovingly patting his dashboard.

[quote]PimpBot5000 wrote:
I drive a very sensible, very boring 2005 Sedan.

Anytime I pull up next to someone at a stoplight who is driving the same car, I like to entertain myself by giving them a thumbs up and/or fraternal nod, as if by purchasing this sensible car we belong to some type of brotherhood.

Reactions usually range from puzzled to downright uncomfortable, but my favourite was this 45 year old guy who nodded back to me - proudly- while lovingly patting his dashboard. [/quote]

He probably appreciates irony :slight_smile:

[quote]WolBarret wrote:
Went to the doctor today.

Doc: Ok, what seems to the problem?

Wol: Well, 2 weeks ago, I punched a chair and my wrist has been sore ever since. Its gotten better over the weeks. I have full mobility and little pain, but it tenses up when I lift something very heavy.

Doc examines wrist and I show no sign of pain or immobility.

Doc: What do you do?

Wol: I work at a Steel factory.

Doc: Ok, it looks good but let’s X-ray.

Hour later, I get it x-rayed and Doc comes back.

Nurse: Ok, no broken bones. It looks good. We’ve written you a prescription for Vicodin.

Wol: Vicodin?

Nurse: Yes. When you take it, it will make you drowsy and tired.

Wol: Ok.

In summary: If anyone ones some Vicodin, I can hook you up.
[/quote]

ME please!

saw this quite a while ago but i thought it was hilarious. i dont know about other places, but here in florida the garbage trucks have a sort of mechanical claw on the side which grabs trash cans when the trucks pulls up beside them, pick them up and dumps them out into the top of the truck. anyway i had no idea that these mechanical claws were attached to mechanical arms which could extend out from the truck.

anyway i was out walking one day in my neighborhood and at the time there happened to be a garbage truck making its rounds. it came down the street and as it pulled up to one house, the guy who lived there came outside and stood in the driveway to wait for the truck to move on so he could get the can. so the truck picks up the can, dumps it and apparently the driver saw the guy waiting. so instead of putting the can down and moving on the driver extended the mechanical arm out like a good 10-15 feet and handed the guy his can. you prolly had to be there but i thought that shit was hilarious.