T Nation


My sister, a reformed liberal (recently) who voted for bush this year sent this to me.


Division of the human family into 2 distinct political groups began some
12,000 years ago. Humans existed as members of small bands of nomadic
hunter/gatherers. They lived on deer in the mountains in the summer &
would go to the beach & live on fish & lobster in winter. The 2 most important events in all of history were: the invention of beer & the invention of the wheel. The wheel was invented to get man to the beer.
These were the foundation of modern civilization & together were the
catalyst for the splitting of humanity into 2 distinct subgroups:
& Conservatives.

Once beer was discovered it required grain & that was the beginning of
agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can were invented yet,
so while our ancestors were sitting around waiting for them to be
invented, they just stayed close to the brewery. That’s how villages were formed.

Some men spent their days tracking & killing animals to B-B-Q at night
while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what is known as
“the Conservative movement.”
Other men who were weaker & less skilled at hunting learned to live off
the conservatives by showing up for the nightly B-B-Q’s & doing the sewing,
fetching & grooming. This was the beginning of the Liberal movement.

Along that same thought…the word “vegetarian” actually is an old Indian word meaning…“can’t hunt”…

Some noteworthy liberal achievements include the domestication of cats,
the invention of group therapy & group hugs & the concept of democratic voting
to decide how to divide the meat & beer that conservatives provided.

Over the years conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest, most
powerful land animal on earth, the elephant. Liberals are symbolized by
the jackass.

Modern liberals like imported beer (with lime added), but most prefer
white wine or imported bottled water. They eat raw fish but like their beef well done. Sushi, tofu, & French food are standard liberal fare. Another
interesting revolutionary side note: most of their women have higher
testosterone levels than their men.

Most social workers, personal injury attorneys, journalists, dreamers in
Hollywood & group therapists are liberals. Liberals invented the
designated hitter rule because it wasn’t “fair” to make the pitcher also bat.

Conservatives drink domestic beer. They eat red meat & still provide for
their women. Conservatives are big-game hunters, rodeo cowboys,
lumberjacks, construction workers, medical doctors, police officers,
corporate executives, soldiers, athletes & generally anyone who works
productively outside government. Conservatives who own companies hire
conservatives who want to work for a living.

Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to “govern” the producers &
decide what to do with the production. Liberals believe Europeans are more
enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the liberals remained in
Europe when conservatives were coming to America. They crept in after the
Wild West was tame & created a business of trying to get MORE for nothing.

Here ends today’s lesson in world history.

Vegita ~ Prince of all Sayajins

Funny post

I swear, if I see one more article like this, I’m done with this forum forever. Right-wing zealots are always being so damned holier-than-thou in the persecution of those with interests other than their own. I am completely fed-up with the self-righteous righties that post shit like this, so I am going to say this once AND ONLY ONCE:

If anyone else says anything negative about sushi, I’m out of here!

Gotcha, didn’t I?


liberal has been progressively becoming more and more of a bad word; thanks to people like Moore. hopefully by then next election he’ll just shut up. he’ll do a lot more for his “cause” that way. conservatives are shouting to the top of their lungs that they are not rednecks/bigots/etc. and this is doing the exact same thing, just a little more playfully. Or maybe I just have no sense of humor.

I feel bad for the conservatives because domestic beer doesn’t even compare to imported.

[quote]ArnldNaledUrMom wrote:
I feel bad for the conservatives because domestic beer doesn’t even compare to imported.


“Or maybe I just have no sense of humor.”

You could be onto something! :wink:

It’s just some political satire guys, I acually heard this great one about a liberal in a hot air ballon and a conservative in a rowboat but can’t remember it, laughed my ass off though!

Vegita ~ Prince of all Sayajins

Oh. Dear. God.

We’re turning beer into a partisan issue…

If that is the case, I nominate Everclear for the Libertarian Alcohol Candidacy. Straight to the point, no screwing around, your-life-is-in-your-own-hands PGA!


There?s a great Monty Python song that comes to mind since you mentioned lumberjacks…

“He?s a lumberjack and he?s o.k, he sleeps all night and he works all day. He put?s on women?s clothing and hangs around in bars…I wear a bra and panty, just like my dear papa.”

Great stuff.

About the history lesson…well, that?s about as true as saying that all of the American conservatives live in small towns with under 1,500 citizens. This leads to relatives breeding with each other (has happened already for several generations) and everybody being related to each other. And we all know what kind of kin you get by this, right? You want to use the word retarded or…?

That does it, I’m not screwing your sister agian!


Hey! He started it, not me!!

Anyway, if you’re gonna have the everclear, I’ll take a shot when I get off work. Does that make me an honorary Libertarian? :slight_smile: