The thing with you Sigil is that you always compare yourself to others. And the fact is that there will always be someone much better than you... it's the same with pretty much everybody really. But if you compare yourself with others you will never be happy with your progress. Even if you take PEDs you will be dissatisfied because you will just compare yourself to those who are still in better shape than you.
So you'll use more... you will never come off because when you come off you feel small, weak and soft...
Remember 1-2 years ago you wrote that you got your best physique from layers but then started ti regress and kept trying different things to get it back... remember how bad that felt? Well if you begin to use PEDs you will feel about 5x worse when you go off.... but this time you will know what you need to do to get in back (use drugs again) and that will lead to non-stop use. But at one point your body will be used to it so you will start to use more... see where I'm going with this?
You can't compare yourself with others. If you have a really nice house, with a pool, hot tub you are happy... until you see someone with a house that is twice as big then you feel like nothing. Just because someone has a bigger house doesn't mean that your house is not great. Same thing with a physique, just because someone is bigger and more muscular than you are doesn't mean that your physique is not good.
Listen, I'm 40, I had health issues that made me lose a lot of mass and it took me a long time to regain a decent amount of it back. But I'm still not at the level I was at my best. And you think it's bad for you because there are bigger guys in the gym? Try giving seminars in front on elite coaches from around the world, some with great physiques... how do you think it feels for me? There is a lot of pressure to impress them physically because like it or not that does play a role in my credibility as a speaker. But I don't go out shooting drugs like crazy. I'm happy with where I am right now considering my age, history of injuries and health issues. I stopped comparing myself to others.
And take it from someone who had serious health issues: never do anything that might endanger your health... you never believe that you can get something serious (I know I never expected it) but when you get something you wish to God you would have done things differently.