T Nation

Crying and fears

Another graveyard shift and another discussion topic. I was wondering how often do you people cry? I am asking this because I am almost 27 and I think I did not cry since I was around 12, nor did I feel the need to. I simply cannot imagine what might make me cry, deaths of relatives and moderately strong pain included. The only time I my eyes started watering was when I was watching The tribute to Lionel Hampton concert on TV last summer and I was laughing so hard watching people from the band basically abuse this almost mumified old guy who once was a big name in the jazz world, that me and two of my friends started crying our asses off. ;-)Another related question - what is your biggest fear? I have a moderate fear of heights and that about covers it. Another thing that worries me is a possibility of serious health condition that keeps my mind intact but my body puts in immobilized position, kind of line “The One” song by Metallica. When I was a child and even into early puberty, I was afraid of dark, but that is gone, now I love it.

My greatest fear is in Room 101. Not Room 101!!! NNNOOOOOO!!! ANYTHING BUT ROOM 101!!! :stuck_out_tongue:

I was a Vulcan for many years.(I was good at rage and that was about it, even that I didn’t do well) In college I learned to actually have emotion again. Now I cry when I need to, lately it hasn’t been much at all, last summer I was a frickin’ fountain.

What am I afraid of? Spiders, big time. I don't particularly like bugs at all, but spiders freak me out. Of course, I'm always afraid something will happen to a family member or close friend or my boyfriend. I can't think of anything else.

Oh, Axy, "The One" is based on "Johnny Got His Gun", I can't remember the author. Have you read it? Great, though disturbing, book.

Vulcans are simply brilliant and one of the reasons why I consider Star trek series to be more than just a funny SF flick. You can already guess that Tuvok and Spock are my favorite characters. The only problem I see with being “emotionless” is that nothing bad gets to you but you don’t enjoy anything either. As for the spiders, I am not a big fan of insects, but do not fear them either. Hm, I just made a mistake because spiders are not insects, but let’s ignore that. As for the Johnny Got His Gun, yes, I have read the integral version of the novel several years ago, in English. The writer is Dalton Trumbo and the book got published just prior to WWII. I guess, at the time he did not know USA is going to get involved in yet another great world war and Johnny was not going to be the only young soldier who ended up like that. Back to the original issue, I have a question for you: what triggered the change from a Vulcan to your current, I guess, “normal” emotional state? Thanks for your reply.

Well, the last time I cried was about a month ago, when I sent T-mag a reader mail, basically notifying them about my plans to compete in the Juniors BB comp next month. Thing is, I did not notice my return address, which read Gay Asociation Yu GAY@ptt.yu. One of my friends thought that he would be doing me a favor by informing people (such as T-mag staff and my mom) that Veljko is, in fact, a flaming full-scale fag. So he screwed around on my PC a bit and voila! There I am, laughing my ass off, so hard that I ended up crying. I could just see my letter being a Weird-Ass Letter Of The Month in the next issue. (It wasnt.) My mom did not say anything so far, but a look is worth a thousand words.
I am also afraid of heights, to the point that I cant stand anywhere near the edge with no railing. Also, dogs (not ugly girls, real canine ones). Axy, always an intriguing topic from you.

The last time I cried was I think, last night. I had some more disturbing dreams, this one concerning the death (maybe murder)of my father and other bizzarre events like rescuing someone trapped in a sink hole. I know in my dream, my character (the person who I was in the dream) was crying after learning his father was no longer alive. OK, weird but not at all an unusual human emotional response. The weird part was the appropriatly somber & moody orchestral score music playing perfectly to the scene being played out in my head. THAT is the part which confuses me. To the best of my knowledge it was practially silent in my bedroom with the exception of the cooling cycle of a mini-fridge.

I woke up after that dream with some tears and/or eye moisture around my eyes & nose. I will have to ask my apartmentmate (in the other room) whether or not I had been crying or yelling.

On the topic of fears, I fear dogs because ever since I was about 5 or six I had been bitten by about 2 or 3 friends of the family’s dogs. Then when I was about 12 years old, I was chased on my bicycle by a 3 legged dog. Yes, a tripod chased me and the damn thing nearly got me too.

I know on some level I fear rejection and lonliness. I fear failure because I had failed big-time in the past and I don’t want it to happen again.

My greatest fear is ending up like everyone else; working 20, 30, or 40 years and having nothing to show for it, not accomplishing my dreams, and realizing that I pissed away the best years of my life playing it safe instead of having a good time.

I try to live my life the way I want, and not the way others want me to, or the way society thinks I should.

My second greatest fear is having a kid. I am in no way shape or form the kind of guy who’d make a good parent, and let’s face it, having a kid changes your life forever.

I cry a few times a year. Of course, these past few years have been kind of rough for me, with deaths and illnesses in the family.

I cry when I feel like it. I guess I’m not afraid of what other guys think if they find out. I’m not afraid of anything smaller than I am, even spiders and venomous snakes. The threat they pose is very managable and they are easily killed. I’m not afraid of very many things bigger than I am. I used to worry about sharks a bit when I dove a lot. I’m not big on fear. It rules too many lives. I try to work through fears with logic and enough exposure to deflate the dragon down to the lizard it really is.

Veljko, it is good that you finally came out of the closet. Who is allowed to tell you that you mustn’t walk in the streets holding hands with the guy of your life? Or go to a gay pride parade? Screw them all and live your own life! O:-)

I’ve never posted on these message forums before but I will on this one.

Children have underdeveloped coping/rationalization abilites.

As we age, we are able to rationalize and cope.

And so we don’t cry often. However, major mental or physical trauma can “over ride” our defense mechanisms and we cry (i.e. severe car accident injury or sudden loss of a close loved one).

The last time i cried was when Brians Song came on. Thats a really sad movie. And i also shed a tear when i watched the SportsCentury on Walter Payton. He was my favorite player growing up.

Tyler I feel your pain

what is my biggest fear? 'bout what Tyler said he feared but for me it has already come true. I cant do what I believe my purpose in life is because I cant afford it, I cant afford it because whenever I try to develop some skill that is officialy accepted as part of the matrix, I just fall literaly asleep, and I’m too stupid or unimaginative or too much of a pussy to develop a way to finance my life OUTSIDE of the machine. So now Im just a walking zombie, I still haul my ass down to the Gym and keep pretending that everythings gonna work out, fake it till ya make it , never give up etc, but I think a big part of me has already died inside from the exact same thing Tyler Durden fears.

Tyler my biggest fear is much like your, i cant stand the thought of going through life and not doing what i want. I am 20 years old and think about this quite often, it completely scares the crap out of me.
I really cant remember the last time i cried, it must have been when i was much younger. For some reason i just cant do it, nomatter what the situation. Many times in situations i have wanted to do it, but couldnt. I have had a lot of bad things happen to me in the past so i guess, that it has made me mentally stronger. But like i said sometimes in situations i would like to cry just to see that i still have emotions. Not in public of course.:slight_smile:

Oh yeah. We are here, we are queer, and all that shit. So… whatcha doin later, studmuffin?

My biggest fear? I guess,the same thing as everybody else, you know,the usual stuff, death of family or friends,horrible disease etc. As far the “external” fears fire would be number one. My fears are also the things that could make me cry, I don’t think there is a pain that could make me cry. As for the cry moments again-in the moments of greatest pains (not physical pains) people don’t usually cry- they bleed.

A thread on the testosterone forum about crying?

You “T-Men” are so tough and cool.

On a second thought, this accomplishing_nothing fear you guys mentioned makes sense.

Why did I ‘go Vulcan’ - and come back again? Before the age of 6 I was a typical ADD/hyperactive kid. I looked like a porclain doll, a tiny, tiny child with Shirley Temple curls. Sang and danced on the neighbor’s porch and the whole nine yards. At the age of six my life changed, and like many sexually abused kids I withdrew. It was easier to feel nothing than feel pain.

Over the next 10 years or so I developed the body image issues, eating disorders, lack of trust, and physical withdrawl that are so common to adults who were sexually abused as children.

In college I joined a counseling group and learned, over the course of 4 years, to accept and deal with the pain of my childhood and found out that if you feel the bad stuff, you get to feel the good stuff too.

I started lifting, playing rugby, and doing medieval re-enactmet... I guess somewhere in my head I figured that if I was strong and assertive, I wouldn't ever have to be an abused little kid anymore. Boy was I wrong, I became a physically stong person who got raped anyway. BUT I had already learned to feel, and my counselors refused to let me retreat again. *laugh* If you think I'm an 'in your face' person now, you should have seen me when they used to reduce me to tears on purpose... what does not kill you makes you stronger I guess, and I think I'm doing pretty well now!

So, now I am the outspoken, assertive person who gleefully enteres into 'discussions' both here on the fourm and in life. Sure, the bad feelings hurt, but the good ones are worth more.

*shrug* So that's the story... I hope you're all still awake. *grin*

As for the spiders, well, it has nothing to do with fear of poison... I just hate the damn things. I almost fell into a swamp in New Orleans becuase the spider that the guide was holding took a few fast steps in my direction. You'll have to ask Katie about that story.

Michelle, I did not ask you what made you Vulcan but what triggered the change…
I guess inner strength… nevertheless, a fascinating story. You really had some shitty things happen to you in your life. Well, life has not been an entertainment park for
me either and I was not born with a silver spoon in my mouth, so I always had to fight
for everything, literally everything. Becoming emotionless and numb is one of the coping strategies well recognized by psychology. What is very interesting in this situation
is entropy in life. Why does it always have to throw you a curve ball? If you had a shitty
thing happen to you when you were a kid, why did it have to happen to you again? I am
also like that, sometimes it seems that ratio of good vs. bad things that happen to me
is a bit too much on the bad side. “A bit” too much. I am not talking about things that
happen and I have control over them so I screwed up, I am talking about things like being surrounded by morons at work, getting into impossible situations, having car accidents etc. Some of us seem to attract trouble - I guess the equilibrium is established and somewhere else there is completely happy, satisfied and lucky person. Maybe it is much more interesting this way, I don’t know. :wink: Btw. do you hate just spiders or other crawly
critters too? Is your fear limited to the thin stringy kind with long tiny legs or do
you also hate buffed bodybuilders among spiders like tarantulas? :slight_smile:

My biggest fear is Muscle Jeffs girlfriend