T Nation

CrossFit Satire


The Origins of CrouchShit:


For those who are so far into the CrossFit forest, they can't see the trees of failure around them.


I dont understand why people are still knocking crossfit. It does amazing things to chicks and it gives a reason for people to workout. It may not be for everybody or even anybody, but it's better than sitting around and eating chips and pop tarts. It's just a training methodology. There are worse one's out there, trust me.


Have you actually read the blog?

Perhaps satire is the highest form of flattery.
Or not.

Anyway, read before you post.


This blog is absolutely hilarious.


poptarts ftw


Holy fuck that's funny.


"For those of you who aren't familiar with CrossFit, picture a bunch of men who look like women and a bunch of women who look like men flailing around on chin-up bars and swinging PVC pipe every which way. If this sounds like one of the levels of Hell from Dante's Inferno to you, you're right, but it's also a new fitness phenomenon sweeping across pussified America"

"It's like how as a child you think your parents are the most perfect people on Earth. Then you hit puberty and you realize your Dad's an abusive alcoholic who beats your mom and your mom's living a $90-a-day Oxycontin addiction that she needs just to get out of bed in the morning and send your pathetic self to school every day. The truth hurts, but I'm trying to wake you up to reality so that you can begin to heal."



So good, had me laughing the whole time!

Liked the reference of Glassmann :slight_smile:


LMFAO. That's one of the funniest shit I've read in a while.

Someone should tell this guy to write some guest Atomic Dogs once in a while. HAHA


Under Siege 3: Rhabdomyolysis


Yeah, me too.

Assman is hardly a veiled reference.


Every thing i know and everything i have read says: Everything works...push iron. Bottom line. Crossfit makes sense in a moment of time. t nation has graced us with objective looks at it and been fair. Maybe try it for a while, Dan John did, he said it was ok.

What I hate about crossfit and I think resonates with every Tnationer is this: the monkeys who follow it. I am drawn to their games website like a car crash. Hot chicks, "some" (used loosely) strong guys, and TONS of cult members. I stood in front of a chick at an airport with a shirt on that said "my warm up is your work out". I wanted to walk up and say "ok...your ready...let's test that theory."

Final words where funny as hell: If you're going to play a sport, play one that pays, stack some chips, and retire in style. You're going to be fucked up afterward no matter what you play. Better to be fucked up and rich than fucked up and "elite."


Really funny, but can the writing really be considered satire? I thought it was more of a hilarious metaphor. It does have a few elements of satire.


doing a routine why is coach glassman fat search i found this, too funny:

"As a recruiter for a west coast Crossfit I can tell you that getting a bored housewife, who has just started Crossfit, into bed is like shooting fish in a barrel. The only problem is they get a little to clingy. Once you get them to buy into the CF way it is only a matter of time before they want to explore their new found empowerment. It is easy to convince them that CF is the only real way to train and that other workout regimes are a joke and their husbands don't take fitness seriously if they don't do CF. So husbands, you better do CF with your wife or, chances are she will get seduced by a trainer or staff if she is the least bit attractive."


Let's not get technical, English professor. No matter the nomenclature, it's sofa king funny.


Geeked out there for a bit, definitely hilarious.


The message board on Crossfit is frequently funny too.

One time somebody brought up Jerry Rice and someone else said he was pretty good ( in a fitness sense) but he guessed that his Fran time would probably not be good. I almost punched the guy through my computer.


You know reading Kraj's posts on the forums he frequents i reckon his opinions on T-Nation readers are not far behind his views on crosshit


It's not just the readers, it's the posters.

Over the past 18 months or so, the functional literacy of the new posters makes me fear for our future. Many long time members have left, and the new ones have turned this place into "Bro-Nation".

That doesn't make Kraj any less witty. Hell, if you can't laugh at yourself once in a while, then you really don't have a sense of humor.


Its true a lot of the people that were around when I first started reading the forums, stopped posting. Still visit the site on regular bases though.