I am assuming OP is on his daughter’s birth certificate, right? If not, he likely needs to establish paternity, before having any right to his daughter. For unmarried folks, if the father is not on the birth certificate in most states the mother gets full custody (at least until the father proves paternity). Once that occurs then it is about the same as if the couple had been married.
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Yeah, I defer to you re: hair.
But he should study up and clean up the rest.
I would expect a steroid test since that’s what she’s threatening
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All,
I just want to thank you for your help, guidance and support so far. In reference to a couple of comments above, yes, I am on the birth certificate. Which really is a huge relief, as without being on it, I would be in a much nastier position.
Also, totally understand and can empathise with other comments, one thing i want to stress is, I never grew up with a father, he was absent - useless, I never really learned anything from him at all, never really had a relationship with him, i have tried more over the last couple of years but it will never be what it ‘should’ be for those reasons alone.
I made a promise to myself I would never treat my little girl in the same way, I would teach her that love conquers all and if your heart is pure and clean, you will go the right way.
I am scared, I have been scared since she was born, but without the experience of being able to BE a father, it is hard. Her mum is a great mother, cannot fault her at all, she cares for her, she has a great routine, my daughter is happy. But she’s not giving me an opportunity to be a dad, there is no risk of harm to my daughter, no violence, no nothing. This is strictly personal between myself and her and this is all down to the fact she is bitter and unhappy over how our relationship ended.
That’s what hurts.
I have always been 100% honest with her, and sat down with her to discuss the plan I would be getting involved in and AAS involvement, there was no ‘problem or risk of harm’ to my daughter at that point.
Again, to clarify, this has been happening over a course of months, 4 to be exact. I have seen my daughter in this period, however it is always at her property, or in the park along with my ex, or out shopping etc etc - never on my own. This would only be for a couple of hours and for never more than 2x per week.
The latest radio silence comes from me finding somebody else and trying to move on with my life, since explaining that, I haven’t had any contact in around 3 weeks and we are back to the “steroid” comments again.
Sending much love to you all.
Yeah, you need to bring in your lawyer to bring a clean break to this relationship and tie up all the lose ends. You may need to pay for her lawyer.
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Spoke to my solicitor yesterday.
Was open and upfront with my AAS use - advised that I take it under the watchful eye of a professional in the field. Regular blood tests , regular hormone checks and it is something used to compliment my goals.
Her response “ is it legal?” I advised yes as I thought it was… she then calls me back advising she has spoken to criminal lawyers and it is infact not legal.
also they feel it would be difficult for me to get around the judge that way as technically it is illegal to sell/distribute also so how have I managed to come across them?
I tried the honest approach. She mentioned that if I now go against that in court and deny it, she would not represent me as it would be immoral of her to do so.
I really need to stress there has been no violence - no mood swings and no aggressive behaviour especially not in front of my daughter.
bit by bit slowly but surely this is breaking me and I am struggling to see a way out of this.
Thanks for all your support
What did she say was the implication of this drug use on having access to your daughter?
Not trying to red pill you here, but this Is where you’re at.
Sometimes there is no way out of things. There is only through them.
It’s difficult, but absolutely do-able. Start with “Well, I did choose to use these drugs myself.”, and look at the deliberate steps you took that were required to obtain and use them.
Then remove all of the “but I never…”.
That is complete ownership of your part in this.
It’s not easy. I’ve had to do it with a bunch of stuff that absolutely changed the direction of my life-Drug abuse, drinking, DUIs, violent criminal history, cigarette smoking, even food indulgences all put me in places and affected both how I live and ultimately how I will most likely die.
But if I don’t want to do them again or make things worse I have to own my part. Not stuff I didn’t do, not what I intended to do, What I actually did.
These are the choices that we make that put is in these places.
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That it’s frowned upon obviously as an illegal drug within the court system.
However she didn’t necessarily say it would affect my parenting skills or anything like that.
I completely understand that.
Do you feel that by continuing to be transparent and honest - would this not be an instant dismissal or being given access though that’s my concern.
I don’t know the legalities in your country. I do know that you absolutely must be completely and fully honest with your attorney/solicitor though. Worst mistake you can make is to tell her a half truth/lie, then have her represent you based on that lie. She’ll get pantsed in court and you will be screwed.
I was just addressing this:
I can tell you that in Family Court in Texas, even heroin wouldn’t even be an instant dismissal. The courts want parents and their children together. If it was some hard drug, you would be ordered to take drug and parenting classes, and to be tested regularly. But you would still have access to your daughter. It may be supervised visitation at first (not by your ex, but by a court ordered service). I can’t imagine it would be much different for steroids. You don’t sound like you are from the U.S., so I don’t know how helpful that.is to you.
Seems pretty simple. Take steroids, or see your kid. Shouldn’t be a tough choice.
Or keep taking steroids against your lawyers advice, have it used against you in court, and blame others for not being allowed to see your kid.
Maybe your steroid use won’t be an issue in court, despite your ex bringing it up and your lawyer saying to stop. Do you think it’s worth taking that chance? Do you value steroid usage more than your child? Why is this even a question for you?
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Jesus man, can’t you go to another lawyer and keep the AAS shit to yourself?
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