T Nation

Court Access to See My Daughter

Hi All,

So I have been a member for a little while now. I have posted with my log and updates and really benefitted from the contributions from all of you guys on here. So thank you foremost.

I am currently going through a real stressful situation personally. I have been reluctant to share on here even though I could have used the knowledge but I always figured it could have been resolved.

It turns out it can not.

Me and my ex partner split 4 months ago - we have a 8 month old daughter together - who I absolutely adore, she is my life.

Things are tricky and I am being prevented currently from seeing my daughter - One minute we seem to be getting along better (me attending her property to spend a few hours with her, going on walks etc etc - to then nothing at all - dependant on how the mum feels)

There is no reason for this, there is no history of violence, no history of abuse - nothing along those lines. I pay my money to her every single month and get her whatever she needs.

Right now i am 3 weeks in to complete radio silence, nothing, zilch. I have tried all methods to communicate - even through her parents but i have had no luck. I believe this is now down to me seeing somebody new and my progression in the gym.

I am now forced to follow legal proceedings even though this was worst case scenario for me and i wanted to resolve without.

My partner has threatened with outing my AAS steroid use, even though i signed up with my coach while we were together and we both agreed that I would be using, There was 1 occasion when my daughter was a couple of months old in her cot (along with her mother) that I pinned - just one occasion. She is now citing that as the reason i wont be seeing my child.

I am so hurt by all this, I miss my daughter more than anything, I am also scared that this is going to affect me seeing her at all in the future.

I am a manager at a blue chip company and have 30ish colleagues in my team, i am also responsible for colleague wellbeing and wellbeing contact/champion for the whole division. I am in no means unstable (as my ex has since said)

This is purely down to the fact she is bitter we did not work out and i am moving on with my life, she has slated me via text message for my transformation posts and posting pictures of my daughter - calling me “dad of the year”

I have been running Test-E & for the last few weeks Mast-E at doses of 300/150 for each compound.

I am sorry for the length of this post, it isn’t something i wanted to do at all but I feel I am running out of options and it is now desperate times. Can anyone at all offer any advice. I would be most grateful. Please.

Thanks a lot


You definitely need to contact a lawyer. He’s obligated to confidentiality and can advise you and how to proceed. Make sure you tell him everything single thing you’re doing. He needs the full story.


Lawyer up. And if she can’t prove you partook, then you didn’t.

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  1. Get yourself prepared to take a court-ordered drug test. (First thing a judge will order when there are allegations of drug use.) Maybe shave your hair, even. No clue about the practicalities of this with Mass.

  2. Get your place of abode 100% search warrant ready. (Second thing that will happen is a fake allegation of drug abuse in front of kid, weapons, whatever.) This includes deleting and probably disposing on your old computer and phone. Get new stuff.

  3. Clean the crap out of your social media, including here. Last post on here should be “good bye”

  4. Make sure there are no firearms and ammo in your house, regardless of legality. Again, she will lie and say you leave loaded firearms in your baby’s crib or other such BS. Go get a safe and store at moms.

  5. Go prepay your lawyer $10K in his trust account (or maybe more, don’t know). Your bank accounts are about to get frozen for no legal reason.

  6. THEN have your lawyer start being a dick.


I have contacted a legal rep and next step will be sending out a letter requesting what contact I would like to begin with.

To clarify the relationship breakdown was not a result of the AAS use. This began in September 14th and the relationship breakdown was October.

No firearms around at all - no previous record for any violence. Social media is very much clean and all positive - nothing in the property - AAS all kept within locked med draw

Go through all your posts on this website (e.g., cycle posts) and delete them, if Chris is not able to do that for you.

Yeah, that doesn’t matter.

So to summarise.

Delete all posts - Take it on the chin I am fooked and suck it up?

The only thing fucked is your bank account. Which will recover and this will have all been worth it in the long run. A parent can’t keep another parent from their kids unless they have damn good reason too, from what you’re saying it doesn’t seem she has what would be needed. Obviously your lawyer would be able to clear all this up much better than a forum

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That’s not what I said, remotely.

(Except the delete point.)

Prepare for the worst is what I said.

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Cease your AAS use now. Put your child first. Hopefully if and when you get a court ordered drug test you will be clear.

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It’s imperative that you find a way to spend as much time with your daughter as possible
Since it seems that your daughter will be spending most of her time with your ex partner, there’s a good chance she will paint you in a very negative light. Your daughter, being young, might pick up on this and if she doesn’t have the opportunity to get to know you, will believe her mother

Also, IDK what your situation with your partner was, but I think splitting up was the right decision from your daughter’s perspective if staying together meant constant fighting. My parents relationship has gone to shit and I spent most of middle and high school as an unofficial marriage counselour.

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I’ve worked for Child Protective Services in the past. All of my cases were drug-related. I’ve also worked for Medical Review Officers (the doctors who make the final determination on whether a drug screen is positive or not). DO NOT SHAVE YOUR HEAD. It looks bad. Judges aren’t stupid. Plus they can just take body hair or even fingernails instead. If you are just using AAS, they won’t be tested for anyway. The court will just order a generic 5 or 10 panel drug screen with expanded opiates. No AAS will show up on that. Her attorney may somehow get the judge to order a specific test for AAS, but that is very unlikely.


Lawyering up is a great first step. Do as much by the book and free of emotions as possible particularly if it is via social media, messaging, texts, phone, etc.

But my friend she is keeping you from your daughter and blackmailing you in the process. You are entitled to take the gloves off.

That doesn’t mean go off the handle but ask your lawyer about your legal options for compensation if she is being malicious and causes you damage and how you can let her know of your intentions to explore those options without being seen to be putting her under duress.

If you get the narrative around your drug use right and you have something around her and you go legally and by the book, she may back off but you will need to follow through with a custody arrangement. Too risky otherwise.

Be prepared to need some healing afterwards. Sorry you need to go through this.


Not advice however I’ll never get my head around women who don’t allow fathers access to their kids.

There are only 2 losers and mum isn’t one of them.

The mere thought of never seeing my kids sends a chill up my spine. I hope it works out for you @micky_saddler_93 mate :+1:


This is very powerful

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You got any dirt on her? Any pictures of her lighting up a joint or anything? Don’t use them, unless she is planning on using AAS against you, but having them ready isn’t a terrible idea.

Lawyer attainment is needed (as has been stated).

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I think women withholding children from their father out of spite, or to get back at the father for something that angers the woman is wrong, and I definitely don’t agree with it, but I think sometimes it can be “good.” If the dad’s behaviour and actions are harmful/hurtful to the children, it may be best to keep them from him.

In my life, I’ve seen women whose baby daddies were, say, alcohlics/addicts who engaged in dangerous behavior around their children, and who mostly just brought disappointment and hurt into their kids lives. The kids were better off not having the dad come around once every few months to make some promises that he never fulfilled. Most of the time it just serves to let the dads feel like they did something that could make themselves feel good. One of my cousins said she didn’t like her son’s dad coming around to get the hugs and smiles when he wasn’t there to help her deal with the discipline and tantrums. I think that’s valid. On the other hand, some women keep the kids away because they don’t like that the dad moved on or whatever. Not cool.

Not saying OP is like the former, he sounds like a decent person, I just think sometimes women have valid reasons for doing so.

(And I fully believe that a good father is the best thing that a child can have…so I don’t like the idea of dads not being around or anything.)


If dad is abusive in anyway then sure, I can see why mom may want to restrict access but let’s not kid ourselves here @jshaving mate.

There’s plenty of women who have denied men access to their kids out of spite. It’s a fucked up tactic which causes a lot of pain down the road. I’ve seen it happen to many a guy over the years.

In saying that I also know a few guys who have withheld cash from their kids because of denied access.

The biggest loser is the kid at the end of the day.

OP sounds like a good guy who’s ex missus had jumped on the roid angle to f%^k him over because he has a new flame.

Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned


I agree, plenty of women do act that way. I’m not saying they don’t. I was just referring to this:

Because I think sometimes women have a reason to do so.

Both women and men make bad decisions, and 99.9% of the time I’m pretty sure both parties have played a part in the issue. No one’s perfect.

Agree and agree. (At least as much as I can, without actually knowing the people involved.)

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