T Nation

Convincing Hardworkers to Juice


Hey guys,

So I'm a PT at my local gym who enjoys injecting himself with steroids everyday, all the time.

Now at my gym I see all these guys who work so hard in the gym day in and day out, have perfect nutrition and do everything correctly, but just aren't content, they aren't growing.

It's sad because get this, I DON'T EVEN EAT FOOD!!! I just take steroids, and I grow much faster than they do, I "Get big quick" and "throw a lot of weight around". All with zero calories.

See we all know that when you inject steroids into your body your IQ drops 28.97 points, and you instantly become a walking neanderthal. But! The beauty of it is, you can literally LIVE exclusively off of steroids and get hyooge in the process.

You see recent studies have shown that if you take 10 ml's of testosterone in a glass of water, along with a 5 cc injection into your pinky toe everyday, you will gain 17.6 lbs of muscle a week, no food required.

So I really just need advice on how I can convince all these guys who have their training and diet dialed in that it isn't really necessary at all, just take steroids! It really is that simple. Who needs food and proper training when there is steroids? I mean honestly. . . stupid, hardworking, proper diet guzzling people, I swear they get on my nerves.

I didn't really want to make this personal but, I would also like to list my PT credentials and success stories. Well lets see, I started training my golden retriever last month. At first he could only do 2 laps around the neighborhood but after just 1 month he can now do 5 LAPS!!!! Believe it people...now how did my client (his name is Samson) accomplish this you ask? Daily injections of testosterone into the tip of his tail and 10 mls of test in his water bowl. HE DIDN'T EVEN NEED FOOD! Now if this works for a dog, imagine what I can do for you!

Now on to my credentials, the past few weeks I have taken it upon myself to edit the latest editions of M&F magazine while I am taking a shit, and mail them the correct way back to their headquarters. I recently mailed them my steroid protocol that I outlined earlier, now I haven't heard back from them yet but that obviously just because they are working extra hard on the certificate I'm sure they will be sending me.

So in reality, I know jack shit.

P.S. Give me all your fucking money. Thanks.




Classic! I only have two things to add:

1) Don't cut Samson's hair - he'll lose all his strength and all his muscle will turn to fat.

2)Brace yourself: Darkie will be along shortly....


Thanks for the tips! I appreciate it.

I really will lol if darkie shows up haha




You think I'm joking about this? I spend HOURS writing free articles and leaving them around the gym so people can see what they are missing out on.

I keep finding them in the trash can though, sometimes with skid marks on them :frowning:

Shit. . .


It's not lame at all. Read this thread, and all will become clear:



Sometimes you piss me off, but this one was well played.

Lets be friends.


haha sounds good my man :wink:




I AM MEATHEAD AAARRRGGGHH (guzzel guzzel) picks knuckles off ground. because i haven't eaten anything and i'm so juiced up i cant focus long enough to read all of what you just wrote. you make movie for me?


Makes more sense now, but i still dont find it funny, sorry.


It's not supposed to be funny, sorry.


LOL! very well done.


Oh fuck, that's funny.

I mean please oh ye of exogenous hormonal magnificence I am genuflecting in a most humble manner as I type this and plea for your omnipotent guidance!


Good shit man; I see someone had some free time. lol


So you are begging on bended knee for steroid users to show you the way? Well, why didn't you say so in the first place? Hmm. Obviously a fan of Shakespeare...


And so it shall be...

Well played fine sir.


lol thanks for the translation


I see what you did there