So I'm a PT at my local gym who enjoys injecting himself with steroids everyday, all the time.
Now at my gym I see all these guys who work so hard in the gym day in and day out, have perfect nutrition and do everything correctly, but just aren't content, they aren't growing.
It's sad because get this, I DON'T EVEN EAT FOOD!!! I just take steroids, and I grow much faster than they do, I "Get big quick" and "throw a lot of weight around". All with zero calories.
See we all know that when you inject steroids into your body your IQ drops 28.97 points, and you instantly become a walking neanderthal. But! The beauty of it is, you can literally LIVE exclusively off of steroids and get hyooge in the process.
You see recent studies have shown that if you take 10 ml's of testosterone in a glass of water, along with a 5 cc injection into your pinky toe everyday, you will gain 17.6 lbs of muscle a week, no food required.
So I really just need advice on how I can convince all these guys who have their training and diet dialed in that it isn't really necessary at all, just take steroids! It really is that simple. Who needs food and proper training when there is steroids? I mean honestly. . . stupid, hardworking, proper diet guzzling people, I swear they get on my nerves.
I didn't really want to make this personal but, I would also like to list my PT credentials and success stories. Well lets see, I started training my golden retriever last month. At first he could only do 2 laps around the neighborhood but after just 1 month he can now do 5 LAPS!!!! Believe it people...now how did my client (his name is Samson) accomplish this you ask? Daily injections of testosterone into the tip of his tail and 10 mls of test in his water bowl. HE DIDN'T EVEN NEED FOOD! Now if this works for a dog, imagine what I can do for you!
Now on to my credentials, the past few weeks I have taken it upon myself to edit the latest editions of M&F magazine while I am taking a shit, and mail them the correct way back to their headquarters. I recently mailed them my steroid protocol that I outlined earlier, now I haven't heard back from them yet but that obviously just because they are working extra hard on the certificate I'm sure they will be sending me.
So in reality, I know jack shit.
P.S. Give me all your fucking money. Thanks.