T Nation

Completely Random Break Ups, Just Me?


#1

Hi Guys,

So for probably the 9-10th time I woman that I just started dating for about a month suddenly out of nowhere says they don’t want to see me any more. This time the response was “I think I’m still in love with my ex” but many others have said things like “I just think it’s getting too serious” or just “I had a great time and don’t ever change but I don’t see you as a romantic partner”. Now sure that all sounds familiar right, but this is after we have had tons of great sex, never had a fight, have given each other plenty of space, and just start an exclusive relationship and then WHAM hits out of nowhere like a month into it. So for my background, I’m very handsome, am physically and mentally strong and muscular, 29, own a successful business, and am pretty much on top of the moon happy every day of my life and never complain. Yet I keep getting dumped totally out of nowhere. I’m talking about going from “I love you!” from them to 2 hours later breaking up with me without me saying anything in between. So here’s the question, are other people getting this same sort of thing right now? Is it me or do women just not want exclusive boyfriends any more? I’m happy just banging chicks but I grew up around healthy relationships where you can be a little more vulnerable and it would be cool to have that too. Am I alone in this?

I should add I’m not a big fat pussy or ugly dude or boring person or anything just can’t figure it out.


#2

Why are you saying those three words only one month in?


#3

It usually just happens naturally in that time, they say it to me. And I’m a simple man, I need a pretty girl, whos faithful, laughs at my jokes and is nice. Pretty much it.


#4

Also let me reiterate that only happened with the most recent one. Not my typical MO at all.


#5

Start going to TJ Max, health food stores, thrift shops, etc. Look for the girls that are shopping with their moms, or if they are alone, make sure they are not wearing bling jeans. :wink:

These are the women you want to date if you’re looking for a commitment.


#6

Sounds like you’re conceited and women don’t like that. Do you listen to them, or just talk about yourself? Do you pamper them when they are with you? Women love to be treated as if they are super special to you.

If the women you are dating are leaving after a short time, it tells me that they were attracted to you physically at first but then after a while your true personality,habits, traits, etc came out and they wanted something else.


#7

I went through a few cycles on the dating wheel before I landed the right one, so I understand that it can take awhile and will forgive your “I’m handsome and smart and rich” as a little extra sugar to convince yourself that you’re not a loser. Even handsome and smart and rich people can take awhile to find the right relationship, and even then they don’t always hold onto it. So I am genuinely interested in helping, and please take my questions with that spirit. My first question is:

Where / how are you typically meeting the women?


#8

Think of it like this:

You are browsing T-Nation, and you see a thread where a guy says “hey bro’s I’m totally awesome, so why do I keep getting my ass handed to me by girls?”

Would you think that there was something funny going on, or would you think that perhaps this guy was not as awesome as he thought?


#9

You sound perfect to me. The women will learn to appreciate you, one way or another.

Shine on, you crazy diamond.


#10

They definitely seem completely satisfied by you.


#11

Haha ok hang on a minute, some of these are hilarious but I was more curious about the phenomenon not myself personally. The only reason I threw that line in there is that most advice nowadays tells you to become a better man blah blah blah. I’m a humble person I’m talking to a bunch of dudes so I was just being clear, no woman or man I’d ever meet in the real world would ever take me for arrogant, I act humble about things. My question was that, for you OTHER QUALIFIED MEN, have you also noticed the phenomenon that I believe to be more about social media, and confused women, or am I the only dateable man (don’t kill me here) who is experiencing this odd behavior that none of my older friends and relatives can figure out either.


#12

Could be where you are looking for women. I had a similar issue, girls would stop responding. I started dating friends of friends and had much better luck.


#13

Nope happens regardless. This latest one I met online but the one right before I met through friends. It’s not stopping responding either. I am talking about girls that I have been having lots of great regular sex with, gone on dates with, snuggled on the couch and watched movies, talked and laughed with, just 3…2…1… WHAM! And then after it happening so much I have followed up with people and they’ve said you didn’t do anything don’t change. Just me? or I’m sorry I feel it’s getting to serious. It’s like really? I can’t ask you to date me after 3 weeks of fucking like crazy?


#14

Here’s your issue. If I am not just reading too much into this, you’re ACTING humble. in other words you’re being phony.

Upon first impression that might seem genuine, but if it is indeed just an act, then people pick up on that shit, whether they’re aware of it or not. One cannot “act” humbly without genuinely being humble.

Just because you think you’re “acting” humbly, doesn’t mean that’s how you’re being perceived by anyone else. And you dating timeline suggests the girls, once the initial period of infatuation wears off and they begin to piece together a proper assessment of your personality, consciously or subconsciously, notice that it’s an act.

I mean, look at it this way, I don’t doubt you’re a bad looking dude, but all of the evidence you’ve given us suggests there are flaws with your personality that is being picked up on. Reassess yourself, your goals and what you value in yourself and others.


#15

Nope. Just bang away till the novelty wears off.

Also, what constitutes banging like crazy? Like grocery store parking lot/parents house bathroom/ crossing boundaries that she’d really never do with anybody else- type stuff, or just one big rockstar cock solo where she just lays there until you’re happy with yourself?

Cuz there’s a difference.


#16

Hahaha no we have achieved an orgasm regularly and if there is some marijuana involved we can go for multiples. I feel like everybody is trying to shoot holes in me instead of answering if this is happening to others as well. If the bottom line is “yes it only happens to you” then I need to change. If the answer is, “no dude it happens all the time, bitches be crazy” thats what I’m looking for.


#17

Also, you’re exhibiting confirmation bias. In your own head, you’ve already come to a conclusion and are just looking for us to reaffirm your own belief about yourself.

You said something along the lines of you’re in your mid to late 20s and can’t hold down a gf for more than a few months, right? I wouldn’t call that “date-able”. At least not long term. It tells me (based on the very sparse, selective anecdotal evidence you’ve given us) that you might be a fun dude to mess around with, but aren’t, at the moment, marriage material. Possibly. But what the fuck do I know? I’m just a stranger on the internet.

There’s seemingly a disconnect with how you’re acting around girls you date and your family/friends, as well. Or your family/friends are either enabling your shitty behavior (if it exists - who knows,maybe you just date flaky ass women - we don’t have much to go on) or are unaware of your dating personality (i.e. your personality towards those you date). Again, what the fuck do I know, I’m just some clown. Interesting phenomenon though.


#18

maybe stop looking for confirmation and listen to what everyone is saying … jesus man it’s no wonder these bitches left your ass…


#19

Nope, no difference between the way I act alone or with women. I don’t have shitty behavior. Really? Nobody else is dealing with this? I’m just a shitty person? Even if that were true and it’s not, women date tons of shitty people.


#20

Again, we don’t know you and we can’t (won’t?) just take your word about the kind of person you are. You might be the male version of mother Teresa. But that shit is irrelevant isn’t it. There’s obviously some disconnect between your personality and the girls you date.

Do you tend to date girls with similar personalities/life goals? Do you care if you do lol?