Today is the big day! Hockey and I close on our house at three and start moving in together. Very excited, very nervous.
For those of you who've gone into relationships once families and assets are in the picture, how did you manage money?
*We have an agreement regarding the house that states that in the event of a breakup, the house is divided according to initial investment, then 50/50 on any value above that (we're paying cash, his investment is significantly higher). In the event of a death the house goes to fully the survivor.
*We're still working through what to do day-to-day, but it looks like we're leaning toward a joint account and paychecks going there. In the event of a breakup we divide any savings and simply stop auto-depositing there. Once we finish renovations on the house there should be significant accrual of savings. Those will divide evenly. We've gotten a joint credit card for our shared expenses (household, dining out, etc) and then I'm leaning toward keeping my separate one because I like to track my discretionary spending. We both maintain zero balances on credit cards, so there will presumably be no accrual of high-interest debt.
He earns approximately double what I do, so it's unbalanced in my favor. He also has approximately double what I have in long term savings, though we are both in very good shape for our ages in that regard. He's offered that if I want to I can maintain a separate savings account and auto-deposit some portion of my pay there. I may - I have kids in school and still do a lot of rescuing. He's also suggested that I max out my 401K, since we'll be living very cheaply.
Any advice? The "pre-nup" regarding the house was initiated by me. I don't want to worry about him worrying about my motives. I've read so much misery on here about relationships and money - what do normal people do when they combine households?
Also, all of a sudden he's making mild "ol' ball and chain" jokes. Yesterday morning I said something like "omg, it's tomorrow!" and he was like "yup! losing my freedom tomorrow!" So I noted that I'm losing MY freedom, too, and he said something to the effect of that I wanted to. But it was his idea! As is all the money stuff - I would have been content to keep everything even-steven. Why are men so weird? Is it some sort of Man Code that they get captured reluctantly?
Lastly, so far most of his stuff is headed for either a kid apartment or the basement. Do you think he's really upset about that? My furniture is a lot nicer looking, and probably better quality. Definitely less brown. We're going to use his very nice TVs, though. And his awesome grill and good cookware. I think he's joking when he makes that hang-dog face and says he guesses the tree trunk tables that he made one million years ago will live in the basement. With his brown futon. And his brown chair. And the coffee table made out of some sort of warehouse equipment thing. :-/ So far I've just been sort of looking off into the distance and then changing the subject when this stuff comes up. Should I DO something? If so, what?
I'm dreading the day we have to discuss the lamp he made that looks like a creepy man with teeth. And I believe there may be a giant set of moose antlers to contend with. Luckily we're moving me first. He'll go fully in next month. Probably by then nothing else will fit.
So, any advice from those of you who've been here?