asd,
I have some more very important suggestions.
- Beg for food and cash from the campus beggar.
- Be cool six days out of the week. On every Tuesday, call the police on every person on your floor.
- Make frequent references to the yellow brick road.
- Introduce yourself as Juan Valdez. Try bringing an ass to class. If denied access, call PETA (People For the Ethical Treatment of Animals).
- Wear a blue cape.
- Force yourself on the heating pipes in your dorm room.
- When confronted by an angry person, open your mouth 3/4 of the way, drop your eyelids 3-4 inches, and, without moving your lips, sing the russian national anthem.
- Every Thursday night, trick or treat in your dorm. Dress as Cher.
- Tell everyone you come from the Dust Bowl.
- Turn down every social invitation with the sentence, “Hey, sorry, I have to go run through the sprinkler.”
- Buy your friends a subscription to Tactical Knives.
- Swim on your carpet.
- Sit backwards in class.
Hope these suggestions make your freshman year a success.
