As I journey on my path of wholeness, I easily get caught up in what I’m not doing. Or things that are “outside” of me, like making sure I stretch, I read that book, or make a journal entry. Only lately have I begun to actually “See” myself. That I’m not just a project to be completed and improved. That self respect is a product of loving all of me, not just the parts that can be outwardly changed. True acceptance is terrifying. What if I love myself, I’ll turn into a lazy bum? All that hippy dippy love crap isn’t fuel. I believe this is because people, (myself included), believe acceptance/love is the same as being passive. Accepting is being a pushover. Love is allowing what is, not what can be. It makes us question what REALLY drives us.
This article got me thinking, and remembering. I’ve been in a similar situation, except I chose to have a 4 year relationship with this person because I agreed with him. I spent 4 long years trying to prove that I was worthy, of love, passion, desire, and many other less tangible things. Turns out I was trying to convince the wrong person.
So deep breath. Here’s to the scars, the wrinkles, stretch marks, and the lumps n’ bumps. Here’s to training because we enjoy the feeling of having a body that’s well used. Here’s to improvement because every day I want to be in awe of myself and achieve what I felt was impossible. Every day I want to fly.