T Nation

Checking into Drug Rehab Tommorow


#1

When does the wicked outweigh well being? I've had wild battles with myself trying to find an answer. I have nothing to offer as closure to the question to this day. What could possibly point a person in the direction of suicide games? That, my friends, I have found an answer. It seems my heavy use of XTC and Cocaine has given me a fearless mindset. Fearless doesn't describe it quite right, let's say I've become reckless recently.

So with the last clear thought I've had in a good while I have decided to seek rehab for my possible addiction. I say possible addiction because I am not an addict. I know that step 1 is admitting the problem, but this is a preventing measure I am aiming for. I had a nightmare of a future riddled with the street life, which my parents fought so hard to get my brothers and I away from. I will not become that!

I do not feel that drug use is a bad thing I actually support it. My deal is my heavy use and frequency. I hope to reconstruct my impulsive nature so I cab self medicate with better efficiency. I was brought into drugs years ago when I was a little rave kid, never getting the beginning stages or "1 hits" I was locked in with the "heavyweights".To be honest I have found most academic success while influenced by xtc. My goal, is to learn better control of drug use, not terminating it.

Anyway, I'm going to check in in the morning. More than likely I will not have internet acess which will cut contact with you mofos. My phone will be disconnected as well. Planning to stay until Fall semester starts in September. So good luck with training and your lives until then.

Consider this an attempt at recapturing my innocence

Your Eternal
Count Rockula


#2

Are you sure rehab is ideal for what you want? Typically, you don't go to rehab to "learn better control of your drug use." You go there to kick the habit.


#3

I'm sure this is what's best. Even if I'm not going to kick the habit, the therapy available can help with my impulse issues. I can't see outpatient visits being enough to actually help.

That's the point of such a short stay in the institution.


#4

Good luck. After having been dependent on substances for a long time, I'm always optimistic when I see someone seek help.


#5

Do what it is that you have to do Rock and stick with it, please.

I've had too many people in my life, friends and family, let this shit control their lives for too long. You're an intelliigent young man, with a lot going for him, so i'd hate to see it go to waste.

I had my experiences with drugs (especially meth), but I didn't like what it was turning me into, so I stopped.

Also, addicts don't know what "moderation" is.


#6

Good Luck Rock, stay tough man.


#7

Good luck man. Just fucking do it!

Wish you the best,

Conor


#8

from someone thats been there, remember that you are in control not the substance. good luck man.


#9

Good luck, but I think you need to change your attitude.


#10

Correct, because your about to make a mockery of something some people need to STOP using.

Stop trying to put some pseudo-intellectual spin on this man. I hope you get your habits under control, but I don't agree with your approach.


#11

As someone who has been sober for two years and follows a 12-step program, I understand where you are at. I used to drink heavily, use a lot of drugs (look at the forum "worst hangover stories") and it took a long time to finally decide to get sober. If you read the posts I put on "Worst Hangovers", it may seem like I treat those episodes with some humor, but that is only because I can look back and take them for what they really were, which were pathetic, sad cases of absolute lunacy and addiction.

You need to understand a few things if you want to make it in sobriety. First of all, you may think you are not an addict, but you are. People are born addicts or alcoholics, whether they've ever had a drink or taken a drug ever. The potential to become a practicing alcoholic/addict is always there in certain people. If you are at the point in your life where you feel you need to go to rehab as a preventive measure, you are probably just fooling yourself. I don't know you personally or anything like that, but if you think you can ever "efficiently self-medicate", you are crazy. Taking drugs as a form of self-medication, regardless of how "efficient", is classic addict behavior. In other words, you feel you NEED the drugs to fix things about your psyche, body, whatever.

I'm not trying to come across like some sort of asshole, but you are clearly not thinking well at this point. If you use drugs heavily, you are most likely an addict, unless you can stop RIGHT NOW without using anymore drugs and be perfectly fine with it. Or if you can use just a tiny amount and then abruptly stop and be fine with it. But who am I trying to kid here? Cocaine and XTC are pretty much all or nothing drugs. You're either fucked up or you're sober when it comes to those drugs. I should know; I used to snort exotic little mixtures of coke, speed, XTC and oxycontin. But if you need to self-medicate, you will not be fine with abruptly stopping. You need to be honest with yourself and truly ask yourself if you really believe you can use drugs in "moderation", whatever the hell that means. I used to snort and freebase a lot of cocaine and I can tell you one thing: I did so in large quantities because I had no concept of moderation. The same is most likely true of you as well. And before I forget, you may think you have enjoyed academic success, but trust me, there is virtually nothing of substance that people can do better while drunk or stoned than they can when they're sober, especially thinking or learning.

I wish you luck, but I hate to break it to you: if you had any ability to "reconstruct" your "impulsive nature", you wouldn't even have started this forum. I've been around a lot of addicts and alcoholics, both recovering and practicing. They all have gone through the same thought process you are currently going through, but the sober ones realized the folly of their thinking and were finally broken down enough to seek help and guidance from other people. I suggest you do the same. Some people may be tough on you and you may not like it, but the ones who are sober and speak to you frankly like I am right now are the ones who will help you with your disease, addiction, impulsive nature or whatever else you want to call it.


#12

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#13

By the way, they will kick your ass out of there so fast if you think you're going to stay there with no intention of getting sober. The other people in there will be there with every intention of getting 100% sober, even if they end up unsuccessful at it. You will be making a mockery of yourself, disrespecting them severely and probably end up pissing off everybody there if you go there with your current attitude. Those people probably wish they could use drugs in moderation, but are there because they know that they can't.

You won't be fooling anyone but yourself in rehab if you think you can use their therapy to learn better drug use technique. The therapy, counseling and help you get at rehab is in no way designed to help you use drugs in moderation. It is there to help you learn how to live life without drugs or alcohol and also to help you learn WHY you cannot successfully use in moderation.

At this point, you don't know shit. And I mean that in the best way possible. Your own way of thinking has brought you to the point where you are using drugs heavily and frequently to the point where somewhere in the back of your head you know you cannot go on this way, yet you have convinced yourself that you can use drugs moderately (something you haven't been able to do so far apparently). Your own thinking is about to send you to rehab to essentially learn how to use drugs in a better, safer way. Think about that for a little while. When you're done thinking about how asinine of a line of thought that is, admit to yourself and a recovering addict/alcoholic that you need help and take the suggestions of other recovering addicts because your own thinking hasn't brought you to a great place right now. If you want to change your thinking, change by allowing yourself to take directions and advice and seek guidance from others.


#14

Wow and all you crackheads busted on me for doing weed huh? Atleast i wasnt snorting coke or doing E.


#15

ya this is completely retarded.

going to rehab to learn to control your drug use = retarded thinking of the month.

they are probably going to kick you out of there.


#16

"I think that if you are a true addict, then the drug controls you and rehab is the only option. However if you are 'just' an impulsive user, then you need to find a higher purpose/goal in life and/or try to know your triggers and avoid them. Either isolate yourself from those circumstances where you are driven to use, or move to a new place, to make it harder to just pick up the phone and score whenever you feel like it."

Do not take BushidoBadBoy's advice at all. You cannot isolate yourself from what it is about yourself that leads you to use drugs and you certainly cannot isolate yourself from drugs in general because you will always come into contact with them in one way or another at some point somewhere. Isolating yourself is a horrible option because it fails to address anything about yourself. The problem is with YOU, not your surroundings, your environment, your friends or anything else. You can change all of these things, you can even move halfway around the world, but you will only be taking your problems with you. This is what's known in 12-step programs as a "geographical". I've seen tons of addicts and alcoholics who simply think they'll fix everything by moving somewhere else and starting all over, but they simply end up picking up right where they left off.

As far as triggers go, those are just excuses. You need to work on eliminating the concept of a trigger in your life, otherwise when you want to use drugs, you will always be able to find some "trigger" that will let you justify in your head why it's okay to use drugs. One day the trigger might be your cat died, the next day it'll be because the sun came up.

I don't want to sound grandiose or sound like a know-it-all or some pompous asshole, but I would not take the advice of people on this forum who are not recovering addicts and alcoholics. Only someone in recovery has been where you have been (and in many cases in even worse situations and places) and has accomplished what it is you need to try to accomplish. I'll say it again, if you think you can use drugs moderately, you would just do it, you wouldn't need rehab.


#17

Please, whatever you do, don't listen to this guy. Just reread what artw said and stick to that.


#18

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#19

That's not why people busted on you. People busted on you for being a moron.


#20

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