T Nation

Chaos' Accountability Thread (Found True Love)

I honestly dont know why I’m going to post this. But I feel good, and a lot of people reached out and helped me when I was going through a rough time a few months ago. And honestly this isnt stuff I like to talk about with my friends. I figured I’d provide an update. So here we go.

I’ve already posted everything there was to say about my situation. My fiance of 8 years had left me earlier this year, and I was a distaster. It took a couple of days for me to realize I was infinitely more concerned about my living situation though, which told me a lot about who I was/had become, and how dead that relationship had gotten. I was incredibly scared to be 100% solo. Yes I was upset about the breakup, but the uncertainty was what really fucked me up, and I mistook that as failed love and made some really rash and out of character decisions, including posting about it anywhere I was even remotely anonymous.

Well, update, that maybe will help some other confused person some point down the line. And honestly, this will be my most rash and out of character decision yet… but… “when you know, you know”

I’ll speed past the boring shit, long story short, I met a girl on Bumble. I’ve never been good at dating. All of my relationships either fell into my lap, or generally required little to no effort and worked out for the most part. But I realized at 28, that just wasnt going to happen anymore. So the first girl I pursue, turns out she lives half a mile from my house, she had just gotten out of a bad 10 year marriage. So we spend the first night talking. We were both a complete open book, and just poured everything from our last year on the table.

The second night we go on a date. Had a fucking blast. I literally havent had so much fun in my life. We hit it off on every single subject. From social anxiety, to weight loss journeys, to music, to video games, to fucked up childhoods, just the whole 9 yards.

The third night, we drive around town from 6pm to 7am the next morning, just talking. All fucking night. No awkward silences, no uncomfortable subjects, just enjoying each others company. Which is an insane twist for me. I have a super limited social stamina. I cant talk with anyone for more than a few hours before I need to decompress. friends, coworkers, relationships, doesnt matter. I’ve always needed lots of solitude. But that wasnt the case this night. I’ll literally never forget this night no matter what happens in my future. This had a huge impact on my character.

The fourth night she stays over. And then never leaves.

Fast foward.

Were leasing a house together, moving in next week.

This is bar none, the most ludicrous decision I’ve made and followed through with. But ive never been more confident about anything in my life. I’ve never been so in love in my entire life. I’ve never felt the feeling was mutual so much in my entire life.

I was so fucking worried about dating. It’s always been a weak point for me, simply due to my social weirdness. I expected to stay single for years. To get my shit together, and for factors out of my control. But there she is, in a truly cosmically random maelstrom of events, I’ve found someone that I loved more in the first 3 weeks than I’ve ever felt in my entire life. Including high school emotionally fueled relationships.

Things are fucking amazing again. And I wanted to thank the people on this forum for reaching out originally, and provide the other end of my obnoxious cry for help, that things do get better, even if it requires breaking out of your comfort zone, and making decisions that I would have ripped my friends for making.

My garage is doubling in size, I’m getting back into gaining instead of maintaining in my gym schedule, and in a few weeks I’ll be active on here again. 2021 will be one hell of a year. 600 dead, 550 squat, 425 bench, here i fucking come.


Also this just came out as straight word vomit, and isnt nearly as organized as I planned. I dont even care about replies, but I didnt want to leave that thread on such a morose note.

2020 was fucking wild.

“Life sure is complicated”

I thought you were buying the house you live in?

Me too :upside_down_face:

Things didnt work out unfortunately. However, the house I was going to buy still required 20k+ in labor to fix, so I’m not terribly upset about leasing for a bit longer, where someone else has to deal with all of that. After Florence, I’ve had my fill of house repairs/rebuilds for about a solid decade.

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Congrats on the new relationship.

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We are your friends.

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I appreciate that. I tend to be the group therapist in my circle, and I dont like to drop my shit on those guys, they have enough of their own shit to deal with, so its nice to go somewhere and just diary out my significant life changes.

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Congratulations! Whether it works out long term or not, this will change you in ways it’s obvious you needed to change. The idea that another person can be exciting and delightful rather than just sort of there, not making waves, is huge.

So enjoy and don’t worry about the quality of the decision (“ludicrous”). You have nothing to lose, really, do you? And you have the potential to win big.

A funny thing that happened when my husband and I first started dating is that TWICE we went to see his family, three hours away, and ran out of gas on the way home. Both times in the middle of nowhere (which is where we live). His car does one light “ding” when you’re low, then pretty much nothing, and we were so busy talking that no one noticed. So twice we had to stand in the nowhere waiting for AAA to bring us 5 gallons of gas, which both times took about an hour.

Sometimes it’s just really good. We’ll hit 7 years on the 7th (dating anniversary) and he’s still the best friend I’ve ever had, plus being sexy. We’ll also hit 6 years since we closed on the house we bought together on the 5th, two days before our first dating anniversary. No regrets here.

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For sure, I know it appears like a rash decision, but it’s definitely one of those “when you know; you know” moments. Which is the first time that has ever really happened for me. I’m not remotely scared, just aware that its fast.

I was just happy to share a positive update, after my fucking borderline midlife crises at 28 those months ago.

And that sounds perfect lol, those times can either be a complete nightmare with someone who cant handle the inconvenience/stress, or an amazing excuse to sit back and take it all in for a minute. And that’s great, best of luck to the both of you!

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