T Nation

Can't Stand It Anymore


@KSman i’m afraid… all the sudden i’m scared of slowly death… ugly one… with loosing teeth, kidneys, etc… help me


Well, you do whatever you think you need to do. Personally, I think this “abs thing” you talk about, is only the fact that your upper body is so emaciated that it gives the illusion that your “abs region” sticks out. It’s really because you are so thin that your body actually bends due to the lack of muscle that most people have to keep them upright. You’re in a tough spot because you can’t see that the way out of this crazy cycle you’re in, is to gain muscle. To gain muscle you need to eat healthy protein, fat and carbs.
Your eyes see a slightly protruding stomach so your mind is telling you that you need to cut back on food.
Your reality is to eat like never before (healthy) and slow your cardio down completely. Lift heavy weights! Eat Eat Eat!!


Go re-read every post made to you and then read your responses. There is a TON of great information given to you. You have an excuse for almost every person about what you see and what you think you should do instead. Look at where it’s gotten you.
When you keep trying to do it your way, based off of what you think and what you see in yourself, despite that what other very knowledgeable people are telling you is different than what you believe. Sometimes when the common denominator in your problems is you, it’s time to start trusting what people in here are saying. You need to find a new trainer. Maybe even a new gym. You need someone who is not only certified in training but also certified in nutrition.
Because those feelings of a slow death with organ failure and losing teeth…it’s in your future if you don’t make drastic changes. You need to uproot every person and every thought that you’ve been using. You need a brand new support system and an open mind to new things and lifestyle changes. Your body is starving for nutrients, protein, fats, carbs & vitamins. Eat. Look for a certified trainer & nutritionist either at a gym or through a government resource program if you don’t have money. Listen…absorb their info and knowledge and start implementing it into your life on your own when they aren’t around to guide you. Get smart. Learn! You can do this…it’s not rocket science. You just need to see results so you’ll start to believe in it. Good luck!


This is so difficult for you…

You may have some mineral, amino acid and vitamin deficiencies on top of your calorie deficiencies. You need nutritionally rich foods. My mind goes to eggs as they have everything required to start and feed a new life.

You may have EFA deficiencies and that fish oil would really help.
Nuts have EFA’s, fats and calories.

Could you manage tiny oil base gel capsules of 5,000iu Vit-D3? Yes, I did say 5,000.

With so little food, your salt intake is low. So even if you use iodized salt you are iodine deficient.

With starvation diets reverse T3 increases and it blocks fT3. fT3 is the only active hormone and it regulates your metabolism and oral body temperature. This increase in rT3 serves to slow ones body down during starvation to increase suitability that obviously has its root in Darwinian principles and survival of the slowest by conserving calories.

Given above I suspect that your oral body temperatures are lower. Should be 97.7 when you get out of bed and mid-afternoon you should get to 98.6F 37C. And this is also part of adrenal fatigue syndrome and we can expect AM Cortisol lab work to be low as well.

Low body fat and [suspected] low cholesterol undermines your whole steroid hormone cascade that also includes Vit-D from sun light exposure and adrenal hormones such as DHEA and Cortisol etc. Otherwise your hormones can be very disturbed and I would not be surprise at all if your periods are stopped or very irregular. You need those hormones to feel right and have vitality. Your brain needs hormones to work right.

From studies of outcomes in Holland it was found that daughters and grand daughters of women who were starving near death during WW-II had problems. Exactly what does not matter. There are epi-genetic changes that happen, changes in gene expression, believed to be changes in methalization that expose/hide genes that are trans-generational. So with recovery, you can expect some lingering effects.

If you let this process proceed, there will be irreversible losses of connective tissue and/or muscle structure. I will not describe details that I have seen written about.

I am sorry if my concern appears morbid while I am been analytical.

Do you have any weaknesses such as chocolate?

If you take a specific nutrient you might feel unwell as you enable some processes in your body, other weak links become apparent. You need to work through these types of things trying to get your metabolism going again.

So you have metabolic issues that people who eat well struggle with. So this is even more of a challenge for you. Your energy levels are greatly determined by steroid hormones, cortisol and thyroid function, the tripod of vitality. You need to work on all three. And Vit-D3 is easy as it is essential for proper gene expression.

Lack of proteins and hormones is catabolic, and collagen, connective tissue are eroded.

You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make it drink. The sales person’s job is to make the horse thirsty. I am too clinical, but that is all that this old engineer has to offer. You need to start working on getting thirsty for health and start taking baby steps on that road.

Do you have any lab work that you can post for me. But that will not do any good if you can’t change and the bottom line is food and keeping it down.

No one can feel motivated in your state. So it is a trap you need to break out of. You have support? Living alone?

Please come here and we will cook for you. A nice wish in any case.


I eat a lot of eggs.
I take multivitamins for pregnant, so I’m not sure if I should add extra D3.
Yes, you’re right. I have ammenhorea for more then one year for now.
About chocolate - no I don’t have this weakness. I don’t eat sugar for 3 years and don’t have any desire to start eat sweets again. I don’t miss any product in my diet, really. I’m not anorexic in traditional way. I have never induce vomiting or use laxative, etc. I only cut. Really, i get competitive with all restrictions and feeling that I can make it made me proud of myself. I also have image in my head how my body should look like and I want it that hard.
My last trainer told me that I’m surprisingly have a lot of stamina. He was the one who cancelled my salt intake. And I don’t see why I should put it back. Another one cut my dairy products intake and after that I read tons of articles, medical and professional, where found explanations why dairy products are bad for us. So how should I eat it now when I know that they will bring me more negative effects then useful nutrients?
But despite that, when I cut off my cottage cheese intake (year and half ago) - start to loose my hair. month later - loose period. and it still going one. But also back then I had a lot of stress, was hardly abounded, hadn’t enough sleep and was in different time zone (different country).
Sorry for such a long letter. I’m just happy you’re here with your expertise.
I can translate some of my lab work for you. It’s not fresh though…
Cortisol - 22,7 ug/dL (normal range mentioned as from 5-25)
potassium- 4.23 (3,5 - 5,3)
natrium - 143,5 (135 - 148)
november 2017, hormones results:
FSH - 3,33 miu/ml
LG - 0. 197 miu/ml
Prolactin - 10,5 ng/ml
E2 - 26,4 pg/ml
Do I need to add charts with normal ranges for each hormones? BTW with these results I worked with few gynecologists and nobody advised me anything useful or some medications. We used Divigel and then made 5 shots of some hormones(don’t remember exactly). No results :slight_smile:
Last one sent me acupuncture(with needles, torture. i cried every time). And after 10 sessions my guru told me:"Well, if you still feel the same then your illness is incurable.
testosteron total - <0,69 nmol/L
progesteron - 0.297 ng/ml
HbA1 (yep, another trainer adore this one to correct carb intake) - 4, 75 % (range 4.0 - 6.0)

If you would like to see more numbers please tell me which one blood tests should I make for you to see the full picture and give coordinations. I promise sincerely I will follow it. Really.

I’m not living alone. I live with my family,do a lot of home work for them, cook for them and taking care of them. But I don’t have support.
Well, xo xo, I will easily come whenever you are proposing to come so be careful with what you say - it can’t be unheard :wink:


You have E2=26.4 pg/ml which is a low level for males. Good for males. E2 this low for you indicates that your hormone systems are not working normally.

You must check those oral body temperatures.

I have seen many people harmed by doctors telling them to stop using salt which then created thyroid problems from insufficient iodine. Salt is not harmful and the fad to reduce salt is simply wrong. Salt does not cause high blood pressure. But when there is arterial disease and high blood pressure, reducing salt does reduce blood volume and that can reduce blood pressure. But doing that does not restore circulation at all. Then from this people think that because less salt reduces blood pressure when blood pressure is high, that salt caused the problem, that is wrong. Less salt is simply compensation for a different problem. Now medical communities and social media are mislead and spreading bad advice. So not we have people with arterial and heart disease with reduced circulation who are becoming hypothyroid from bad advice.

So your trainer told you to eliminate salt. Ask him what he was intending for your iodine intake? That advice is probably damaging.

If your hair was falling out, there were many systems in your body that were also falling apart.

Cortisol is good if labs were done at 8AM or 1 hour after waking up. If labs were done in the afternoon, your cortisol could be high.

Evaluation of women’s hormones is complex. Need to know if cycling normally and then what day of cycle the labs were done. The timing can be wrong.

When you eliminate dairy you eliminate a good source of Vit-D. Now that amount of Vit-D was not very large. But if you do not take Vit-D3 supplement or get good sunshine on your skin all year, you are deficient and the Vit-D3 that you could be getting from dairy is not also gone. I suggested what you should be considering.

The root of your un-health is your body image fixation and if you are going to change and survive, this body image value will need to be altered.

This link lists some problems created by Vit-D3 deficiency. Note that weakness, low energy, depression and hair loss is listed.

Bone loss: With low hormones and low Vit-D3 you bones may be getting weak. Are you able to get a bone density scan? If the results were low, would you make changes? If you can’t change the diagnosis has no value.


I will do everything you tell me as long as you kindly agree to mentor me trough it.
When you say bone density scan - is it something like MRT? I will try to find one in my city

about hormones tests - i don’t have cycle for over the year now, so it doesnt matter in which phase i take tests.
cortisol was measuremenets after 1 hour after waking up.
no, i haven’t used D3 supplements
Only now I’ve started to take multivitamins Elevit…


Your challenge is to over come your aversion eating sufficient food and overcoming your body image values that are driving all of this.

I have to figure out how to follow this thread as I don’t normally hang out in this forum. My email notifications are a flood that I cannot keep up with.


what are mg options if manual therapist said i couldn’t lift weights or do yoga woth my spine. only swim. and i can’t accept it. i don’t want to believe in it.
please tell me i still can workout at the gym and that doctor is just old school…


Wtf do what your dr says. I’m 5.3 and 127 and dr told me I had too little body fat. I got submerged and guess what I started doing…I’m adding the magical cure for anorexia…CALORIES…you seriously need to see a psychiatrist because you’re still killing yourself. I’ve gained 43 lbs from my worst, but I wasn’t allowed to exercise until I was over 100.


You’ve been posting about this for how long? You aren’t having your period. Wake up call, your body is saying help, feed me. Haha, that was so delusional that you don’t have anorexia. Look up anorexia. I’ve ignored your posts for a few awhile until today cuz I’m upset that I have gained an ass ton of muscle but not enough fat as of Friday. So I’ve had cleaning the house workouts while drinking lots and lots of calories. I WANT to be healthy! I’ve accepted I’ve got to gain so that is what I’ll do. Yesterday was Italian day…oh, my so many calories …and today is Hispanic day oh so many calories.


Lol not alcohol…smoothies :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:


i really don’t want to it. I’m not afraid of calories. I just don’t want to eat things that I don’t want. Why is that make you so angry? If it’s hard for you to eat clean and feel full, and you happy you can finally eat with doctors permissions - then yes, you have a problem. I’m not missing for any restricted product and don’t desire to eat some pasta or etc.
So how could it help me?
Or I should became a good for foies gra? You know, the ones who have been specially fattened against their will and schedule. Force feeding is more damaged for mentally health then anything else, don’t you think?
I ask real questions now
I have problems with spine. Low back specifically. We don’t have swimming pools here so i still will go to gym. And asking maybe anyone have similar issues and knows how to deal with it.


Hun, seriously see a psychiatrist. You are in a delusional world. Save your life.




Girl, you know better; that’s why you’re on this forum asking for advice. You did’t initially get to this point without trying; it didnt go how you wanted it to… so- Rewire your brain & your thought processes. You know theres a problem, so start worrying about fixing it. It’s your life, love yourself. It’s not easy, but you CAN do it. Set one goal & be passionate about it. A suggestion if I may: Figure out how many calories someone at your age/ height/ weight/ situation should consume each day. DO that. Tell any insecurities to go fuck off and do what you have to do to achieve this one goal. Start listening to motivational speeches on YouTube, it might help you cope with yourself; it’s making a huge difference for me. I was in a dark place for a long time with different types of demons. It took me sitting in the dark staring down the barrel my 9mm to wake the fuck up. I had to change my thought processes- regardless of my circumstances at the time, my way of thinking & dealing with my situation became extremely toxic to my health- my hair fell out too (I have pics if you dont believe me)… Theres a way out, but you’re the one who has to do it. Dont make any excuses for why you cant because as much as I risk sounding like an insensitive jerk saying it- no one cares about your reasons or excuses for why you cant do or fail ar something. You are only hurting yourself, dont do that. You know all this already… Reaching out is a huge start, there is a wealth of knowledge on here, so- one problem is solved. Boom, next- reflect inward and heal yourself. I mean, if you’re worried about getting fat???
you already know how to cut weight (that was a joke). Stop making excuses. Rewrite your story. Set that goal-
Xxxx calories a day to start. You got this. Own it. We care :slight_smile: best of luck.


You are amazing
Thank you!