T Nation

Can't Believe This...


Yesterday, when I was picking something to wear for a dance, I noticed that actually nothing fits me. So of course I started yawning, cursing everything, etc.
and then my father gave me one of those speeches. He said that lifting weights is stupid, that I will become too big (hell, I'm only 6'2, 210 lbs, and I strive to have ~230lbs, not more)...

I didn't know what to think. My father is quite a big guy, so I don't know why the fuck is he always saying that. I constantly listen to shit like you are just bodybuilding, you have no stamina, you are not really fit because you don't run... I'm getting sick of it. even though I don't run constantly (I do hill sprints, but no light cardio) I'm probably in better shape then most of the guys I know.

I read about D. Tate saying that you should avoid those kind of people, but HOW can I avoid my father?! And even my mum is sort of mad, because I lift weights, like being skinny, with no ass or legs has now become something you have to be look like, to be in and to look good.

I don't want to look a like a metrosexual who can fit into any pants.
I have quite wide hips, big ass (genetics + compound lifts), and mum is always making fun of me, and my ass.
I've jusr read one of Shugarts blogs, about Butts shrinking...

And it's true, I don't know anyone around me (I hope this won't sound gay) who has any ass. All just skinny or big asses. I stand out, and now even I don't know if this is OK, or should I just stop doing DLs, and become like others. Sometimes I really have this kind of doubts.

Yeah, it's sometimes annoying buying pants, but still I don't want to be like others. I want to lift weights, be strong, but with all this shit around me... No one supports me, and I just don't know what to think.

I apologize for this rant, but considering that you are the only people who can actually understand me, I just had to write this, and let it out.


It amazes me how people are so quick to say "you're getting too big" when you are packing on muscle, yet if someone is getting FAT, they don't say anything. They act as if they shouldn't upset the fat person, like it isn't their fault. Just a weird behaviour of society.

I doubt you'll convince your parents even if you demonstrate stamina, speed, agility.

Not all pants / jeans are made the same. A different cut makes all the difference. Try different brands.


A few months after I started lifting my brother started telling everyone in the family that I was on steroids. I'm 6'3" and at that time I was a recovering anorexic after losing about 80lbs starving myself for about 2 years. I was about 195lbs and he said I was on steroids because I was getting big too fast and my hair was thinning. I was anything but "big" at the time and his comments about my hair still have me perplexed. Still...it was something I was not ready for. I thought that if anything they would support me for trying to change for the better. But I guess I was wrong.


I went from 175 to 195 back in 97, while overseas. When my family saw pictures, they were rather positive about it. My uncle made some jokes about roids, but nothing serious. My parents are negative about my fighting though. I think they just don't get it. My dad has been a hard worker his whole life, and never had time for a hobby of any sort so I don't think he sees the point.

The only (slightly) negative comments my mom makes are regarding all the supps I bring with me when we go home to visit(protein powders, vitamins, minerals, etc). She usually asks me what it costs to take all that stuff every month. But that is all she says, and she says the same thing every trip.


Yeah, the same with mine. He says that if that interests me, he won't bother me, but he thinks that it's plain stupid.

And don't even mention supplements, they go crazy when I bring creatine or p. powder home.


Brother was jealous, for reasons discussed many times before on this site.

A few summers ago I got the "what are you on?" from a brother at the family picnic. Over the years I had defied the "family somatotype" thanks to T-Nation. Of course, among the Nation I'd be content if my physique were considered "average." But among outsiders, it stands out, so of course there was a "question" or "concern" from siblings re: what I was "doing."

I actually spent a good chunk of that afternoon explaining how I've changed my eating habits and what I've learned about efficient workouts. I think the bottom line was "Guys, if I can do it, anyone can. It just takes a plan and a time commitment." As annoying as family can sometimes be, mine at least understood the logic in that.

I feel sorry for people who don't accept fitness as a worthwhile pursuit in and of itself.

Maybe the tack to take is to steer the discussion away from things like SIZE as a goal. Point out the benefits of eating right to avoid illness and resistance training to avoid osteoporosis, etc. Tell them that larger musculature is just a side effect of living right, and if they tried it they'd see.

Or just say "Fuck 'em."


By any chance, does your dad have, or use to have, a physically demanding job? It's equally interesting that getting strong and gaining muscle from doing "hard work" is okay, but lifting weights is somehow bad. There's also the old fashioned notion that someone who was born stocky is okay - no need to lose muscle you have naturally - but to build muscle is bad.

The bad news is your parents' opinion on this issue will probably never change. I also started lifting in my teens and got the same kind of speech. It's been 20-some years later and my mom still asks why I keep lifting "those weights." It's so unhealthy. I should go for a nice "brisk" walk, instead. Luckily, it's been 20-some years since I lived with my parents, and once you're on your own, everything will change. Just hang in there.


You know whats really unbelievable? How many people so far have said they've heard the story from friends/family "do you use steroids?" Gosh, if I hear that one more time I'm gonna explode. Why cant a person lift weights and grow and not have everybody wondering if they're juicing? Its funny, the only person that doesnt think I juice is my finacee.


Well sort of. He grew up on a farm, now he works in a factory. I understand what he is saying, it's just that lifting weights is my passion, and I don't want to sit around all day, when I know I can change my body, be stronger... It's so revarding, getting a PR after few months of heavy lifting...
you can see your progress, experiment, if something goes wrong you change it, you learn discipline, and hard work really pays off in weightlifting-at least for me.
So yeah, the best thing is probably to just ignore him.


G star jeans if you can get them.

VVV comfy.



You oly lift, right?

I also oly lift. Right now I'm 6' to 6' 1" and 190 pounds, or in other words just over 180 centimeters and 85 kilos. Up from 65-70 kilos a couple years ago, up from 80 a couple months ago. I'm going to have to eat like a horse on a regular basis to get the kind of bodyweight and squatting strength you have.

This is not to say that you have a moral obligation to be the next Paul Anderson. It's just to say that you have a huge head start in oly lifting, powerlifting, strongman--you name it.


Unfortunately, that's what you'll have to do. Perhaps one day when he needs help moving something heavy, you'll be able to help and show him that you're not just building muscles for show. Which leads me into my little mini rant. I wish I knew why strength training is viewed so negatively. Bodybuilding is partly to blame.

You won't find many guys, particularly those "old school" guys like your dad, who think that shaving all of their body hair, oiling up, and parading around a stage in what can best be describe as an eye patch and some dental floss is a very manly pursuit. Commercial gyms and "personal trainers" are partly to blame. The whole idea that machines are safer and/or better than free weights. Of course, this has been criticized lately so now the selling point is "these machines work just like free weights."

Then why not just use free weights? We all know that machines neglect stabilizer muscles, so that a guy who can leg press 1,000 pounds may not be your first pick if you need help moving your couch. Then there's the frat boys who do nothing but bench and curls. Sure, they gots a purty chest and arms, but those toothpick legs ain't gonna help me move my couch.

Fortunately, you are doing the kind of training where you won't just get show muscles.

Now, go move your dad's couch for no apparent reason.


Nicely and enthusiasticaly ask him when he would like to go on a run with you, so he can see your "no stamina", and how "really fit" he supposedly is to be criticizing you. After a few minutes, run backwards in front of him while he's wheezing his ass off and make comments like, "yep, those weights sure detroyed MY stamina!"

I know you probably love your dad, but we men tend to get crotchety and stuck in our ways as we get older. Sometimes a swift kick to the ego (i.e.; calling him out to prove what he's been saying) can be a sobering and enlightening experience. Or it may just piss him off, and he'll make up some excuse like, "well, you're a young guy, you're supposed to be able to run, I'm old and shouldn't have to prove anything!" or words to that effect.

Either way, you aren't likely to hear him bring up the subject again, as deep down, he knows he left your challenge unanswered, and he knows you know that, too.


When I used to live with my parents, and I was really into bodybuilding, I used to weigh every piece of food I ate.

My mom is eastern european, so family meals and her cooking for the family is a big deal to her. Needless to say we butt heads almost every day.

Looking back I shouldnt have been so anal about everything.

Though, it is amazing at the amount of hate everyone has for someone who's capable of sticking to their diet and training. Actually it down right blows my mind.

Actually, even afterwards when I got into bjj and muay thai it was the same thing. I never announced it to anyone that I was practicing (because I'm a pretty private person), but as soon as some of my friends or acquaintances found out - they were lining up to tell me that I wasnt shit and that its not real fighting. Meanwhile I'm thinking to myself, "Ok, but why are you preaching to me? It's not like I brought it up or am trying to sell you on training. Fuck off!"


I have gone through something similar at every command since I started training...people find out I train and compete, and that's fine. I don't bring it up too often, only when someone asks usually. But as soon as I start talking about it(because someone asked), someone says 'Geez, we get it! Your a cage fighter! Woohoo! Talk about something else for a change!'


Thanks for support and help guys.

I'm pretty sure how I could make my father feel miserable-armwrestling.

But will probably have to wait few years before I can beat him:)

Working out in fitness for few years does not equal workin hard whole life.

But will beat him one day, and I hope he will then shot up:)


You will just have to wait for every one to start having heart attacks strokes and medical problems to explain why it is a good thing that you are doing.


One piece of advice: if you want to beat him in armwrestling, learn to arm wrestle. Strength training correlates very poorly to arm wrestling ability.


Yes, I hate when People tell me they liked me when I was skinny and "toned". I looked like fucking tobey maguire.My mom like's to call me the 50 first dates guy (If you haven't seen it don't ask) and buy's me big flashy pants to match my increasing ass and quad size.

I feel your pain.


Some people will never understand. I had a friend go around telling everyone I was juicing in high school all because I was dedicated to lifting and he spent all his time with his girlfriend. I wish I would have had T-Nation back then so I could have used the knowledge here to be even bigger and stronger. It all comes down to jealousy.