T Nation

Calling All Husbands and Significant Others

I was paraphrasing. They’re having sex 3X a week, so it seems like a conversation is in order, is all I’m saying. I like the LL! But it has its limitations.

Edit: you added to your post and T3h posted, but my client is here, so I’m out for now.

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That’s right. Which is not what she said lol. Don’t use quotes if it ain’t a quote!

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Without reading what everyone else has said, you need to separate what you do with your desire for more sex. You’re creating a comparison relationship where everything has to be equal. If she gets X, then you just also have something equal.

Also, consider that the chores you do for your wife do not have the same effect that sex has for you. Perhaps, you doing those things is nice, but isn’t her ‘love language’. I’d suggest having a meaningful discussion about how you can show her love and what it looks like for you. Also… know there will be a compromise.

Stud, I haven’t read all the other comments yet but if you were to read your initial post to your wife would she agree with you regarding your assertions? Would she be horrified that you’ve shared this with us and are seeking advice? Because if not I would suggest that you share this thread with her (assuming you see more of the kinds of comments that favor your veiwpoint) as a means to get more of what you’re looking for. It’s clear your intent (well, initial intent) is not to seek out sex from others. But we all know what happens when issues like this are left to stagnate…

Yeah! I got my wife a really nice St. Croix fly rod.

I still can’t believe she doesn’t really care much about it.


I believe I posted somewhere about receiving rain gear for my birthday, which makes both my third raincoat and my third pair of waterproof pants, all of it expensive (LL Bean, this batch). I was like “Oh. Wow.”

He would like us to walk more in the rain. My problem is my glasses, though, not getting my clothes wet.

But anyway, the fly rod sounds great! My husband’s birthday is in July, and I’m thinking about getting him pretty new bedding for our bedroom, lol.


I don’t disagree at all, I just think that in this specific case it sets the scene for (using quotation marks to indicate an imaginary spoken sentence) “WTF, I’ve done six words of affirmation this week and you’ve hardly physical affectioned me at all!”

Agree, and would say the same of treating men well. I just worry about OP’s focus on tit for tat. (So to speak.)

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Nothing says “bow-chicka-bowwow” like those fancy curtains around the bottom of the bed!

Maybe one of those cool hats like Sherlock Holmes was described as wearing would be good for walks in the rain.

To the subject of the thread: There are other ways to express love than just sex. Most adults do have to mature at some point beyond sexual gratification to philial love and mutual respect, not one to the exclusion of the other.

Also, expectations are resentments just waiting to happen.

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And this may end up being the determining factor. No 50 y/o woman I know will have a sex drive even roughly equivalent to yours. If things ultimately don’t work out (and I hope they do, or at least to your satisfaction) you will likely have to try a younger model if you catch my drift.

Definitely do this.

Nope, nope, nope. LOL


Agreed. I know about love languages, I guess I thought trying to please her was her love language. I guess not.

Yes. And I want to say how much I’ve appreciated everybody’s responses. It helps just to write this down and get it off my chest. Thank you!

Agreed. I guess its my self administered TRT that keeps my motor running so high.

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The question isn’t does she like being pleased, but how. My wife, for example, appreciates that I do chores, dishes, yard work, make breakfast on weekends, etc., BUT what she loves is gifts and me initiating asking her go out to eat.

After reading this and your replies I am not surprised at all your wife does not want to do the deed. She probably feels the same way you do, unappreciated. She thinks you view her as a subservient sex worker paying off a debt of chores, rather than a romantic partner.

Cleaning the pool is not romance. Sex is not payment for you doing chores. Very narrow minded and somewhat selfish view of the situation. That sounds harsher typed than I mean it to be so dont take offense to it.

Think of it this way, if some dude wants to bang your wife, he is not going to come over to your house and take out the garbage to get in her pants. He is going to make her feel special, wanted and attractive. You want some booty, go seduce your wife and earn it. Painting the house and then providing an invoice to be paid in blowies is a sure fire way to turn her off, not on.


Bingo. Try making her feel special, wanted emotionally and appreciated without expecting anything in return. She very well has a completely different view on the subject of what gets her in the mood than we have with testosterone and a hair trigger.

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Awesome statement! Made me laugh out loud. Seriously though I do try to tell her how hot she looks daily, give her lots of hugs and kisses and we hold hands when we’re out, I open the car door for her, etc. A lot of chivalry. I dont want anybody thinking I’m doing the caveman approach of hitting her over the head and dragging her to the bed.

She is a boss at her work and she tends to always be thinking about work or her daughter or something else and I think that is what keeps her from thinking about sex more often.

Read the 5 love languages.

Then read it again.

You’re a classic case man. You’re expressing love in a way she doesn’t recognize and Visa Versa.

Counciling might help too. Resentment goes noplace nice.


It’s starting to worry me that this was exactly my response, to the word. I might stop reading your blog

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Not really much I can add other than making sure you know what her kinks are, which women don’t always come out and say. I once dated a girl who took almost a year to tell me that she was into some really freaky shit. She was into rape fantasy type of stuff, getting tied up and left in a room, and super super in to just being made to do sex acts at random times. The dirtbag pervert treatment she liked from me was honestly a lot to pull off at times, but it sure pushed her buttons when I went along with it. Total game-changer once she told me what she REALLY liked.

She didn’t cook or clean a damn thing either. You guys would have been a great pair.