T Nation

Calgary Balls

Maybe it’s the water. Or the air. Or the Mountains. Maybe even the atmospheric effects of the ever present Chinooks but there seems to be an awful lot of T-men/Vixens here abouts in Calgary. More than usual, especially considering how small the area is, what causes this?

I know.

It’s the annual Festival of Testicles held every year (hence the “annual” thing…we’re smart too!) at Buzzards. I include the following info ripped from their website below…


2002 will be the ninth annual Testicle Festival. This event has swollen (as it were) over the years into an internationally-recognized happening. Well, not quite, but it’s a lot of fun! We sell T-shirts (this year’s tagline: “I WENT NUTS!”) and serve the testicles (cooked) of castrated bull calves prepared a number of different ways. For example, there is “Italian Stallion-style” and “Mixed Nuts” and, … well you get the picture. The festival takes place for the entire month of June.

p a:link {#CC0000}More about Buzzards HERE!

Now, for those of you who have never had the pleasure, I can tell you it take BALLS to scarf down a plate of, well, BALLS…my first time was in Amarillo Texas at “The Big Texan” restaurant, those sneaky bastards call them “Cow Fries” and don’t actually tell what they are until you got a belly full of 'em and by then it’s too late. The horror of knowing that you just ate another male creatures testicles is enough to make your own disappear so far into your body cavity that aside from feeling them when you rub your throat, you won’t see them again for at least a week. And when the do make another appearance the seem to be smaller as if they a reprimanding you for your transgression. If they could talk, I don’t think I would want to hear what they would have to say…Cannibal!..you BASTARD!, do you know what you ATE, how could you DO THAT TO ANOTHER MALE?..and then to say Mmmmm TASTES LIKE VEAL…you sick, sick PRICK!

So overall, it’s a good thing that no pieces of my anatomy talk, especially my testicles, although I may be interested in what my spleen thinks about Wally Szczerbiak’s seemingly abrasive personality.

Anyway, there are lots of us here and I may indeed be wrong about the reasons but I know we have many, many more who spend their time here “Lurking”, well, Lurkers, it’s time to POST! (I’m thinking Caryn et al from Edgemont World health) Speak up!

It’s time to claim our rightful title of TESTOSTERONE CAPITAL OF THE WORLD!

E~Plurbus is gathering us together for a Matrix 2 night out…so get posting…

If you have the Balls…

“Moral: a peerless maxim enumerated by God in his Holy Bible, such as that of Deut. 23:1, if your testicles are crushed or your male member missing, you must never enter a sanctuary of the Lord”

~ Donald Morgan

canadians are wierd.

Growing up in West Texas, we used to have calf fries. On cutting day, you beer batter them and deep fry them in the same grease you use for your catfish. Everyone sat out in the country drinking beer, eating, and daring little kids to piss on the electric fence. Good times.

Steven, it’s the long cold winters.

Cake, Eva, haven’t seen Big Chief post in a long time, Groove’s back in Ottawa??? who else?

PETA must be thrilled that you’re using the ENTIRE animal after its death.

That reminds me. In high school, they would offer chicken rings at lunch. They were like little breaded chicken donuts. What part of the chicken is the ring? Sounds like a good Chic-fil-a side item - Sphincter Snacks.

Now we can never say that you Canadians don’t have any balls.

Jared, we Canadians have balls… we just have to keep them far, far away from Cupcake.

Boobies :smiley:

Oh yeah,…that’s disgusting.

Holy dog shit! Texas? Only steers and queers come from Texas, Private Doogie. And you don’t look much like a steer to
me so that kinda narrows it down. Do you suck dicks?

sorry couldn’t help myself.


There is (exposing themselves currently…) Foxy Roxy, AtheleteSpecific, E~Pluribus Unum, CGB, Cupcake, and some other “kid” that I can’t remember of the top ‘o’ my head, there is also Sturat up in the ‘Chuck and yes, although us in Cow Town hate those Dumb, Ignorant, Unwashed, In-bred, 11 toed, Cross Eyed, Potato Sack Wearin’, Hill-Billie’s from up north, the man IS T-Brethren and needs to be treated as such.

Not bad from our little berg, let’s see who comes out of the woodwork…

“The World is my country, all mankind are my brethren, and to do good is my religion”

~ Thomas Paine

Now, now…I don’t know if my original post made it clear enough but the experience of ingesting testicular tid-bits did not sit well with me and I have undertaken to not do so again.

Charles Staley has requested “Mission Statements” from the T-Nation, I think that this is a great idea as a man needs to have guiding principles in his life, something that he can always look to in times of crisis and worry. Something to be his grounding anchor for his beliefs, and the rock upon which he can lean.

Mine is:

“Do not eat Testicles”

I’m thinking a Tattoo is in order.

I find that this keeps me out of all sorts of trouble and has never yet let me down.

For those of you who do not share this “Mission Statement”, I don’t have any idea how you get by and can only guess at your Testicle consumption.

“I’m not really on a mission to tell anybody anything. I’d rather be figured out”

~ Diana Krall

Cake, I’ve turned a few people onto this site recently and I’m sure they’re lurking around here somewhere. They’re probably embarassed to post to a thread entitled “Calgary Balls.” It was only against my better judgement to do so myself.


You and I and…well… actually all of us know that you have NO “better judgement”

Who ya tryin’ ta kid?

Maybe a better title would have been:

"Porn Stars wanted: No experience necessary, High pay, Low hours, All the silicone you can implant.

Big Chief…you out there?

“Do not condemn the judgement of another because it differs from your own. You may both be wrong”

~ Dandemis