T Nation

Building Mass By Dave Tate

Everyone wants to know how to get big…this is the way sometimes clean eating just won’t help…this is some advice from Dave…

"Finally, this is NOT a meal or snack.

It is just another way to add some JACK.

Sometimes you have to do things to live your dream.

And yes, this may mean eating some cream.

This may not be the best habit to keep,

but remember when the rest of the world is asleep

you will be the one paying the price

as they wake to another day of chicken and rice.

Sometimes you need to eat healthy to stay clean,

but I am here to say you may have to eat like shit to be a machine.

This may be contrary to fact

but skinny NOT?let’s get jacked.

If you want to grow up to be like the great King Kong

then mark my words, you may need some Ding Dongs.

Listen up and make sure to get this right.

It all comes down to calories per bite.

Some of you may be saying, “Dave you are whacked.”

This is okay because I am almost JACKED.

I have done what I needed to do.

And yes, I remember the picture at the zoo.

To keep from getting decked,

you should get your blood work checked.

A glass, ice cream, and root beer make a float?

just what is needed for a monster bloat.

Please don’t get trapped.

You need to eat big to get JACKED.

There will be times you will want to quit.

Walk to the mirror and look through your slits.

Your face is bloated and looks like dread,

but your arms are JACKED, you can’t shave your head.

Eating in class once lead to after school detention,

but a must this was to gain water retention.

Go to the store and hit the cookie isle.

Load the cart up with a big giant pile.

When you check out you will pay the toll.

Never mind, this is the way to get swole.

The point I am trying to make

is really as simple as eating cake.

Candy bars, subs, and chips are the right track.

A great daily lunch this is to get JACKED.

It has to do with getting more than getting big.

For some of us this may mean being a pig.

You see getting lean is a piece of cake.

It is getting big that makes most shake.

The thought of losing their abs

has them all taking jabs.

They need to get in the kitchen and crank up ?back in black.?

Tear open a box of pop tarts and get JACKED.

They buzz-buzz-buzz like mosquitoes

when all they need is a bag of Doritos.

I will say this one more time.

What they say and do is such a crime.

They have their ass tied and bound.

Here is a clue?fudge round.

Dieting is easy when you set your way.

Adding mass is without a doubt a different day.

They have their way, and I have mine,

but please remember, I walk the line.

They might have been the head of the class,

but they can kiss my JACKED up ass! "

I love Dave Tate. I think he’s absolutely incredible. I loved reading this, everything hit home with the way I’m bulking. If you search all the articles Dave has written on here, there’s one particular one listing I believe 50 reasons why he loves being fat.

Some of them are pure comic genious. But look at him now. I’m not laughing. Frankly, I’m scared. Scared he could eat me alive.

You left out the whole Oreo part.

I loved that “article”. I just read it about an hour ago.

Great read after I just ate 6 slices of pizza and 2-3 bread sticks…

[quote]beaul wrote:
Great read after I just ate 6 slices of pizza and 2-3 bread sticks… [/quote]

So was it two or three breadsticks? I mean, its not like it was two or three dozen. Two or three isnt too hard to keep track of, is it?

As for the poem, that was pretty awesome.

He must have composed it in the middle of his Berardi-induced uber-clean purge. I can only imagine the emotional attachment one can have after 20 years of ding dongs and bulking.

Please don’t kill me Dave!

[quote]beaul wrote:
Great read after I just ate 6 slices of pizza and 2-3 bread sticks… [/quote]

No wonder you’re fat.

[quote]Roy wrote:
beaul wrote:
Great read after I just ate 6 slices of pizza and 2-3 bread sticks…

No wonder you’re fat.[/quote]

[quote]rrjc5488 wrote:
beaul wrote:
Great read after I just ate 6 slices of pizza and 2-3 bread sticks…

So was it two or three breadsticks? I mean, its not like it was two or three dozen. Two or three isnt too hard to keep track of, is it?

As for the poem, that was pretty awesome.[/quote]

I was concentrating on finishing the whole pizza so i wasn’t really watching the bread sticks disappear.

:smiley:

cool poem

but I think “most” people will go wrong with this

I say that because most people are pretty new 0-3 years training and when they eat like this they will heal and grow much faster than what they are used to

meaning they could squat and bench two or three times a week with fairly high rep sets 5-12 and make much better gains than they would if they did legs one day a week and chest one day a week

and most people wont bench/squat three times a week because its considered over training and if they do full body training 3x10 ect they wont do the sets/reps needed for the best posible growth or strength gains

and in the end they will make good strength and muscle gains from week to week but will gain a good deal of fat more than most would see as acceptable
leading to “failed bulks” early cuts and shit bulks in the future because they would be afraid to gain fat

thats just my thoughts tho


n3wb

[quote]n3wb wrote:
meaning they could squat and bench two or three times a week with fairly high rep sets 5-12 and make much better gains than they would if they did legs one day a week and chest one day a week

and most people wont bench/squat three times a week because its considered over training and if they do full body training 3x10 ect they wont do the sets/reps needed for the best posible growth or strength gains


n3wb[/quote]

I squatted 3 times a week for 6 weeks and had the best gains of my entire life.

[quote]industrialplaid wrote:
Roy wrote:
beaul wrote:
Great read after I just ate 6 slices of pizza and 2-3 bread sticks…

No wonder you’re fat.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Body_dysmorphic_disorder[/quote]

I’m not even gunna deny it.

Being fat is underrated.

[quote]n3wb wrote:
cool poem

but I think “most” people will go wrong with this

I say that because most people are pretty new 0-3 years training and when they eat like this they will heal and grow much faster than what they are used to

meaning they could squat and bench two or three times a week with fairly high rep sets 5-12 and make much better gains than they would if they did legs one day a week and chest one day a week

and most people wont bench/squat three times a week because its considered over training and if they do full body training 3x10 ect they wont do the sets/reps needed for the best posible growth or strength gains

and in the end they will make good strength and muscle gains from week to week but will gain a good deal of fat more than most would see as acceptable
leading to “failed bulks” early cuts and shit bulks in the future because they would be afraid to gain fat

thats just my thoughts tho


n3wb[/quote]

Erm…what? Engrish plz. Also, how does your split vs total body opinion come into play with massive eating? Please leave the dead horse alone…