Brute's Book

[brute_fury]

May 4, 2019

Today- Malibu Walk!

I love starting the day this way! Such a beautiful morning! If only I could time capsule this for a few extra hours :D!!

This was how the walk started …with some cute Sheila Mule deer prancing about.

May 4, 2019

My girl is ever the hunter! She gets so excited seeing critters! She doesn’t want to play…she wants to eat them!

MAN ALIVE! This time last year I did not have this peace in my life. This time last month I didn’t have it either. I’ve been working hard. To get release from the anger and hurt , frustration my last relationship draped across my neck like a big ol yoke. WOOOOHOOO it is coming off!

Tuesday things started to bother me again, the things that I had the most grievance over. So I decided to write it out in a essay to myself. This has helped me a ton in the past to formulate my thoughts and vent.

I got started, I made an outline, I re-read emails that I had wrote to myself when the things were actually happening. That too has been incredibly helpful to look at, when I was confused at things in the relationship, I wrote myself an email describing them as a way to try and figure them out then and as a way to try and see if I was seeing things clearly.

I consulted these emails and started to write a new essay…and I thought…is this even necessary?

Anyone with a brain can see I had reason to be hurt, anyone with a brain can see the injustice, anyone with a brain can see what was going on. I have multiple examples varying in degrees of bad behavior of another…whatever!

Do I even need to convey what I already know to myself? I don’t need to convince anyone of what is self evident. Writing "the sky is blue ", “1+1=2” over and over again isn’t necessary.

That gave me a real sense of peace, something I hadn’t even thought of before. Another part of the question of what is necessary is this : Do I need to embarrass this person by simply sharing what they did? Even if I only share it with myself again?

Do they not have enough problems already? They lost me completely from their life- I’d be very sad if I lost me forever. I can’t even be their friend, its not even an option. Unless they change their ways, they also won’t be able to give someone true love. That is a terrible position to be in.

They can receive it because true love is by its nature self sacrificing when required for the object of the person who is giving true love. When you truly love someone, you do that easily and happily and then you wait anxiously for the opportunity to do it again for them! Giving true love to someone else is the most rewarding thing you can ever do.That is what makes your heart burst with real joy! its REAL!

I can though. I am free and available for the real thing. I know I am capable of giving it.

I am a powerful person. Its not necessary to add to another the burden of my utter contempt to the list of stuff they have to carry around-even if its stating the facts, even if its warranted.

I’ll keep my knowledge I learned, I’ll keep the reminder of what all this has cost me- my reluctance to act on things I know were not cool, my reluctance to stand up for myself when I needed to, my second guessing myself, I should have acted on what I SAW!!!

It cost me a lot. Time, grief, massive loss of self esteem, loss- confusion!- over my own identity of myself, the burden of being angry, the frustration of never getting recognition for being hurt by the one who did it, the drag of carrying a dishonor on myself, permitting and allowing another to do that to me. That was the hardest by far, I let myself down so much.

I have done my time with this life lesson! Now, soon- I can feel it!- is my release outta this prison of being a captive to this-- burden of anger and hurt. I can see it coming now. Time served, soon, I will be able to say I have served it all.

[brute_fury]

Some feel good stuff!

May 5, 2019

This is the puppy who was in the cart a few months ago that I posted a video off, running around cheering everyone up!

His sad story is also a lucky dog story.

He was reportedly born with an abnormal spine and at 4 weeks still unable to walk. The owner had his son shoot this puppy with a BB gun to put it down. This is legal in the area in Texas where this puppy was from.

The puppy was shot, then found in the road by a local good samaritan . The finder of the dog asked around and found out that the owner had put it on the road on purpose with the intent on it being hit by a car and killed.

The owner freely admitted this. In the mean time the puppy then was picked up by a rescue group and shipped up to my clinic for care.

The puppy got surgery for his injured spine which had a bb logged in it. The rescue paid for all of this . One of my coworkers decided to Foster him for the rescue after being his nurse for many weeks. This puppy had never used his hind legs in his life.

Fast forward to today when he is 5 months old. His will probably end up a foster fail ( as in the foster mom will end up keeping him as her own), and all the work she’d been doing with him as well as the help from all our clinics best from the neurologist to the sports medicine PT team …and he is using his legs!

[Scotto]

The first part of the story is horrendous, shoot it, leave it in the road to be hit by a car… Very glad to hear the puppy is improving, a good one for a foster fail!

[brute_fury]

Yes! There is something about that puppy in particular that is so incredibly endearing. We see a lot of sad stories of innocents - and owners- being put to the test so often you don’t even try to get attached much.

Or to be honest root for them because what they have against them is often a hard hard hard uphill battle that they have little chance to win and big chance to suffering longer instead and having no idea why since you can’t tell them its for the best.

…that lil pooper though! He just makes you happy seeing him charge on with his cart. He has what it takes !

[brute_fury]

Today
pull ups x 9
Log clean once strict press reps 67x4, 77x2, 87x2, 95 x4 x6 sets
FS 45x10, 135, 165, 190x5 x5 sets, 175x7 x3 sets

Monster Walking lunges x200 feet
Pull ups x8

3 circuits of:

• baby log (53-63#) strict press from safeties x10
• pull ups x5
• log clean and strict press each rep 67# x5
• rear delts x20

Monster walking lunges x4 min 30 seconds, 30 seconds of bw squats

Kb bell up oh waiters walks 15# per arm x100 feet each

Leg strenght not there today! Oh well

[brute_fury]

Today
dead lifts 45x10, 135x2, 185, 225, 250, 275x2, 290x2, 305, 320, 285x4 x 5 sets
anderson zerchers a knotch lower then before 45x10, 135x4, 185x4, 205x4 x 4 sets
rdls 45x10, 95x10, 135x10 x 4 sets
stepmill x 20 mins

That’s it! Today I channeled my feet muscles! For deadlifts, whatever made me realize to do this I don’t care but I did and it helped. I suction cup held my toes down like a gecko on a slimy branch on those deadzos.

Maybe my sore feet have just been feet DOMS all this time?? Am I unknowingly doing bodybuilding moves on me feet ?? HA HA!

[brute_fury]

Today I had an extra day off work! Just in time for a fantastically rainy day!

This morning a fabulous Malibu walk.
Laundry
Stepmill x 20 mins

Cool! I have been getting an opportunity to flex my Cheap Bastard muscles as this last paycheck was a rent paycheck and its now -once again, YIPPEE!- more then an entire paycheck to pay rent. It went up $135 a month and there’s no reason for me not to expect it do to the same next year. It is what it is in Denver.

However, my time with the rednecks as a young adult has made me very prepared for making a dollar spread wide as well as live on the cheap. I’m pretty cheap to begin with but I do like to have some level of buffer. Oh well, we’ll see!

[brute_fury]

I am wealthy in other areas of my life though for sure! Like my job !

I met this big ol dude yesterday. He’s 218# of Boerbel - African Mastiff. He’s illegal in several states to own. This dude was not super social- as in lovie Mastiff type- but not aggressive thank heavens.

He is a BIG BOY. He was there for an MRI, he had neck pain. His neck was about the size if not bigger than my waist.

Today this was going on with 2 cats …and lucky for me I got today off! This procedure is just as disgusting and stinky as it sounds.

[donnerschweer]

That is a big dog! My 94lb dobe sound like a small puppy now.

[burnur]

is that removing bowel obstruction or something?

[brute_fury]

NO…its even worse! Its when a dog or cat with problems with their gut - like a malabsorptive issue or whatever- gets a transplant of another dog or cats poop inserted into their colon. In this case its two cats involved.

The donor cat poops, the poop goes in the freezer as soon as we find it, the doctors put the poop in a blender, add some stuff, then administer the pulverized feces to the dog or cat ( who is under full anesthesia, the vet uses an endoscope to check out the colon while they are there) large intestine (colon). Its an attempt to colonize the recipients tissue walls of the colon with proper gut flora/bacteria.

I cannot tell you how terrible it smells. Worse then any poop smell I’ve ever experienced. The poor recipient cat gets multiple enemas the night before to make sure the colon is nice and squeaky clean for the transplantation. The whole thing is disgusting!

[burnur]

So basically the exact thing I thought “theres no way it could be that”

[brute_fury]

Today
pull ups x 11
log clean once strict press reps 67x3, 77, 82, 87, 92, 97, fail at 102
mens log clean once strict press reps empty (85#) x 6 x 6 sets

pull ups x 9
log clean and press each rep 67x6, 72x6, 77x6, 82x6, 87x3
mens log clean and push press each rep empty/85# x 5

pull ups x 8
dead sled plus 70# ( total wt not sure, 220?) x 5 mins 45 seconds drops every 60 feet, rough grip day no idea total distance)

pull ups x 7
sand bag carry 100# a 6 mins

pull ups x 6
dead sled carry wt above plus dragging chains behind no idea the wt x 50 feet ss with
prowler plus 90# low handle push 50 feet/high handle push 50 feet back
ss carry the dead sled with the chains ontop of it instead of behind x 50 feet
did the above for 4 circuits

prowler plus 90# low handle push x50 feet/high handle push x 50 feet back x 5 mins moderate pace

4 circuits of: ( reps and wt’s added/ changed each circuit)

• rear delts on machine 15#x 25, 30#x12, 30#x12,45#x6, 15# x20
• seated rows x 12 added 10# each go
• pull ups 5,4,3,2
• prowler plus 90# reverse drags x 50 feet

3 circuits of:

• peck fly machine 15# x 20, 30# x 20, 45# x 15
• power row the prowler plus 140# x 50 feet
• reverse drag prowler plus 140# x 50 feet
• kb oh waiters walks x 100 feet 15# one arm, 10# one arm, each arm did the wt’s x 100 feet
  1 pull ups with a 30 second hold on top and slow descend down

Malibu Walk!

SWEEEEEETT! Feeling good! My shoes died on me. I had not realized my right shoe/samba had been talking like a puppet. As in my pinkie toes of my socks were busting out the side. Luckily I have my dress sambas ( orange and black!) that I can use for lifting now!

[brute_fury]

Exactly!

[brute_fury]

Today
sand bag carry 75# x 1 min ( for a warm up)
prowler reverse drags x warm up

stone loads 107x2, 140x2
sand bag loads 150x5, 160x5, 170x5, 200 x2 x 2 sets ← not fully loaded, too high of a platform but a good exercise non the less, rolled it up to my chest with that long ass bastard 200# bag.

I got the added sand bag wt by placing 5# sand bags from my wt’d vest on the top of the bag, which fell off when I would load it on the platform since they were just loose on top, but the sandbag wt off the ground to the platform was heavier.

failed at 210 stone twice! Bad pick day for stones. Did some drills instead.

stone drill with 140# - 3 reps of each movement
3 picks/deadlift of the floor only followed by
3 pick then stone to lap only followed by
3 pick- lap- then up to chest only followed by
3 full loads (pick, lap, chest, load)

then again with 140# but did it backwards right after -vid below

3 reps of each movement part :
3 picks/deadlift off the floor only
3 pick then stone to lap only
3 pick- lap- then up to chest only
3 full loads (pick, lap, chest, load) THEN in reverse
3 pick- lap- then up to chest only
3 pick then stone to lap only
3 picks/deadlift off floor only
3 full loads ( pick, lap, chest, load)

monster walking lunges x 100 feet
tried a sled overhead tricep push which was cool! x 100 feet

prowler plus 90# high handle push moderate pace 5 continuous minutes
prowler plus 90# arm over arm x 50 feet
prowler plus 140# arm over arm x 140 feet

Malibu walk!

Cool! I wish the 167# stone at turbo gym was not so slick and lacquered so I could do the drill with that one. I think that wt’d be a great challenge for the drill, its about bw for me. Its too slick though like a bowling ball, slicker then the 210 stone which is why I never ever use it, just go from 140 to 210. MAYBE I can try with a heavier than 150# sandbag too.

I think I can come up with an even better way to add wt to the 150# sand bag that is already full by getting some stockinette bandage stuff from my work to make a kind of t-shirt for it like we do for dogs who have incisions to cover.

I guess I could just use a t shirt as well too. To keep the lil 5# sand bag bars on it. Dress it up!

Now that I think of it, I know that by adding clothing to inanimate things, they are more satisfying to hug thus they then trigger the MEGA HUG SQUUEEEEEZE REFLEX!

Dammit Mr. Heavier the 150# lighter the 200# Sandbag! its time to cuddle! And you’re going to like it!

[brute_fury]

Today- Beautimus Malibu Walk!

It hit me this morning that its almost mid may! Which means a month or so and it’ll be the solstice. DANG! This 2019 has gone by quickly! I care about this because it means earlier sunrise, longer days…which I prefer the opposite.

I’m doing this today for lifting. Its a good day for buns, my left upper bum is a bit tender!

8 Minute Buns

Summer of 1997 when I first moved to Denver from Los Angeles I was 15 and lived at my Uncles house. 8 min abs and Tony Little-- this was what I’d do daily. I’d run 4 miles on the 7th Ave Parkway with the ladies and the huge running strollers , then eat 2 fat free hot dogs. That was summer of 1997 for me. My niece was a baby, and here I am trying to hold her…I’m not the most maternal female.

May 1998 this was me. Counting down the days until I was released from the hospital will a fellow ED ( eating disorder) patient who I befriended. I made my first real solo friendships there with other patients, since before most of my friends where made with my twin or my other sisters. In a way I was first myself around these fellow patients, I got my first opportunity to be entirely me without any of them knowing anything about me. When you come from the last of a large family, and are a twin, that opportunity as a young person wasn’t very easy to come by. In a way, the hospital stays were the first steps of developing myself as a individual. There I first experienced real understanding of others and they got me too.

We took this picture the day she was released and she sent me a copy. I remember her very well, her name was Daisy and she was from Montana. I have no idea what happened to her but I think of her a lot. This was a few days in the second and longer stay I did there which was around 3 months.

May 2009 I was working overnights. I’d been back from a failed attempt to live in England and was depressed, binging a lot, and felt like a failire. I failed to get a life started in England because of a few things. One being I couldn’t get a job or a working permit as a tech since I was not a citizen, and at the time my profession ( now it’s a vet nurse there, prior vets just did it all) did not even exist in the UK.

Not working effected my self esteem hugely as I lost my sense of purpose. I was incredibly homesick for all the relationships I’d built as a tech working with other techs as well as that feeling you get from working hard, the satisfaction. The guy I was with at the time couldn’t understand that, and thought foolishly that if I loved him it’d be enough to pull me through not having a sense of purpose and being so very homesick.

So that relationship ended. That took a long time for him to come to terms that I tried and failed and was naive to how big of a hurdle I’d made for myself- as in being American and he living in the UK- just to be in a relationship with him. He kept trying from over the seas still when I came home and didn’t understand even then that it was done. That was a big source of anger for me too, that he didn’t let me go. He did eventually but it took a long time, and it took me being pretty hard to him so he’d get the point. I asked him to leave me alone so I could move on, he didn’t see it that way, but eventually he did.

I also had started to get back more serious in lifting in May 2009. Prior to going to the UK I had a bit of a relapse of my eating disorder. At first it was cutting back on food and excessive cardio, then when I got back home it was binging. Here I am in 2009 doing back squats at 1/4 depth.

Anywho! May seems to be an important month for me. This time last year I was lost, messed up self confidence and confusion from a my attempts at a failed relationship, lost without having an anchor in my life. Malibu of course became that anchor, I developed the courage to try again on a dog buddy and thank HEAVENS I found the courage to do so.

[brute_fury]

Today
pull ups x 8
log clean once strict press reps 67x5, 77x5, 87x7 x4 sets
fs 45x10, 135x2, 165, 180x7 x5 sets, 190x5, 200x2, 210x2
log clean and strict press each rep 67# x 5

3 circuits of :

• rear delts increase wt each go reps/wt 25/15#, 12/30#, 10/45#
• seated rows add 10# each go x 12
• tricep press with the sled ( facing away form sled, triceps extensions) x 50 feet
• face pulls with sled x 50 feet

reverse drags of sled plus wt no idea what it is , added 35#, 60#, 85# x misc distance ss with power rowing it back the other way

4 pull ups

I DID not wanna do it today at all! At any time today, Lady Madam Aunt Flo should show up and I stupidly had a ton of salt and dairy yesterday in a PMS hunger attack. My joints are blown up! I am soggy and holding water in all my bodily tissues! I am just waiting for my feet to start feeling like tenderized meat.

I sure hope it gets going so it gets OVER!

[brute_fury]

Today
dead lifts 45x10, 135x2, 185x2, 225x2, 255x2, 280, 300x3 x 5 sets
rdls 65x7, 115x7, 155x7 x 2 sets, 175x7 x 2 sets
stepmill x 24 and a half mins!

Gotta jet! To sneak a very mini nap before work. I haven’t had a ton of sleep the last two days and it effected my brain! Sleep brianfog,which also can manifest in bursts of slap happy giggles at work! I for sure am a person who requires a good chunk of sleep. 10 hours in 2 days isn’t enough!

[brute_fury]

This is Duke! He’s a doctor’s personal cat and he is a LOVER! When you walk by his cage and he sees you, up starts the Purr Machine!

Here he is purring and eating at the same time. It is not a nervous purr, this cat is seriously a loverboy.

May 14, 2019

Talk about a cool job!

[brute_fury]

Today
pull ups x 10
log clean once strict press reps 67x5, 80x5, 80x8 x 3 sets, 90x4, 80x5 x 3 sets
log clean and strict rep each rep 70x5, 80x7 x 3 sets
log clean and press with leg drive each rep 85 x5, 90x5, 105 x 5
t bar carry 207# x 5 mins 30 secoonds/walked around 1,000 feet first drop/regrip at 400 feet, then regrip every 100 feet

pull ups x 9
sand bag carry warm up 75# x 1 min
sand bag carry 100# x 5 mins 30 seconds

pull ups x 8
sand bag squats 75x10, 100x10,
150x5, 100x10

May 16, 2019

Pull ups x7

3 circuits of:

• rear delts: reps/wt on machine went up each round 33/15#, 15/30#, 15/45#
• pull ups reps went down 1 rep each round 6,5,4
• kb bell up oh waiters walks one arm had 10# other did 15# x100 feet then switched the kb’s x 100 feet

3 circuits of:

• peck flies rep/wt heavier each round 35#/20, 45#/20, 60#/20
• ball seated rows x 12 heavier each round
• pull ups x 3,2,1
• over head triceps x 20

Ball attachment was a invention of my Twinnie! I forgot I had it in my closet!

pull up x 1 hold on top ( chin over bar) x 15 seconds then slow decline down x 10 seconds

Malibu Walk!

Kinda got a bit lost today but it was good. Need to work my legs more. As long as my knees agree, I want to give it a shot on doing bw high rep high / NOT TO DEPTH squats. Beef up my quads a bit.

The sb squats are cool but the 150# bag felt all wrong, form was bad due to the shape of it.