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Brute's Book


#1784

Today
dead lifts 45x10, 135x2, 185, 225, 255, 280, 295 x4 x 6 sets
anderson zerchers 45x5, 135x5, 185x5, 205x5, 225x5, 245x4
step mill x 20 mins, walk about break then x 3 mins fast
monster walk lunges x estimated 350 feet
zercher carry a 60# straight barbell ( at 24 hour fitness) misc distance around 200 feet
the tank push/ harness reverse drag back x 100 feet add resistance each time x 4 trips each
zercher carry again, misc distance

NICE!


#1785

More feel good puppy stuff! MY GOD! I was working with this dog when he was boarding at my job for a few days and holy cow my Dog Mom hormones were activated! I swooned like a women at a baby! HA! He is a puppy and he smelt like a puppy- pee pee, kinda stinky, kinda grungey and dirty-- that puppy feel and smell! I was FLOODED with happy memories of my Mossimo when he was a baby and how wonderful he make my life instantly!

Its a bit of a reminder of confident hope! That whatever happens, I know what will help make my life better all around. DOGS!!! :D!!! BAR NONE!


#1786

Respect all your hard work. Hang in there:

dog


#1787

Thank you! I appreciate it! YOU TOO!


#1788

Today
pull ups x 9
log clean once strict pres reps 67x5, 77x5, 87x 5 x 4 sets, 90x5
pull ups x 8
stone loads 107, 140, 210, 220 x 9 total loads
pull ups x 6
monster walk lunges x 200 feet
3 circuits of:

  • baby log press from safeties with red bands (empty, 33#) x 6
  • pull ups x 4
  • seated rows x 10
  • rear delts x 10

Malibu walk

That’s it today! One of my stone loads missed the mat coming off the platform and hit the floor and the power flickered out at turbo gym. Lights out! It was brief but the owner who was training a few people noticed the place going black since it was around 5am. He said “You made the power go out! I’m impressive!” HA HA!!

First time in the warming pants for stone loads and it went well! Stones are another trigger exercise that make my hip/hamstring complain a bit, this time it felt ok. I closed shop on them when I started getting sloppy on form! Thought about doing some more loads with the sand bag but decided against it.

My recovery has not been that great the last few weeks so I need to pull back a bit. I think it has to do with my sleep which has been ok but I get up often lately with foot aches, ankle stiffness. Not the same extensor pain as before, but general achey ness. Once I’m moving things are fine but the start up can look a bit wild!

Maybe I’m just getting older and need to tailor my lifts a bit better-or who knows! Its also around the time things get busy at work and that for sure is the case. 20 plus patients, multiple parvo babies, isolation patients are back! The slow time of the year suddenly is over and its ball busting time again!

Yesterday was a heart breaker. :frowning: A very sweet mutt came into the hospital my job for treatment for eating ibuprofen. The owners had not realized she had gotten into the pills until a few days after the fact. When I met her Tuesday she was a WILD spunky girl with a great appetite. Very sweet girl.

With toxin ingestion, It depends on what they get into but usually most dogs stay a few days on fluids, gastric protectants, liver supportive meds if what they got into will damage the liver, etc. Charcoal by mouth if its something that we can bind up. The treatment depends on the toxin. The longer it is before we treat the worse the outcome.

Every day they are there we draw blood samples to see where there values are. High values of certain things indicate damage to specific organ systems. Kidneys, liver, etc. Ibuprofen in dogs causes gastric ulceration as well so we treat supportively ( by giving things to support the bodies own healing process) with various antacids and gut soothing meds while the fluids given iv help flush stuff outta in the system. Appetite stimulants to keep them eating, etc. Support the body’s own healing process while also aiming to flush out and mitigate the damage of the toxin to the body.

Yesterday about an hour into my shift I found that cute sweet girl covered in drool and whining, lateral and what looked like post seizure in her cage. She was dying. She had choked on her regurgitation in her cage as well when she seized. She went septic from her stomach ulcerations…she vomited up part of her stomach. I have never seen anything like that-- a dog vomiting up their own stomach wall because it was broken apart with ulcers.

SO fucking sad. I was with her for about an hour of the stabilization process, she did not die on her own, but after a few hours of her circling the drain with all the support we could offer her, the vet recommended euthanasia and her owners agreed. They were able to be with her when she was put down. Its so sad seeing owners knocked off their feet with these situations. Such pure sadness and grief.


#1789

Today I can also log a long uphill hike and a bit of a meditative end point. Lucky for me one of the hikers was a fellow redhead ! This was fantastic!

Who as a redhead was most understanding and supportive of my anti-sun garb!!! :D!!!

No Shade Shaming going on THIS hike and even total support of full hoodies, big giant hats, and UMBRELLA USE as well. Its so very nice to be understood! We even coordinated avoiding each other’s umbrellas while hiking uphill!! No explanations needed! Take it from a redhead, let us cover up! Its mandatory!

After that was some fun and then home for another Malibu walk because its beyond beautiful out. She got her step as well! Check her OUT! My beautiful talented GIRL!


#1790

Today
pull ups x 10
sand bag carry 75# x 1 min
dead sled carry estimated wt around 190# x 5 mins 30 seconds- a few regrips
sand bag carry 100# x 5 mins 30 seconds
oh carry the baby log (33#) x 2 mins 30 seconds
zercher carry the empty yoke - unsure the wt x 50 feet x 2 trips
pull ups x 5
bottom up kb over head one armed waiters walk 15# x100 feet each arm, 25# x 5 feet each arm
zercher carry 88# x 200 feet, then clean grip x 200 feet then oh carry it x 200 feet - did 2 of these circuits

seated db clean and press 10’s x 15, 7.5’s x 15 x 2 sets
triceps x 20

Malibu Rain Walk!


#1791

More and more epiphanies too. Wednesday! Its been great that this is coming together!
Dissolve, dissolve, dissolve this issue.

I had been beating myself in a way that it was taking me so long. The more I read about things , the advice is reliably “let it go”, " move on". No.

The issue was not going to go away, that is why it is ( hopefully was, more “was” everyday) still circling like a track in my mind. The issue was a symptom - not the core problem. I was the problem.

This will not be necessarily something you can follow but I’m writing it anyways because it helps me. Nothing is a magical accident when it comes to my personal life. That is the truth. Things that are bad that happened did for a reason and I am part of that. I’m at least half of it. The reason is a core problem that I did not figure out until last year with the Self Authoring exercise. Its not some coincidence the bad parts of my life happened, it was me.

I think in reality the person I am mad at lately is myself. I let myself down. I did not defend myself when I KNEW what was going on was an insult to me. I let it pass by multiple times. I saw the signs multiple times. That does not take away any blame from the person who said the things they did and did the things they did to put me down any less of a fucking asshole. I am so mad I didn’t act how I knew I needed to.

I regret that I did not defend myself soon enough. I regret not only that I did not take the opportunity to right a wrong, I did not do my DUTY to my own self confidence to tell a mother fucker off like they rightly deserved. I just stood there while injustice happened. I let it happen.

I SAW it happen, and I didn’t the right thing about it. I let some fantasy story play in my mind of “this really isn’t what it is , is it?” play. I over estimated someones level of value for me big time. That was conceded of me. I did myself a massive disservice relying on that assumption. I am paying for that slip of ego still today as I am wiring this.

It wasn’t someone beating me or cheating on me. There is a real dark honesty in that kinda of situation since you know for sure someone is destroying your self esteem and your body. Someone threatening your life is another page of terror and it deserves to be.

Puts downs instead are a slimy level of veiled, cowardly passive aggression that someone can still hide behind and explain away that they are not being openly cruel to another person. I’ve been through all of these stupid situations, I put myself in the situation to be in each of these kinds of interactions. My marriage being all three together.

Why was I thins way? My self worth. Its not a value to put others feelings and needs above yours when its a disservice to you. I have done this. It makes me a good nurse as an occupation, and when I am around like minded individuals its very fulfilling and a self serving circle of good feedback and feelings- but not everyone is like me! I made an assumption that someone was, I think the best of people that I want to think the best of a lot of times and I make excuses for them.

Its not a high trait or virtuous when you are dealing with the entire world. Its at the lower end being weak, its at the higher end being malevolent to YOU. You are not having your own back.

I got a lot of praise for that trait- putting others needs and wants and feelings first- by both good and bad sources. The good feedback being from people who deserve care and need that extra help that I can give . The bad being people who took advantage of it or liked it so much because they got a lot out of it. Meanwhile , who’s looking out for me? I certainly was not. I was a bad nurse to myself! That is a really shitty thing to do! Self Disrespect! Its not good at all.

Ok, so I can see that. Why was I this way? I know I am not a mean person so that’s not it, I wasn’t being actively mean to myself.

It was because I had no value, I had a negative value in my mind. So I triaged other’s needs as being higher then my own worth because that was how it was in my mind. Why? I don’t have a time machine to go searching through my childhood or whatever to pin point the day that started happening in my mind. It doesn’t matter either because I can’t change the past.

The symptom of this problem of self worth/self guilt and punishment were basically every bad situation in my life. They kept happening because I did not address this core problem. But now, I figured out the problem! And I have changed my position on my self worth completely. I state facts about myself and facts are facts so they have power.

I have also become aware of the person I presented myself as to others before I made this change in my personal value. I didn’t go about actively telling people “oh hey, I will put with stupid shit because I don’t think I deserve a good person. or that I’d be rejected if I asked for the things I want.” I was irresistible to anyone who has a need for what I offered which was anything I could give. I gave ready excuses to them I gave more chances they I should have.

As an employee, that change of enforcing my self value happened faster once I left a toxic work place. The willingness to work all the hours a job needed, to do all the hardest chores, to be the hardest worker and available when no one else is stepping up stopped sooner in my work place life than in my real personal life. It shows that I am more practical in my work mind vs personal life.

I saw being the best pushover at a job got me nowhere as at that place. Literally no where and after 7 years I made less then others who just started. My last clinic was one where all employees got the same treatment of being easily replaced whether you were exemplary or not. You could be a wonderful, fantastic, bad ass, dependable tech and you would be treated just like the one who has a terrible attitude or pushes jobs off to others.

Or most frustratingly some people got favored for reasons that truly did not earn just because they did who knows what to someone in a power position. Or for unknown reasons you could never figure out or have a hope of emulating to get the validation you deserved just by doing the good work that you already where doing. I left the toxic job and found a great one that gave me a confidence in my skills- skills I already had, that I earned as a fact.

I let myself be de-valued at my old clinic, but not anymore at my current job. I let myself be de-vauled in my personal life.

The person I have been arguing with and having imaginary confrontations with on walks or driving does not exist. I know that now. That person I was in a relationship all that time, was not even anyone I knew at all. At the end it became clear it was a stranger this whole time, someone who doesn’t even exist in my mind because I never knew them.

I have been yelling at this person in my mind saying " HEY! Take responsibility for hurting me! Take responsibility for the things you said to me! Take responsibility for what you have accused me of !! Take responsibility for hurting me when I did nothing to deserve it! Apologize to me for hurting me!"

“Wait a minute. what you did was wrong!” That person I was yelling at, doesn’t exist as its not possible to negotiate with a manipulator. You can’t argue with them, you can’t win, you can’t enlighten them. They don’t play by the rules, they don’t play by any rules. The person I was in a relationship with was not REAL but an actor. It was a facade and the mask fell every time there was a conflict and the jerk showed up.

I should be mad at myself for falling for it all and I am. I was a sucker! Now I know that I have in fact been yelling at myself instead, “Hey! You shouldn’t have let that happen! What happen was wrong! You should have defended me! Take responsibility for not avenging my honor!”

“Apologize for hurting me!” is what I need to say to myself. That I am sorry I let this happen to myself - again. That I did not deserve to be put down and blamed and I should have stood up sooner and defended myself.


#1792

Then there’s THIS girl!!



#1793

That’s the saddest story. It takes such strength to go through that (& the poor dog of course) and to continue on.

Ooof zerchers, I can still feel the bruises coming back after all these years.


#1794

That was a very insightful, intelligent analysis of your inner self. I have followed your log for several years because I have always respected your hard work. From your comments, I know you are a very caring individual. In my line of work, that is a rarity, and I respect that quality every time I encounter it. Listen, I preach self reliance and situational awareness over on the Combat Forum, but those two items take many forms. Just remember, you don’t have to be in a lethal situation to know that defending yourself takes many avenues. Remember this in the future as you walk your path:

self%20defense


#1795

It was sad!!! :frowning: And very graphic too…:frowning:

Zerchers!! WELL… I admit that that I use the pussy pad when I go anything heavier then around 135#. I’m not that hardcore!


#1796

Thank you! I really appreciate your words! I even stole your motto of “STAY SHARP!” and use it!!


#1797

Today
Malibu Snow Walk!


#1798

Today
pull ups x 9
log clean once strict press reps 67x5, 77x5, 90x6 x 5 sets
fs 45x10, 135x3, 165x2, 185, 200, 205x5 x 4 sets, 205x4, 185x8 x 2 sets, 185x7
pull ups x 8
3 circuits of :

  • db oh press reps/oh hold steps 5/5,4/4, 3/3, 2/2, 1/1 started with 17.5’s, next set 20’s, next set 22.5’s
  • t bar bent over rows 97x8
  • rear delts x 15

That’s it! I have figured out another problem to fix. My right arm is indeed weaker then my left. I noticed today that I do a weird pull in with my right elbow when I’m doing oh log press. Its akin to a bit of knee cave on a squat I’d say.

I might have whaky circulation issue too, raynard’s was going on rightie and NOT leftie today during fs. Here’s a fancy example for those who have no idea what i’m talking about from my right hand today- its vasoconstriction to extremities that can be caused by cold temperatures or some mysterious circulation thing that no one knows why it happens.

I guess it could be my rack position for fs?

Luckily I have zero ego on oh pressing! I know I am not ever going to be super strong on it so whatever wt is really whatever wt in my head. I will fix this with light reps and correct form. Hopefully it doesn’t take as long as other form corrections on other lifts. Like my front squat! Those however are indeed looking better! And I am proud of the improvement.

It could be the log’s handle spacing itself , but I noticed when I tried some incline benching on a actual bench with db’s that righty’s is way weaker, and I scrunch up on it as well with those. On the to do list- fix that.


#1799

Here’s set 3 of 205 x5 fs. Getting there.


#1800

Today
pull ups x 4
dead lifts 45x10, 135x3, 185, 225, 255, 280, 300, 315
stepmill x 20 mins faster
ball up kb oh head carry waiter’s walks 8kg x 100 feet x 2 trips per arm, 10kg x about 80 feet one trip /arm

Fine I guess! Got the stepmill in so that’s a check off my weekly to-do list. Mandatory stepmill mental discipline :{ TRULY it is.


#1801

Fearsome lifts, especially that 405 rack pull. Dogs aren’t bad either


#1802

Thank you!!! :D!!!


#1803

Today
pull ups x 9
sand bag carry 75# x 1 minute, 150# x 300 feet x 2 trips
log clean once strict press reps 67x5, 77x5
mens log clean once strict press reps 85# x5 x 4 sets, 85x4
bell up over head kb waiters walks 15# / 200 feet per arm, 25# x 100 feet/arm
t bar carry x 50 feet dl x 5 reps carry x 50 feet dl x 5 reps 167#, 187#, 207#
t bar dl x 5 reps carry x 100 feet then dl x 5 reps 227#, 247#, 267#
t bar dl x 3 reps carry x 100 feet dl x 3 reps 287#
kb oh press bell up 5#x5/arm, 10#x 5/arm, 15# x 5/arm
bell up over head kb waiters walks again 25# x 100 feet / arm
prowler plus 90# low handle push 50 feet/high handle push back x 50 feet x 5 mins 45 seconds moderate pace

3 circuits of:

  • rear delts x 15-20 ( its a machine so wt was 15 pounds on the machine)
  • triceps x 10-20
  • claw grip seated rows x 12

Nice!

I think I’ve figured out the foot thing, where I wake up multiple times in the night from aching feet…as hear and there I have been having calve cramps as well. It feels like there is a knot in my calve, like a big knot. I was sitting in my chair Monday and scrunching my toes and got a killer cramp too, charlie horse style in my foot. I think I have been deficient in my diet on potassium or something.

A buddy of mine has some strange genetic malabsorptive issue. Its some type of kidney malfunctioning/ electrolyte flushing disease where she will get super depleted of magnesium and potassium. She gets arrhythmia’s from it but also cramps! She told me that for her she gets cramps starting in her feet and calves, then hands and eyelids.

I’ve not been eating my veggies! I went from around a pound of veggeis daily to none, so that would make sense. Time line as well fits. My reasoning for cutting the vast volume of veggies being that they were bloating my gut out a bit. Nothing bad, just bloated and a bit rooty tooty.

OH well! I’d rather bloat out then rip up a muscle having deleted electrolytes! I’m contently single, it doesn’t matter if I am Tooty Brutie! HA HA!! ALSO I work with dogs 85% of my work day- most of whom have some type of gi distress too so…they are very forgiving of toots. :slight_smile:

I have been a bit lax on my meals being exhausted and tired. I bet my recovery- being exhausted and tiredness- issue is from not eating the right stuff too. That will be fixed!