She must be really smart if she has learned so much already. She is probably just happy to be with Brute!
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Thanks for sharing your journaling experiences. I’m so happy for ya, and impressed. That’s some really positive, life-changing stuff there. Cool deal, Brutiful. I’m trying to look at my shadow more. It’s hard work. And we all have behaviors, habits, ways of interacting or coping that we’d like to improve. Beautiful inside and out.
And congrats on the new fur baby. Sweet.
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She is CLEVER!!! Next step is teaching her to shake!
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Thanks Puff! :)!!! I really appreciate it!! :)!!!
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Today
pull ups a set of 10
log clean once strict press reps 67x5, 77x5, 87x5, with leg drive 97x5, 107x4 ← I think? I forgot the wts
clean once strict press reps 77x8, x7, x6, 5, x5 ss with 4 pull ups
stone loads higher loading platform 107x5, 140x5
sand bag carries 150# x 300 feet
t bar dead x 2 reps carry 100 feet with 315# x a total pf 4 trips, 295# x same x 2 trips, 2 trips with 275#
carry the 150# bag back to its place x 100 feet
That’s it! Today could be a disaster or it could be fine. You never know with the holidays for my job. My clinic has people who normally do not work my department working it since my department is never closed- I care for the hospitalized patients.
Usually this means chaos however this year it finally was figured out there should be the most of the normal crew who knows the way to run the place there for the shift so its not a total wreck… its July and that means baby intern vets who are fresh from graduation with a diploma but no clinic experience–its always a “fun” time. Everything takes 5 times as long since they are new and are tentative or they are new and don’t listen to advice etc…
Then there is the predictable factor of bully techs trying to show the newbie dr’s who’s boss and just being douche bags for their own egos making shit take twice as long since they do their weird hazing. Meanwhile patients need care. That’s where I swoop in and just get it done. I can be conceited about this because I do get taken for granted sometimes so I’ve paid for this compliment with my own toil.
Yesterday was a full house. At least it usually goes fast.
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It always comes down to one person to do this! The world needs more people like you!
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HA! Thanks Chicken! Today went ok ! Had a lot of people with fresh and great attitudes helping the patients today! Good thing too because I was trapped in isolation most of the day being the nurse for a sad 11 week old lil leptospirosis puppy and sad 5 week old parvo pooper—but they were alive when I left. That’s all you can celebrate sometimes.
Tonight 
3 mile Malibu walk
Another wonderful welcome to my weekend walk with my GIRL! Forth of July walk in the summery almost green tinted raining sky with wafts of bbq grilled meat from whoever was cooking :)!
And some misc cracky popper fireworks some hoser was firing off in my apartment complex before the sun even set.
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Today
fs 45x3, 135, 175, 195, 210, 225
180x12, 180x5 x 2 sets
double over hand/non hook grip dls 45x3, 135x3, 185x3 x 10 sets
clean grip reverse alternating lunges total reps 45x5, 95x10, 115x10, 135x8
anderson zerchers 45x5, 135, 185, 225x5 x 4 sets
zercher reverse alternating lunges total reps 45x5, 95x10, 115x10, 135x8
full rom zercher squats 45x5, 135, 175, 195, 205 static hold x 20 seconds with 225
stepmill x 20 mins
3 mile Mlaibu walk!
NOTE to self: tip for tbar carries that worked this week - lead with your belly button. Helped keep me upright.
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Hijacking your log for a minute.
@ shadow work. I’ve been pondering this a lot. Please pardon some of the religious context. I think this applies to all of us. I’ve been thinking a lot about my own pride, and realizing that some of the things I didn’t think of as pride, probably are. See number 2, especially.
Also, I’ve realized that when I’m offended by something, it’s often my own pride that is hurt. I’m not as meek or humble as I’d like to be. I think sometimes when someone is easily offended/ hurt, that quality makes everyone else walk on egg shells around them. It’s the opposite of being meek and lowly of heart, where we are able to have self-control or restraint when we feel hurt. Also, that I care too much about what other people think. I know you’ve been studying JP, and he uses Christ as this example. He’s not angry or vengeful when wronged, he’s full of peace. Not a doormat, but in control of his emotion. Meekness and humility are not a weakness, they are character strengths. I’m working on developing more of that, and so far it’s an exercise in failure!! But I’m still trying, Brute.
Just letting you know that I find your progress encouraging.
/ hijack.
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PUFF!! I can definitely see the corollaries! I agree, a lot of things I once thought as weak or even as strong are the opposite depending on what part of myself it serves or denies. There are a lot of examples that are tricky that way!
And you don’t need to pardon anything for me with the religious stuff, I am Catholic myself and I also respect the religious thoughts of others. I think human life should be honored in that it IS bigger then us humans who are living in our bodies. I believe we all are far more then a biological organisms but a possess souls too.
For what its worth I think you are a wonderful PUFF now, AND I am excited for the people who get to be around the EVEN BETTER PUFF who you are working on!!!
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Yes. It’s been kind of an eye-opener, and not in a fun way. Work.
Whew. Good. I’m hijacking your log , and I was a little worried, but I haven’t been able to stop thinking about that article. It just flipped a switch in me. Total light bulb moment. Then you talking about discovering things about yourself, attempting to get sorted, made me want to share it. Thank you.
Thank you, Brutiful. I appreciate the kind words so much. It’s been helpful to me to hear you share about your journaling/ self-authoring project.
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I have been trying to remember one of my WHOA moments of reading something too! I can’t remember it exactly but the gist was “There is nothing virtuous to be a victim of a tyrant. …You can be the tyrant to yourself” something like that. THAT was a hit to the solar plexsis.
What made ME think I could be the judge of what my value on the earth was? What made my own opinion of my physical existence be the correct one??
I thought I was born as a negative existence as long as I can remember. I felt that my being alive was a drain to the world. I’m not joking and I don’t think anyone evver told me this, I think I put it in my own head as a child. I am the last of 10 kids, and an unexpected twin at that so i can see maybe it from there but I can’t for the life of me recall or get any idea how this thought came about of being not worthless, but a burden to existence. I’d get sick over it as a young young child and racked with guilt, there are examples and stories I could share but the main concept its been a life long thing.
In the most basic of my thoughts I felt I had to pay for my existence in every way, that every part of me was a bill I had to pay daily. Food being part of that too, you don’t deserve to eat, exercise being a part of that too- you have to pay for being alive by depriving yourself and also by excessive exertion constantly. The widdling away to a smaller physical body was not the plan nor the proceeding anorexia nervosa that came next it was the result of a bunch of cascading self mantras that led there. I liked feeling less. I liked feeling empty and feeling thin. It made me feel less anxious guilt ridden dread about my existence if I did not take up as much physical space on the planet.
Sounds so sad so “she is disgusted with herself, that’s so sad for her”, but also what made ( makes still sometimes) me think I was right to act on this?? That I was above whatever force created me just how I am that I knew better then that force?? That creates life?? Who do I think I am?! That I knew better???!! That is in a way an ego trip! The tyrant thinks she is right!
When I thought of it that way the mantra I had forever was thrown on its ear. It changed the entire framework of how I could combat this shadow self. I still goes back and forth-- which side of me am I serving??
Another big thing was being truthful. I don’t and haven’t ever gone about lying to people but I have had ways of deceiving myself to let me off the hook when I don’t want to face things or letting other deceive me, making excuses for things etc. Being truthful is simple and not hard. It is uncomfortable to say-- A LOT…
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Just wow. Brutiful, that’s some insightful stuff looking back on your own life, and sorting out misperceptions from your childhood. Talk about some painful growth to figure that out. And here you were trying to take up less space. I would have never guessed that because when I first came to TN, all I could see was this tall, athletic, strong woman doing things I didn’t know women could do! @ realizing it was a form of pride or ego, when it looks like the opposite. Exactly. I relate. Also, about trying to not lie to myself about what my motives are, or as a way to protect myself, or make myself think I’m better than I am. For sure. That’s quite the twist in the way you were thinking, your perception of what is real, or true.
Mine aren’t tied to my childhood or body image stuff, but there’s certainly some common ground. Misperceptions about what makes us worthy, or of value. Our closest relationships seem to have a way of shining a light on our flaws. I have to care what someone thinks for me to get offended by them. Without further hijacking your log, mine are more related to being able to take criticism without getting really discouraged, and with not being offended. Being able to step back and realize that maybe the criticism is legit. And that’s almost always coming from someone in my family. I think family is where we work out most of our issues, because they’re the people who know us well. I have kids who are trying to be their own individuals now, differentiating themselves from me. A good thing, but can feel like rejection, if that makes sense.
I think of the Radiohead lyrics. “I want a perfect body. I want a perfect soul.” So, we work on both of those things. Not perfection, but lifting heavy things can be a metaphor.
Love to you, Brutiful.
Puff
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Today
pull ups- a set of 8
swiss bar bench 35x5, 65x5, 85x5, 95x5, 100x4
65x20, closer grip 65x10 x 2 sest ss with pull ups x 4
camber bar oh press empty (80#) x 10, 90x5, 85x5 x 3 sets, 80x9
sand bag carries 150# x 200’, 200# x 100 feet x 3 trips, 200# x 137 feet ( not sure if this is a distance pr or not)
rigshaw empty (85#) x 50 feet, 195# x 50’, 305x 50’,415 x 50’, 435# x 50 feet, 465# x 15 feet maybe- pleased my grip tolerated this after not doing rigshaw for months and months, wt might be a pr.
sand bag loads to high platform ( about collarbone height) 150# x 10, 150# x 5,150# x 3- not fast loads but deliberate
claw grip rows ss with superman back extensions 4 x10 wt’s for rows up to 130 on the cable thingie
3 mile MALIBUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU walk :D!!! Man I’m so happy I can say that!! Its such a perfect way to put a cap on the lifting/exertions for the day !!!
I am going to learn to teach her to shake paws! I’ve never done that before with a dog and I LOVE meeting dogs who shake! Its a real treat! Here’s to me being a decent teacher so my girl has advantages My Mossi never could have had – being socially interspecies inviting!
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Thank you Puff!!! :)!!! I appreciate your LOVE!!! :)!!!
EDIT: I should say you were not wrong about me when you first logged in on TN. By that time lifting had given me a LOT of positive self confidence and pride ( in a good way!) ! As well as fun and an outlet for my stress and anxieties. Having the eating disorder past complicates things in ways but it never made it LESS of a fucking fantastic way of life as a person who is a lifter.
I still did feel gigantic a lot and still do get a rush when I feel like I’ve lost weight however now I get the idea of wanting to be bigger to be able to move more wt and your body as a tool for your advantage in your sport.
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Today- 3.4 mile Malibu walk
There are TON of strongman meets every weekend it seems my god! I am not going to do meets but there are so many to look at and see events for my wt class. This weekend is the Canadian Arnold with Brian Shaw and a 2,000 pound wheel barrel event?? WHAT?? HA HA !!!
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Today
dead lifts 45x10, 135x2, 185, 225, 265, 305, 325x3
265x8 x 3 sets
emom fs 175x3 x 10 sets
sandbag carries 200# x60 feet, 200# x 100 feet x 4 trips, 200# x 40 feet
claw grip rows 4x10
superman bacj extensions x20
mp battery died! Made it thorough dl’s but that was that. It does throw me off, I LOVE my jams! I’m not that hardcore to not be effected if The Prodigy stops while I’m lifting. NO WAY!
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at home pull ups a set of 10
Tonight- 3 mile Malibu walk
Its been roughly a month having MY GIRL! She continues to do GREAT! First vet visit to my job for vaccines and a nail trim went easy peasy.
I slept in today instead of lifting before work and it helped me feel less run down. SLEEP! It’s been so HOT my sleep has been less then ideal.
I had a performance review today which went very well. I also am employee of the month! I LOVE compliments!!! especially when its over my work as a tech which is hard and even better to get props from people who know just how hard it is! I think my job really suits me, I’m lucky!!
Welcome to the Weeknd Malibu Walk capped a busy but boosting work week off :)!!!
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So happy you found Malibu! Even happier that she is such a good girl!
Employee of the Month! Congratulations!
I think you deserve a new strong woman toy!
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