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You can post some pics like Girlgotguns and others had done in the past., and your friends at T-Nation will let you know how you are doing. .

With your impresive lifts I¨m sure you can¨t be on the wrong track!

Best regards!


trtoldman!! I think this WT is all in my butt. I’m ok showing the internet a back picture,or a tattoo here and there but no way am I sharing much else!

Definitely more junk in my trunk, not sure if it’s “side ass” development or just my hormones being out of wack and fluffy…or yeah. I’d like to see it transfer to strength but the strength is just not there- its ok but no big gains due to the wt gain.

I’m an emotional lifter, when things line up right again for me I should have a better body composition and be stronger as long as I don’t hurt myself. Or be content enough not to hyper focus on things. I gotta be patient and give myself some slack.

Or, it could just be a bit of Strongman POWER HIPS!!! Sure!!! HA HA!! I don’t look like these guys yet so that’s a plus…:wink:Capture%20_2018-05-01-17-57-05

My hips are healthy too! My hammstring tear let’s itself not be forgotten and will ache occasionally but is healing up ok. I could be this poor dog who’s femoral head fractured off and jammed into BOTH sides of his pelvis!! Or my poor sister’s dog with terrible hip dysplasia. Yeah, I’m ok with mine!


In other news Sunday I took a walk on the trail behind my apartments, and low and behold my field is BACK!! JUST IN TIME FIR SUMMER CARRIES!!!

It’s much bigger now. No idea which part I can use for handles or the t bar I had stored in my closet if I feel like going light and long for carries, but for sure that sandbag in my car is getting busted out there! So excited to see this! Long walks in the park, hugging the shit outta my sandbag buddy!!!



I understand those are your dogs “transparencys”, hahaha…


trtoldman- yep!

log clean strict press for reps 67# x 5, 77# x 5, 87# x3, push press/leg drive reps 102x3, 107x3, 117, might have done 122 not sure x 1
t bar carries 237#- dead lift the bar x 4 reps then carry x100 feet x 6 trips no stop, then x 4 more trips with about 20 second break in between go’s
stone loads to a higher height, about to my collar bone 107x5, 140x5, 167, then normal lower height ( 48 inches) x 205 x 1

Its been a while since I’ve done push press stuff and I am a bit loose in it. I was pleased with what I could get done. I think I might have more in me if I can get solid in my trunk more an get the leg drive more too.

The deadlift/carry combo is tough! I’l do that again for sure!


That is a nice looking park! Glad you will be able to use it!
Those carries sounded TOUGH!
Can’t imagine how hard that log press is.


Thank @ChickenLittle chicken! The log however is FAR easier to press then a straight bar! BIG TIME!

I bet you could rock it out! If you have a rack with safeties to use and your own t-bar I highly suggest using it as a pressing bar! Its so much easier on your wrist and you can really dip down under and drive that bar up with the grip being neutral vs a normal barbell.

I can’t do it with my tbar or the turbo gyms because it wt’s too much and is extra long at 77 or 80 pounds. But a lot of tbars are 55# which is what 24 hour fitness’s bar probably is. Based on your mp numbers I bet you could probably do with some futzing even if its just stand under and lock your arms out and hold it up like an oh carry. Here’s the idea:

This is a MASSIVE trap bar though in the video.
here’s a tnation thread on cool t bar stuff!

I love my trap bar. I have one at either gym so I use theirs. I do forget how versatile it is! For people with wild elbows like me its great for rows, so much to use it on.


For sure. Thanks for the link. I hadn’t seen that, and I’ve never done single leg work with one. Something to try. I like RDLs with it a lot.

LOL At dog x-rays! I was looking, and looking, and thinking… Wait a minute, these are your hips!!! Lol. Very funny. Not the injury. Haha.


PUFF! YEAH!!! I haven’t tried the single leg stuff now that you mention it…those I could actually do at my house… :D!!!

a set of 20 push ups
fs 45x5, 135x4, 170x8 x 5 sets
sand bag carries #150# x 215 feet x 2 trips
frame carry empty (200#) x 50 feet, 300# x 50’, 340#x 50’, 380# x 50’, 420# x 50 ’
more sand bag carries #150 x 215 feet x 2 trips
swiss bar bench empty (35#) x 10, 55# x 5, 75# x3, 85# x 5, 95# x 5, 105# x 3, 110# x 3 maybe? forgot 85# x 5 x 2 sets, 90# x 5 x 3 sets
last sand bag carry 150# x 215 feet
a set of 8 pull ups
high zercher gm’s from safeties/ropes 45x5, 95# x 10, 135# x5, 185#x5
cool claw grip cable attachment rows 5 x10 ss with back extensions 5x15

A good party lifting day! I AM PLEASED! Its been forever since I did the frame! I’m glad I could get this, its not a PR but it was a happy surprise I could do it! :slight_smile:

I also took a video of my pull ups. A compare and contrast…from oh…a long time ago when I first trained to get one pull up. I still am so thrilled, every pull up is a goal I had really wanted to do and achieved.

This morning I woke myself up with a INCREDULOUS amounts of self shit talking/disgust- truly it woke me up from my sleep. I can’t really apologize for the amount of inner turmoil I’m spilling in my log these days because its totally on purpose- to spread the shit OUT of my head. I know its wild, I don’t care if its viewed as weak or in questionable taste, and I know its my shadow self creeping through and kicking me while I am down.

And I am DOWN! HA! I can laugh because what else is there to do?! I had some episodes of major anxiety manifestations in my body the last few weeks. Sudden really sharp feelings of total despair, acute choking/suffocation like feelings, dizziness, just full on bad shit attack shit. I can talk myself through because its helpful to know its real but also something that happens to normal people in hard times in their lives- for whatever the cause is.

This shadow self shit talking body disgust old dysphoric/dysmorphic perception shit is the creeper under my bed. Since I’m down it shows up. I’m sharing it because it truly helps to write it out. I know its not logical and even if it is its not a good way to think, its a demon I have and I’ve learned addressing it as what it is is immensely helpful.

ALSO helpful to know is that I have achieved things. They are not perfect but they are better!
No sure if the first video will show up, it might be private so I’l have to change that if it doesn’t.

I can tell the difference at least!


Another goal of mine is to be more like this 1,000 year old toothless cat cat who was on of my patients. This reaction was from me looking in her direction …I’m not looking to be mean but I am looking to tell creeper shadow self to FUCK OFF!!! Even if I am down on the normal defenses, I ain’t got NO TIME fo that!

And a 200# bag carriy from monday


Sorry about your shadow self talking shit. I have anxiety issues and know how difficult that can be.
I don’t have a squat rack with safties, but when I get mine put back together I can give it a try.
Love the cat! A couple I know have one like that. I pretty sure she hates the fact that I breath air…lol


Thanks Chicken! I hope you can try the tbar pressin someday, I think you’d like it

Yesterday- 3.8 mile walk in the HOT 12p time

Today- 5 mile walk in the overcast, super green everything that grows atmosphere. Might do some more, I have a few misc errands to run about doin.


Stepmill x 20 mins
Cable rows 5x10, some heavy low rep up to 160


It helps me to write it all out too !! Most of my log is a dump for my demons as most people here know.
It’s nice to have a place to put it at least .

I find my nit picky, body hate shit is hormonal. IE: two weeks out of the month I’ll make up crazy shit about my body to hate and it will give me panic attacks all night long. Really dumb stuff too like my rear delts are fucked and too tight and appear all clumped together or winging scapula and I’m so imperfect blah blah. Then other times I literally forget all about it.
Take heart, you are not alone .



I would end up bringing one home


THANKS SPOCK!!! I think you are right about the hormones for sure as part of it, I have to track the time things get wild in my head again…luckily these wonderful tnation logs is the time date stamp!

And thank you some more, I really appreciate NOT FEELING ALONE!!! :{ I’m lonely enough right now in my life having a different circumstance than I’ve had in a while. I dropped some friends who were no longer healthy people to be friends with, I’m super single- without a dog to talk to! My family is in fighting amoungst all my sisters… Feeling like a emotional psychosomatic roller coaster is alienating!

I am at the point ( which I have a feeling will last a while) where I really struggle to see when this will get dramatically better or even where it was before, though I know it will. I got to get through it. I can still walk, I can go to work, but its not …it ain’t right with me these days.

I am grasping at straws of what is currently my self esteem. Its mortifying and also I am afraid of exposing myself in my current down state to bad things unknowingly–I’ve done that before! DO I hide and cover and wait to emerge when I have my amour back, or do I climb out naked and afraid and risk it all over again to fall down those stairs all over? MMhf.

This writing stuff does help though! I’m looking forward to reading this when i’m over this hump and in a better place. I don’t really expect any type of answer or advise really, I just want to document it.

2B!!! Those puppies in that particular basket run anywhere from $2,000-4,000 (THOUSAND!) bucks! I don’t know why one would be half the price of the others , maybe the colors Frenchies are now the most popular breed of newly adopted or purchased dogs!


I’ve done that too recently with regards to dropping friends!! I’ve gotten rid of quite a few toxic people since the beginning of this year and it is difficult at times to feel alone , but I know in the long run it will make me feel MUCH happier.


If it helps the mirrors at my usual gym are OK. We’ve got an agreement. But out of the ones at ballet class…oy. Studio 11 has one set I get on with and another that hates me. Also a weird little pillar in the wall that means I get to see half of myself and not the other…very odd.


SPOCK! UGH. The hard part for me of dropping friends who are not good for me is realizing why I let those relationships hang around sometimes for many years in the first place. Not the most proud of moments coming to terms my part in it. :{

HA! thatguyagain! I agree!! There are definitely enemy mirrors around…and trickster kiss ass ones too like at Target in the dressing rooms EVERYTHING looks cute but at home its a disaster!

Today- I couldn’t get out of bed before work today. Kinda lucked out t was a lower percentage day so I’d be annoyed to drive to the turbo gym to do it. Lifted after work which always seems like a decent idea but always feels wrong and off. I wanted to feel fairly productive and I did what iw as supposed to.

dead lifts 45x5, 135x3, 185x2, 205x3 x 5 sets
fs 45x3, 145x3 x 5 sets
full rom zercher squats 45x3, 95x3, 115x3, 135x3 x 5 sets
a set of 8 rock climber grip pull ups
cable rows 5x10 ss with push ups 10, 8, 8, 10
drove to the park, did some sand bag carires 150# bag x distance ( no idea, I’d guess 2 trips of 100feet)
That’s it.

My sand bag is not as broken in as the turbo gym ones, and took me a LOT of tried to lift it! Also being in the afternoon…ugh…I am pretty useless trying to lift anytime except first thing in the morning. Never works out well.


log clean once strict press reps 67# x10, 77# x 8 x 3 sets
clean push press up 87#, 97#, 107#, 117#, 122#
stone loads 107# x 6, 140# x 6, 167# x 3, 205 x 1
tbar deadlift 4 reps then carry 100 feet 257# x totoal of 8 trips/sets of dl’s
tried the chamber bar for fs empty x a few

Yesterday I woke up in the night to a late text, I didn’t check it. In the morning I did and it was my buddy who telling me he found a puppy who ran in to his arms outside his house! He was asking questions of what to do.

Found by his place which is a skecthy neighborhood and it was a pitty mix, chances are its not chipped or vaccinated and about to get parvo…so I tell him this…and he asks if I want it? my Heart

I tell him no, I’m not ready yet. I ask if he is going to keep it…he says YES. So he takes the dog to see if its chipped-- its not, he goes to a vet and gets it vaccinated. Later that day the owner shows up and he gave him back.

I told he for sure saved that dog with vaccines if nothing else and I felt bad for up and down heartache over all this only to give him back. He then asked if I wanted to go to the shelter and find a dog for him.

He had put down 2 dogs in the tine I’ve known him, and also over the last bit of the years lost his other dogs who went to go live with an ex. I asked if he is serious, if he’s finally ready for another dog? He told me “This brief encounter let me see --my heart isn’t broken, it works just fine!”

Exactly what I needed to hear. :slight_smile: