Broken Will

[quote]Benway wrote:
I appreciate all of the responses. I guess I should go into this a little deeper in order to explain better.

For those who say it’s a mental health issue - I do have a very different mental outlook than most. To me, it seems like we’re all just a bunch of cells on a big rock. Assigning any personal significance to the things around me just seems like complete folly and a prelude to disappointment… and yet at the same time that’s most of what life is.

I used to have a lot of anxiety about my own mortality - the idea of not existing gave me SO much anxiety that I would literally have panic attacks about five minutes long on an almost daily basis.

I think my way of getting over that was just to shut down my ego and all of the thoughts in my head telling me I’m more than a bunch of molecules. However, that outlook has basically caused me to stop caring about anything. So conquering my fear of not existing has basically led me into a state where I feel like I’m not doing much besides existing.

Has anyone else experienced anything like that? I’d like to be able to find some balance where I could put things in perspective when I needed to, but at the same time be able to care about the things going on around me.

The best way for me to describe it is that it feels like I’m always comparing myself and my surroundings to the universe, and it all just seems so inconsequential.[/quote]

Yes and it turned out I had clinical depression LOL… seriously though I dont think that at least seeing a psych once or twice would hurt at all… its always good to have a another perspective on things especially when that person will not be judging for what you say. Something to think about maybe. Good luck.

[quote]MikeyKBiatch wrote:
Benway wrote:
I appreciate all of the responses. I guess I should go into this a little deeper in order to explain better.

For those who say it’s a mental health issue - I do have a very different mental outlook than most. To me, it seems like we’re all just a bunch of cells on a big rock. Assigning any personal significance to the things around me just seems like complete folly and a prelude to disappointment… and yet at the same time that’s most of what life is.

I used to have a lot of anxiety about my own mortality - the idea of not existing gave me SO much anxiety that I would literally have panic attacks about five minutes long on an almost daily basis.

I think my way of getting over that was just to shut down my ego and all of the thoughts in my head telling me I’m more than a bunch of molecules. However, that outlook has basically caused me to stop caring about anything. So conquering my fear of not existing has basically led me into a state where I feel like I’m not doing much besides existing.

Has anyone else experienced anything like that? I’d like to be able to find some balance where I could put things in perspective when I needed to, but at the same time be able to care about the things going on around me.

The best way for me to describe it is that it feels like I’m always comparing myself and my surroundings to the universe, and it all just seems so inconsequential.

Yes and it turned out I had clinical depression LOL… seriously though I dont think that at least seeing a psych once or twice would hurt at all… its always good to have a another perspective on things especially when that person will not be judging for what you say. Something to think about maybe. Good luck.[/quote]

As a therapist told me. They can be that light house that helps you get your bearing.

[quote]Benway wrote:
I appreciate all of the responses. I guess I should go into this a little deeper in order to explain better.

For those who say it’s a mental health issue - I do have a very different mental outlook than most. To me, it seems like we’re all just a bunch of cells on a big rock. Assigning any personal significance to the things around me just seems like complete folly and a prelude to disappointment… and yet at the same time that’s most of what life is.

I used to have a lot of anxiety about my own mortality - the idea of not existing gave me SO much anxiety that I would literally have panic attacks about five minutes long on an almost daily basis. I think my way of getting over that was just to shut down my ego and all of the thoughts in my head telling me I’m more than a bunch of molecules.

However, that outlook has basically caused me to stop caring about anything. So conquering my fear of not existing has basically led me into a state where I feel like I’m not doing much besides existing.

Has anyone else experienced anything like that? I’d like to be able to find some balance where I could put things in perspective when I needed to, but at the same time be able to care about the things going on around me.

The best way for me to describe it is that it feels like I’m always comparing myself and my surroundings to the universe, and it all just seems so inconsequential.[/quote]

Do you mean Apathy?
No matter what you do or dont do- it makes no difference at all? Its not that you want to fail or screw up in every aspect of life- its just that you dont care whether you win or lose. Either way its all the same. Life and death are the same…
If thats what you are going through then I would say yes- its depression.

I went through this a few years back. Once in a while when my mind you to clear out for a while I used to look back at the state my life was in and wonder why I wasnt doing anything abt it. At that time kept thinking of it as a character flaw. I used to read up on philosophy and theology hoping to find the answer as to why anything matters at all.
Needless to say it kept getting worse and worse.
The only thing that helped me later was medicine- antidepressants.
If you really are going through the above, then as I said before see a med.

In the meanwhile you can start running which is supposed to be a natural antidepressant. Never did this this personally though.

Also check this series out on youtube 7 videos: