T Nation

Brokeback Mountain -- A Review

After chewing ass at DirecTV I ended up with 6 months of HBO and Showtime for free. The gf and I chuckled when we saw Brokeback Mountain was in rotation on HBO so I set the Tivo. I always wanted to check it out figuring it was a utter piece of cinematic crap and it was praised only because of the controversial subject matter. I was right.

It wasn’t terrible, tolerable if you are really bored. The bad? The movie has numerous issues that make it almost unwatchable. The film wants to be a western drama with beautiful scenery about cowboys(or sheepboys I guess), a half assed action movie, or a romance drama. The timeline of the movie jumps all over the place. Fadeout one scene, fade in the next and 5 years have passed and the viewer doesn’t really have much of an idea what the fuck is going on.

The acting also isn’t great from the main actors. Heath Ledger’s character mumbles like he doesn’t have a tongue and has half a tin of chew in his mouth. I honestly could not understand over half of what he said. Jake Gyllenhaal just plain sucked. He had the same blank expression on his face throughout the entire movie. I thought he was awesome in Donnie Darko but kinda blew it here(hehe).

Aside from that not much else happens in this movie. These two guys spend a summer herding sheep and fall in love I guess and the rest of the movie spans 20 years or so of them moving on with their lives while trying to stay in touch and keep there love affair going. Not much to keep you interested.

I will say it does have a few shining moments. There is a great(and brief) fight scene where Heath Ledger beats the crap out of two biker dudes. He said a great line to one of them. Something about knocking half his fucking teeth out if he didn’t fuck off. Again, he mumbles and you can’t really understand what he is saying. Secondly, there is a chick that my gf said was in Dawson’s Creek that shows her cans. And the main attraction(for me anyway)was seeing Disney princess Anne Hathaway’s boobs in all their glory. And let me tell ya…damn thems is niiiiice(Borat gives two thumbs up!).

So yeah, not that good. Not even a lot of on screen man loving, about the same of a tame Six Feet Under episode. In my opinion this movie didn’t deliver as a film or from all the hype surrounding it. I want those 2 hours of my life back.

So in summary, you claim to have a girlfriend and you are reviewing buttf*ck mountain for a bodybuilding website’s forum readers?

Not that there is anything wrong with that…

Here is a question to redeem yourself:

Were there any hot lesbian cowgirls in it?

Its a generic story just set to gay men. Had this not been a gay movie it wouldn’t have gotten a lick of attention. The cinematography is great though.

[quote]PGA wrote:
Its a generic story just set to gay men. Had this not been a gay movie it wouldn’t have gotten a lick of attention. The cinematography is great though.[/quote]

I thought it was ok. Seeing Ann Hathaway’s boobs was awesome though.

I thought it was a wonderfully inspiring picture about love and commitment.

Naw, not between Jack Twist and Ennis Del Mar.

I mean between Heath Ledger and Michelle Williams. ha ha Apparently they hooked up during the movie and have been banging the box ever since.

I can just hear Michelle Williams telling her kids how she met their daddy. “Kids, I met your daddy on a movie set where he played my husband who decided he was gay and left me for another man.” Yep, I would like to hear that conversation. ha ha

In all seriousness I watched the movie 4-5 times on DirecTV as well. My wife began to suspect I had some “issues” until she came in the room when Michelle Williams’ tits were swinging in the breeze. I just smiled as my wife’s “fears” dissipated. Now she thinks I have a problem with porn…which is better than her thinking I might run off and join the gay cowboy rodeo. ha ha

I had high hopes that Linda Cardellini (Cassie) would put the top down but no such luck. That would have been a nice touch.

At the end of the movie I was struck by an indisputable fact. Jake Gyllenhaal played a great weirdo in Donnie Darko. He also did a pretty good job playing a marginal Marine in Jarhead. However, he does not make a good cowboy. Of course, that may have been by design since none of the characters in the movie thought he was much of a cowboy either.

I was also bothered by Heath Ledger’s mumbling but concluded that it must have been a result of two factors.

  1. Heath Ledger (an Australian) had to try hard to capture the speaking mannerisms and simplemindedness of his character. “You know me Jack. The only travelin’ I ever done was around the outside of a coffee pot lookin’ fer the handle.”
  2. This was a low budget movie so the sound equipment (and ability to shoot retakes) may have been less than stellar.

I was unfortunate to be flipping through the channels when I ran across this movie. Luckily for me it was the seen were the one guy is getting his fucking skull crushed by like 3 dudes with crowbars. I would never harm a gay person but that doesn’t mean I can’t appreciate a fictional scene of some cockmonger getting his head bashed in!!

Anne Hathoway shows her boobs in it. Crap, now I will watch Brokebutt Mountain.

Which one dies in the end?

[quote]obatiger11 wrote:
I was unfortunate to be flipping through the channels when I ran across this movie. Luckily for me it was the seen were the one guy is getting his fucking skull crushed by like 3 dudes with crowbars. I would never harm a gay person but that does mean I can’t appreciate a fictional scene of some cockmonger getting his head bashed in!![/quote]

Watch it, you might hurt Rockscar’s or rrjc5488’s feelings.

[quote]unforgiven2 wrote:
Which one dies in the end?[/quote]

Jake

[quote]PGA wrote:
obatiger11 wrote:
I was unfortunate to be flipping through the channels when I ran across this movie. Luckily for me it was the seen were the one guy is getting his fucking skull crushed by like 3 dudes with crowbars. I would never harm a gay person but that does mean I can’t appreciate a fictional scene of some cockmonger getting his head bashed in!!

Watch it, you might hurt Rockscar’s or rrjc5488’s feelings.[/quote]

SORRY!!! I had a momentary lapse of sensitivity.

[quote]PGA wrote:
unforgiven2 wrote:
Which one dies in the end?

Jake[/quote]
Did he die of food poisoning???
Did he eat a bad weinee?
Ahhhh LOL!!
I know, shut up, sorry bad joke.

[quote]unforgiven2 wrote:
Anne Hathoway shows her boobs in it. Crap, now I will watch Brokebutt Mountain.[/quote]

I have no idea who she is so I google her. Decent looking but nothing special. I think I will skip this movie.

[quote]unforgiven2 wrote:
Which one dies in the end?[/quote]

Don’t you mean, who gets it in the end?

If you enjoyed this movie, you might also like…

“Rear Window”

“Hot Dog The Movie”

“Buns of Steel”

[quote]Zap Branigan wrote:
unforgiven2 wrote:
Which one dies in the end?

Don’t you mean, who gets it in the end?[/quote]

LMAO!!!

A quick google search would allow you to watch both female nudity scenes without sitting through the entire 2 hours of man love.

[quote]Chickenmcnug wrote:
So in summary, you claim to have a girlfriend and you are reviewing buttf*ck mountain for a bodybuilding website’s forum readers?

Not that there is anything wrong with that…

Here is a question to redeem yourself:

Were there any hot lesbian cowgirls in it?[/quote]

So you are saying that bodybuilding isn’t gay in anyway? What planet do you live on? Oh, and check my pics. :wink:

[quote]analog_kid wrote:
Chickenmcnug wrote:
So in summary, you claim to have a girlfriend and you are reviewing buttf*ck mountain for a bodybuilding website’s forum readers?

Not that there is anything wrong with that…

Here is a question to redeem yourself:

Were there any hot lesbian cowgirls in it?

So you are saying that bodybuilding isn’t gay in anyway? What planet do you live on? Oh, and check my pics. :wink:
[/quote]

Ok, ok. You got your hand almost on her hoo-hoo. But that hat is a little fancy if you ask me…