In all seriousness-
There's online groups, Breasticles Anonymous, Mammaries International, and a whole section of self help books at Barnes & Noble.
But what they really hafta do is stop hanging around. Perk up, pucker up, and face life head on. that's the only way to do it. cant go hangin around all the time, lumpy and sweaty with no focus and 2 different directions.
or there's always suspenders.