T Nation

Breaking Up

Why is it they always say honesty is the best policy when it comes to relationships,yet you are deemed the jerk when you want to break up with someone? Is it better to swallow your feelings and be miserable? I think not, but this is my dilemma. To make matters worse, we are engaged. I just am seeing into the future and do not see a happy existence. Not to mention financial stress, I am expected to pay for EVERYTHING wedding related, since she is about 20k in debt and her parents have no money. And before someone tells me to grow a pair, she is a master manipulator and is capable of almost anything.

Why would you marry a girl who’s family has no money. That’s asking for financial trouble that you almost cannot control. I’m not saying that should be your sole indicator, I’m saying it is a red flag.

Pull the plug dude, if you’re not happy why try and make things work.

[quote]paulypaul wrote:
And before someone tells me to grow a pair, she is a master manipulator and is capable of almost anything. [/quote]

So you handed them to her willingly is what you’re saying.

Get your ass out of there son. Now.

[quote]paulypaul wrote:
Why is it they always say honesty is the best policy when it comes to relationships,yet you are deemed the jerk when you want to break up with someone? Is it better to swallow your feelings and be miserable? I think not, but this is my dilemma. To make matters worse, we are engaged. I just am seeing into the future and do not see a happy existence. Not to mention financial stress, I am expected to pay for EVERYTHING wedding related, since she is about 20k in debt and her parents have no money. And before someone tells me to grow a pair, she is a master manipulator and is capable of almost anything. [/quote]

Are you in love with this person? If so, you should ask yourself why the fuck you’re in love with a master manipulator capable of anything. Anything, that is, except earn enough money and make smart enough financial decisions to stay out of debt.

As far as the alleged paradox regarding honesty and being honest by breaking up with someone goes, it’s a fallacy to say that the person who does the dumping is labeled a jerk by everyone. The friends and family of the person being dumped may think this way, but the other person’s friends and family may feel differently and may even feel relieved that you finally shit-canned the conniving little bitch. Hell, if you dump the woman in question I wouldn’t be surprised if even some of her more perceptive friends and relatives realized a long time ago that she’s a shady fucking whore who’s probably fucking ten different guys of varying ethnic origins behind your back and they end up outwardly saying that you’re a jerk just to appease her, but inwardly you’re their fucking hero for tossing her out on her ass before she sunk her claws any deeper into you.

So it sounds to me like you’re up Shit Creek without a shit paddle unless you dump her. Do it. Be alpha, broski.

I don’t know how much of your decision is over money, but holy hell the cost of a wedding??? Really??? You know you and she can get a get a mariage license and get married, just you and she, for next to nothing. That’s what my wife and I did. We probably spent more on gas driving to The Hitching Post than we did on any of the actual marriage stuff. That shouldn’t be any factor whatsoever.

I could understand if she is demanding a big expensive wedding while being so much in debt. That would be a deal killer for e too.

When it comes to marriage, being 100% sure you want to go through with it is the bare-minimum requirement for it to even possibly work out.

Throw financial troubles into the mix (which there is nothing I own that I would not wager will only get worse with time) and you’re decision is pretty much made for you.

Cut her off like a diseased hand.

This sounds like the OP wants to break up with her and wants some reassurance with his decision. I mean, who comes to TNation for such serious advice; this is a move that EXUDES desperation and unhappiness (no offense OP).

OP:
You do NOT sound happy. Who cares if some people don’t like you, especially if they’re outside of your family and you may likely not spend time with them again (even if you do, fuck it). This is about THE REST OF YOUR FUCKING LIFE. Take charge and do what YOU want, not want you think is “right.”

Rule #1 : treat yourself with respect.

[quote]Jeffrey of Troy wrote:
Rule #1 : treat yourself with respect.[/quote]

x2
Life is short man. Don’t waste it being miserable.

DO NOT MARRY HER MAN IT WILL BE THE WORST DECISION YOU EVER MADE IN YOUR LIFE

/Thread

Run. Too many red flags to make this a good decision.

[quote]paulypaul wrote:
…she is a master manipulator and is capable of almost anything. [/quote]

Get the f*ck out of Dodge buddy, and fast.

I remember hearing this quite somewhere and it seems very valid to me.

Do not marry a woman unless you would be proud to have a daughter exactly like her.

I guess the same quote goes for ladies too but opposite.

Seems like you need to make some serious tough decisions and I do not envy you. Good luck OP.

Rocky loves crazy broke chicks.

Id marry her til I got bored

RUN

LIKE

FUCK

Does she give good head regurarly?

What does her best friend look like?

Mount the friend and post on FB

I don’t get what everyone else is talking about, this girl sounds awesome … Knock that bitch up and enjoy the ride son!!