T Nation

Breaking Up with Your Girlfriend?

What’s up T-crew, I just wanted to ask you all why some girls can’t be up front and tell you that they want to break up with you? Last night, I just broke up with my girlfriend, because she was too chicken to tell me a month ago that she wanted to be just friends. Basically, these past 30 days were filled with her ACTING like she did not want to be with me, but never telling me. I mean, I got several clues, but when I brought it up to her, she would just change the subject. So very confusing. So last night I asked her if she was treating me like crap because she just wanted to be friends, and she replied affirmatively. So last night I told her, that if she wanted to be just friends, she could have said that a long time ago, instead of making it a very drawn out relationship. There are no hard feelings, but a question lingers indeed. So my question to the ever-so-sharp T-gang is, why couldn’t she just tell me?

Could be some deep-seated fear of being the rejector. By acting as she did, she could make frustrated to the point where YOU bocome the rejector, and her the rejectee (instant victim and the recipient of much pity).

Just thinking out loud here, a possible scenario.

Because generally people are pussies(girls included0 and they avoid confrontation at all costs. She wanted to avoid having to tell you herself and you let her off the hook by breaking up with her. You should have drawn it out even longer and tried to get naked pictures or at least get you brown belt.
:slight_smile: Groove

Maybe she didn’t tell you cuz she didn’t know how to start the conversation. shrug

Brider, you might be onto something because she seemed so calculating about the whole thing. Smart girl.

Groove, lol, hindsight!! just kidding; she was a wonderful girl, and I had a fun time with her.

Stella? What do you mean?? How can she not know how to start the convo? I kinda see what you mean, but at the same time, I think that’s a little vague.

Brider and Groove are pretty dead on. Passive-agressiveness like that makes her appear the saint/martyr/victim while you appear the asshole. It gives her the excuse to “mourn” the relationship and milk sympathy from people. Plus, a lot of guys (pussies) have no idea how to get close to chicks if they didn’t play the “friend” role to a grieving female. Their hope is that by being supportive the lil’ chickie will drop her drawers for the bitch who’s shoulder she’s been crying on. Aack. Pardon my expelling a furball at the thought of the games people play.

Holy crap Karm, good little bit of info right there…

karma, just outta curiosity…how would one go about getting in her drawers without having to play the friend role? Remember, just outta curiosity, nothing more.

Antny16 - Thanks! Got plenty more where that came from…

Chrismcl - You’re asking me how you get in a chick’s pants without pulling the “sympathetic friend” bullshit? Um, don’t take this the wrong way, but how about by being a MAN? And having CT’s build wouldn’t hurt your chances either… Anyway, I can only give very specific info on how I make that happen - other chicks are a tad different. There’s a thread not too far below this dealing with pickup lines and the ilk. That info would hold true for the majority of females.

She may want to break up with you, but she probably doesn’t know how to say it so that it won’t hurt your feelings. It’s not something she can blurt out over dinner or something, esp. if you’ve been very nice to her.

Karma, yeah, I agree that it is passive-agressive of her to do that, especially for one month. But she keeps text messaging my cell phone saying that she’s sorry. So what’s the deal with that? Also, her college has a banquet coming up toward the end of the semester, and she still wants me to be her date. What is the deal with that?

Stella, yeah, now I see what you mean. However, on several occasions, I did tell her that if she wanted to be just friends, that I would be extremely comfortable with that situation.

Man i am going through the same thing right now. My girlfriend and i have been hot and cold for the last month. I have eliminated the rejectee thing as i have all but walked away several times and she stops me because she does still care about me but won’t tell me what is truly wrong. ( too long to get into with out writing a novel. ) it has been said guys don’t know how to talk or ‘express their feelings’ but it seems that every girl i have dated won’t talk when push comes to shove. that is even more confusing.

I agree with many of ~karma’s~ points. And yes, she may have the need to make you seem like the asshole in order to get over the whole thing or rationalize it.

You knew it was coming from the way she acted and treated you, it’s just too bad she wouldn’t just tell you!

As for her sending messages and wanting you to go with her, forget about it! Don’t bother answering the messages and don’t attend the engagement. It’s not worth the hassle.