If i had a son who I’d raised for 18 years to be masculine, and he came home doing feminine shit after a semester at college - I’d be fucking livid.
I guess I’d also be livid if i had a son or daughter who was woke, but I’ll assume we have wildly different belief systems.
Yeah, he has a lot of female friends
I don’t actually think we do. I don’t care bc it has no effect on me so I personally don’t understand why it’s worth wasting effort policing this but ig it hits differently as a parent
Mum also gets into me about not caring enough about my own appearance (ie no makeup, “too muscular” wearing all black). From my perspective, I’m just doing what’s efficient.
Otoh, I have read (and done) research saying that first impressions do matter so maybe she’s after that, at least subconsciously?
When I asked her, she said “it’s too feminine”
Yeah.
I had an earing in like 1985 until the first couple of wrestling practices, when it was ripped out doing gramby rolls or something.
Hey Anna I’m curious, who wears the pants in your household?
Wears the pants?
Her mom.
In my younger GTL days - I was super tan, jacked, juicy, and had both my ears pierced.
Met my wife that way LOL.
First impressions definitely matter in the business world and everywhere really.
Also, perception is reality.
My ears are pierced. Had my nose pierced for a while too, but I didn’t really like it. (I was the guinea pig for a relative who was opening a piercing shop.)
While watching my son recently, my Eritrean aunt painted his toenails. I mention her nationality because I’m not sure if that’s a thing there or not, haha. I remember me and my cousin asking to get our toenails painted when we were little kids and saw an aunt doing hers. We just thought it looked fun.
The emo look is coming back, and one of its main faces is sleeping with Megan Fox.
I think it’s been said before in different threads but I really don’t see this stuff mattering. If a dude decides he likes others dudes or decides he wants to become a woman, it won’t be because he got his ears pierced at age 20 and that experience “turned” him.
I very much lean towards the “traditional” ideas regarding gender, gender roles, and sexuality, and if my son tells me he wants to dye his hair pink, get his ears pierced, or comes home at age 13 having done those without telling me, my main concern will not be his sexuality. There’s a lot more that goes into masculinity than just a physical appearance. Lots of guys focus on that stuff too much and end up with sons who aren’t really that great of men. I know a guy whose dad encouraged muscles, facial hair, and tattoos. Like him! But that was all he taught him. This guy is now a cowardly womanizer. He looks like a model for a biker gang but he’s a terrible person.
Rant over.
Mostly, I’d be a tad concerned about the abuse that he may well find himself being on the receiving end of…other than that it is what it is.
I get my toenails done. The last time, I did like a sparkly blue color. I let my son pick it out.
I think this whole thing means something COMPLETELY different depending on what age group / demographic we’re talking about. For instance: my son is 8. When he gets colored nails, it’s because he’s a kid and he thinks it’s fun. It has absolutely nothing to do with sexuality or gender.
For me, it’s because a) I wear flip flops all the time, and b) it’s an expression of ‘I can do whatever the fuck I want, and I dare you to tell me I can’t have pink nail polish.’
Also, nah. This is such a regional opinion. What you’re saying is just 10000% not true in big cities.
I saw a lot of weirdness/personal expression in college that disappeared after graduation. A LOT of male friends got eyebrow/lip rings, grew their hair out, colored it blue, dressed ridiculously, whatever. Basically all of them grew out of it in a couple years. It’s really not a big deal IMO. If you go to college in a big city, you’re going to see a lot of this. Even at my relatively conservative university, it was prominent.
Better not send him to a big school then, lol.
Fucking absolutely. I don’t EVER have my masculinity questioned, and I wear crop tops, jorts, and paint my nails. All of the other aspects of who I am scream masculine, there’s no mistaking who I am and what I stand for, regardless of how I dress.
For Andrew, I would say this is FAR more important. If my son comes home looking like… IDK, whatever. He can look like ANYTHING as far as I’m concerned. Wear whatever the fuck he wants. As long as he’s kind and respectful to others, and has a strong value system, I will trust that he will be successful and happy, and that is quite literally all I care about for him.
If he shaved his balls then he is pleasing all of his lady friends, 
Really? You don’t have any lines regarding your son’s appearance where you would try to steer him in a different direction?
The whole spectrum from Ward Cleaver to Tekashi 69 is cool with dad?
You live somewhere around Austin TX, right?
I’m largely unaware of what’s happening in TX, but I think the big cities there are getting all the extra gayness that comes with folks fleeing Cali. Not saying that’s a bad thing, but pierced ears are uncommon in small town boys, and colored nails are even less common than that (unless doing the weird black nails goth/emo thing, if that even exists anymore). I grew up in a town of about 1,500 people and our high school was shared by 3 towns with an average graduating class of 120 students. The only boys who ever colored their nails (albeit black coloring) were clearly lashing out and were known to be druggies (which really just meant they smoked weed every now and then… different time, different place).
Anyways, I agree that the most important thing is being a good human, but I also think that traditional masculinity in appearance and actions are one in the same for 99% of folks - but maybe I’m the odd duck. I can confidently say I never once had nail polish on my nails until my daughter caught me off guard.
it looks like a Unicorn threw up on his face and then my daughters colored it…
Andrewgen, what does it mean to be traditionally masculine in actions and appearance, please explain that.
Fair comment. I guess face tattoos/ permanent things are more concerning, but not because it would bother me so much as I would be worried about it bothering him later in life. I was really thinking exclusively along the lines of non-permanent things, I figured that was assumed since I mentioned the idea of growing out of these things post-college. But, yea, face tattoos, and I’m sure you could come up with other things too that I haven’t even considered. I don’t think there’s anything he could wear that would bother me, in and of itself. Now, if we’re talking about really erratic or concerning behavior along with the clothing, that would be a different issue, I want to make sure I’m not conveying the idea that he can say/do anything he wants without me objecting. This is strictly about appearance.
Dallas. And I’m actually in the city, not a suburb. Dallas is not much different, demographically, from when I was growing up (I’ve been here 39 years now). Gay has always been around. The cali-influx is very recent, and also significantly more prominent in the suburbs, because that’s where most of the tech companies/new housing developments are.
which is why I said this is a regional thing. Small towns in Texas are probably much like the one you grew up in, if not more conservative. I can tell you that my ex wife’s parents, who lived in a tiny town, absolutely do not share my views.
I grew up in Garland, which is a Dallas suburb. There are 240,000 people in that suburb alone. The DFW metroplex is 6.5 million people. My high school graduating class was like 750, and we were one of 6 high schools that size just in Garland (there were also smaller schools).
So yea, I would expect VERY different things from those environments. When you have such a large number of people in one place, you’re going to see a lot more variety, and you’re mostly going to have to be ok with it. That, or be miserable, lol.
My son is 16 and wears nail polish and eyeliner and I don’t give a sh*t.
NOW<
At 14 he wore a dress for his grade 9 grad photos. I wasn’t too thrilled, but I kept my opinions to myself.
He hung around only with girls who said they were boys and he wanted to be supportive of their “gender discomfort” or w/e.
That’s why he did it, and that’s fine. If he were gay that would be fine too.
He doesn’t feel he’s a different gender, it’s just that all of his friends do. So he tries to be very gung ho about it all.
My only concern at first was that he was going to get the crap kicked out of him. And that was coming from how my life was in high school. It worried me, but I have come to realize kids aren’t like that anymore from what I can tell.
I no longer worry about the stuff he does to discover his style or to go through the awkwardness of puberty.
I looked absurd at 16 trying to figure out who the hell I was.
I assume in about 5 years he will no longer be doing these things, but if he still is, so be it.
ALthough< I really hope he doesn’t wear a dress to grade 12 grad lol.
He and I also do not discuss politics or things surrounding this stuff because we respect each other’s opinions about it. As long as he’s safe and happy…
