Boilerman Wants It All

Got back to the lifting room today, stood there for a few minutes and thought to myself… “I just don’t want to fucking do this”. I’m in a strange headspace right now where I want to lift and get better but my willpower has evaporated, likely due to time. I haven’t had much time to do anything lately, so when a free moment arises, I just don’t know what to do with myself. When I had the rare opportunity today, I not only didn’t feel like it, I had no idea what I wanted to get done. I need a plan that is more involved than hitting 20 reps on squats and then do whatever else you feel like doing. I need something where any and all thinking has already been done, the plan is laid out and clear with minimal to zero need for interpretation.

I’m getting to a point where fat loss has slowed down a bit, but I’m not lifting enough for it to matter anyway- I feel small and weak, specifically in my upper body which has been completely neglected these past couple of months. I weighed in at 200 lbs this morning which is the lowest I’ve been in a looonngggg time.

I am still unsure of what, exactly, I want to do with lifting. I want to get stronger, I want a 5 plate deadlift, I want to get bigger but I just don’t know how to get there. For the time being, I may just start 531/RP again.

This is me today

This is me at 227 a few months ago

This is me at 19_ almost two years ago

Its tough that I looked better, performed better and felt better two years ago than I do today.


Pretty sure you didn’t have a new baby two years ago, my dude. The fact that you’re doing anything right now—even if it’s not as frequent or as directed as you might like—is a big win.

Hang in there. You’ll be killin’ it again before you know it!


This is the place I’ve had to overcome to get back at it recently. I’ve been back at it a good few months now, but I haven’t want to do a thing, not a single thing, I’ve honestly hated almost all of it, and it’s not getting any easier. I honestly can’t tell you how to get the desire back (because I haven’t) but I can say this, just force yourself to do it anyway, the good news is the results come whether you have motivation and desire or not, and if you don’t you’ll regret where you let yourself drop to, I know from personal experience!

Yea you’ve got more on than previously, so maybe adjust some things about the training, allow for diminished recovery capacity and reduced time and reduced ability to frequent the gym, but still get in there and get after it, regardless of how you feel, and keep posting here, it helps (my previous MO has been to disappear off the forum when not training but that just makes it easier).

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You’ll be fine boilerman, you’re doing great. No shame in taking a week off of lifting and doing something else during that time.

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Thanks Sven, I am very in tune with the deep responsibility of taking care of the little guy- he really takes precedence over everything in my life. I hope my post didn’t come off as complaining about that. I love everything about being a father and wouldn’t have it any other way.

I guess my frustration stems from the two years previous to these past couple months. I thought I was on a decent track, and while I do program hop pretty frequently, I bring it all when I lift. Just a little down on myself for not being in a better spot right now physically. Like you said, though, I’ll be back to it to keep getting better.

@alex_uk yeah man, it’s tough. I know you’re very busy and have come and gone from tnation a couple times and it’s always great to see you back. You’re right- I should do something whether or not I feel like I should. I can count the number of days I haven’t lifted because I just didn’t feel like it on one hand, but I can’t make it a normal thing. I should keep moving forward, however slow the progress will be.

@tlgains thanks buddy. I know I’ll be fine, just had to write it down. I like posting both my wins and my losses here. It helps me keep my shit straight and also helps hearing from you fellas.


Quite the contrary, brother! I just know I tend to lose the forest for the trees, sometimes, and outside perspectives can be helpful: You really are doing amazing things in here!

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I think sometimes it is hard to see the wood for the trees especially if you only consider the mirror as feedback for success. That’s why i like strength goals over image goals. You either pulled that 450 or you didn’t, no grey area. I have realized in the past 6 years I have been back training in the gym that whilst strength and physique and linked. As in ‘if you get stronger you will add some muscle and if you add some muscle you will get stronger’. It isn’t a straight forward relationship.

If you really want to look good and that is your measure of fit and healthy then the commitment to training and more importantly diet is 100%. So many great athletes out there in sports like Rugby, Football (American and Aussie rules) who are way stronger, faster and fitter than me, with coaches and time on their hands to do all the right stuff and not many of them look like the cover of muscle and fitness.

Give yourself a bit a break mate, you have made great progress these last few years and do more than 90+% of other dads already. Then maybe really think about what you want next out of your training and build a short to medium term plan around that. In my experience the best progress is made when you chase down a goal with passion.


513RP W1D1


135 x 18, 7, 4

NG chin
x 5
x 5
x 12, 5, 3

BB tri extension
Bar x 21, 11, 6

Cable crunch

…and so it begins.

I really liked this challenge the last time I ran it, and I got some pretty good results from it. It’s only two days a week, which is perfect. Cardio on off days (and on) is covered by 1000% due to work, so I’m good there.

All in all for not lifting for over a week, this was not as bad as I imagined it would be. The rest pause stuff is always brutal, but the weights I anticipated to feel horrible moved ok.

Weighed below 200lbs this morning.

@simo74 I appreciate the post, dude. After a little bit of self-reflection, I came to the conclusion that I should stop feeling sorry for myself and just nut up and do the work. I know what I want, and even if I have to slowly chip away at it I’ll reach my goals over time. Some times it helps me to step away and regain perspective on things before diving back in.

Also, my wife and I had a great conversation about using our own personal time to help one another continue to do the things we love. She has noticed I’ve been a little out of whack lately. She’s also had a rough go of things after the birth, and I’ve been trying my best to help her out with more around the house so she can continue to recover quickly and get back to the things that she loves doing. I use my time to help her accomplish her personal goals and she will do the same for me, all while giving the baby and the other (more hairy) baby the attention they need and deserve. We will still have times that we won’t be able to make the plan work, but we’re on a great path.


Sounds like you have an incredible wife mate. Just keep being the best you can, for her, baby and yourself. You’re all good mate.

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531 RP W1D2


Seated press
95 x 14, 6, 4

Kroc row
90 x 33 R
90 x 32 L

Cable curl
30 x 16, 8, 5


Appreciated the juxtaposition of these two statements haha

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Lol yeah I guess love isn’t quite the correct word there…