T Nation

Birds and Bees


Anybody out there had the sex talk with your tyke ? My boy is 11 and I think it's time. Matter of fact, I've thought it's time for a while now but I'm dreading it, since I never got the talk and wound up a young dad.

Suggestions and advice much appreciated .



Set him down and try not to be real serious about it,( frowning on it and the likes). Let him know the truth, it's fun, it's really fun, and with the right girl it's a whole lot of fun.

Ask him what he want to be when he grows up. What are his hobbies? Explain to him that sex is okay but he needs to make sure he is doing it safely, 1 kid with the wrong girl can keep him from having everything he wants in life.

Let him know there is nothing wrong with it but he needs to be careful.

And if a girl tells him she wants a baby, and it would make her happy, let him know he doesn't have to be the one to make her happy, and he should run like hell.

Just tell him to take his time, don't rush into it, and don't let your friends know what you did with so and so, cause it will make him look like an ass, and no girl is going to want to do it with him if he's running at the mouth.

1 be respectful,let him know the benefits to being respectful to the girl.

Most of all from a parents view don't be too uptight about it and talk to him like a friend explain it to him like an older brother. Dont be too overbearing our you might regret it later, he'll do the wrong thing just to spite you.



If you live in the right enviroment you don't really need it.

Anyways, do what my dad did. Say it off hand, like a joke. Don't get all serious about it. If your uppity about it, they will be to.

The "serious" sex talk comes at 14ish, which I have just recieved (and with health in school nowadays 100% did not need).

Take it from someone with a dad who did it right. Say it casualy, jokingly, or playfully. Don't make such a big deal about it, and they'll find out about it on there own out of curiosity. Personally, I was smart enough to think "tab A go's into slot A" way before my dad said anything. He just kinda confrimed it. He probably has the general idea already in his head, you just gotta trigger it becoming more prominent.

My .02


There are some pretty good books on the subject in the kids/young readers section of some bookstores. I'm not suggesting that you just give him the book, but that you read it with him and use it as a guide for discussion. It was a useful tool when I gave "the talk."

Good Luck.


Is real good for graphic demonstrations


My parents gave me a book to read, and told me to ask if I had any questions. At the young age, I was in shock and disbelief that my parents did that with eachother. No questions were asked, and my learning experience was mostly through school, media, peer groups and trial and error. Consequently, I was having sex at 13 and thank god I didn't get a girl pregnant or catch a case of something bad.

Talk to him. Find out what he knows; I bet you would be surprised. The physical part of it doesn't need much detail, and school will (should) cover the scientific part. Explore his emotional aspects, thoughts, etc.

Another thing I think is that it shouldn't be ONE talk. This is an ongoing thing, and his thoughts, emotions, pressures, knowledge and misconceptions change.

If you are uncomfortable about it, he will sense it. The more casual you are, hopefully the more at ease he feels.


Tell him he comes near my daughters and there will be hell to pay!


i have been around for 1/3 of a century and still have yet to hear the birds and the bees talks. i truly have no idea wth it is all about. i have applied my (dull) imagination for years to figure out how birds and bees relate to sex. all i got out of it was a really bad virus and a severely inflamed pecker.


[quote]combatmedic wrote:

Another thing I think is that it shouldn't be ONE talk. This is an ongoing thing, and his thoughts, emotions, pressures, knowledge and misconceptions change.

I cant believe I didn't even consider this. I have been building the conversation up tp be one monumental event, when it would probably be better to have a years long open discussion about it.

Thanks for the eye opener.


LOL..I never understood why "birds and bees' either. Why not, puppies and kittens.


Thanks for the words so far. Looks like Father's Day weekend will be the time for the BEGINNING of the 'don't be a father soon' talk.


HA. I have a daughter too. Only 6 but I'm dreading HER teen years!!!
Something about karma.


Yes, it comes back to haunt you!

And how hippocritical we are....?

If I had a son I'd buy him a van.

For my daughter...no boyfriends with vans!