T Nation

Biggest Lie You've Ever Told Someone?


#1

I’m a big fan of these off-topic threads now. “Things That Piss You Off” and “Strangest Person at Your Gym” are two of my favorites.

So, read the title. What’s the biggest/worst/most outrageous lie you’ve ever told? I’ve seen some crazy stories in this subforum, so I have high hopes for this thread.

I’ll start I guess:

I was in 8th grade at the time. I was raised Catholic (which is a topic for another time), and I was about to participate in my Confirmation. A week or two before, we were at our Religious Education class on Wednesday night, and instead of meeting in a classroom in the school/church hybrid that I attended for church, we went to the cafeteria to line up for Confessions.

So, obviously, being a 14 year old boy, I was a shitty person. Like most guys that age. My last name starts with A, so I was one of the first to go confess my sins to the priest. I sat down in that confession box thing (I’m sure there’s a name for it) with the divider between the priest and myself.

The priest asked me what I would like to confess. I said I couldn’t really think of anything I wanted to confess. I really couldn’t think of anything that I had done recently that was worth telling this guy.

I don’t know if this is standard protocol, but he started to offer suggestions.

“Have you lied to your parents? Do you do any drugs, break any laws? Have you stolen anything? Have you cheated in school, or watched pornography, or lusted after women?”

“Uh, no, I mean I lied to my mom last week but that’s about it. She found out I was lying and I apologized and she forgave me.”

So, yeah, I lied. To a priest, in a church, during an official Confession, a week before my Confirmation. I lied to my parents about little things all the time, got caught by cops while climbing public monuments with my friends, stole candy from the candy shop in my town (also with my friends), I cheated on tests all throughout middle school, I watched porn several times a week, and lusted after just about every girl I saw in school. I was 14. OF COURSE I DID THAT STUFF, and I’m sure he knew what 14 year old boys were like (not a sex joke). Looking back, I understand that lying is bad, but telling him the truth might’ve made him drown me in the baptismal font or beat me to death with a Bible in the name of God. Joking of course, but 14 year-old me was way too insecure to admit that stuff to anyone, even a priest who’s sworn to a covenant of confidentiality.

If you guys can top lying to a priest, have at it. If nothing else, it feels good to get that off my chest. Shoutout to T Nation for letting me post random stuff like this. Also, I promise I’m a better person now. So, what’s your lie?


#2

“I’m ok”


#3

I’m not mad, it’s fine.

-Every married person at some point


#4

Sumo isn’t cheating


#5

I’m only little!


#6

I was searching for ‘analyst’ and something went wrong with my search

analyst

This isn’t my lie. It was an excuse someone at a previous workplace used after violating the internet policy. I still laugh and am impressed with the quick witted response to the allegations.


#7

“Yeah, my cat loves it when you rub her belly. Go ahead.”


#8

If I used a condom on her it’s not cheating. Damn, she almost bought it.


#9

Any small talk really. I could give two fucks what anyone is doing or up to.


#10

“Yea I’m on my way”

Truth: I haven’t even put pants on.


#11

:anguished: one of those girls!


#12

Such a classic. Has anyone met a cat that likes belly rubs?


#13

I have 4. One male likes them. The other 2 take it as a cue to start play fighting.


#14

How many cat related Youtube channels do you subscribe to?

I’ve lost count.


#15

None tbh. If I start watching one, I won’t be able to stop so I typically avoid them lol.


#16

If a cat allows you to rub their belly they trust you to the highest degree, it takes a while to get to that point.

I know a catguy that will let me rub his belly anytime, we have a special bond. But he is a very trusting cat cause he’s had a spoiled life from the get go, and he’s never been burned trusting someone.


#17

Just the tip.


#18

“No man, that was all you!”


#19

:flushed:

Is that like one of those brony guys, but with cats.


#20

lol, that would’ve worked better if I did refer to him directly as a cat in the following sentence.