Big Sexy Update

In this week’s T-Nation:

Tough SOB’s by TC

You are a wimp. Yes, you are. No, really. Don’t think so? Read this week’s Atomic Dog and embrace your wussiness.

Poison Protein by Chris Shugart

An interview that will scare your pants off. Or, at the very least, your shoe will come untied.

Branding Iron by Chad “Hoss” Waterbury

Hell’s Angel training, 4x/week tricep training, Exact Antagonist Training, Side Push-ups: You don’t read this stuff in Muscle & Fiction, folks.

Exercises You’ve Never Tried by Chris Shugart and TC

From trap bar farmer’s walks to Siffie lunges, we present 8 weird exercises to confuse the bejesus out of the ACE personal trainers in your gym.

Massive Eating Reloaded by John Berardi

We were going to call it “Even Massiveer Eating” but then TC went all editor-in-chief and said “Massiveer ain’t a word.” “Well,” I replied, “Ain’t ain’t a word either.” Then we wrestled, broke a lamp and Tim put us in time-out.

News and Reader Mail

Skinny vegans, Cloreseptic for your willie, topless coffee shops and your wacky letters.

That sternum pullup rocks. I did a slight variation using two surgical towels to hang onto. Only problem is, I’m sore. Plus, I got kicked out of the gym for taking my shirt off as recommended in the article’s photo.

Darcy ~

I spoke to Lance the Manager at your Gym. Your version leaves out a few details that explain much.

#1. The surgical towels you speak of were monogrammed by your Mother and read: “To my little snookums, good luck with that teeth thing you wanna do”


#2. He was O.K with you and your towels but when you started French kissing the mirror while pinching your nipples and murmuring “I’m a sexy boy, yes I am, I am” he had had enough. He covered for you after what has become known as the “Gopher incident” but just how long did you think he could carry on doing so?

Now you are going to have to find a Gym that doesn’t mind that funny collar you wear on your ankle.

“I was at a bar nursing a beer. My nipple was getting quite soggy”

~ Emo Philips

You guys have done it again great issue. I love
Jb update on Massive Eating. I had great sucess
on old massive eating. I will give the new one a try.
Mybe I can go a bit longer with the slower method
of uping cals 250 every 2 weeks.

Thanks, Ken

Despite Cake’s tell-all details, I only have one thing to say: at least he didn’t go into the bathroom with another guy carrying a tape measure.

I knew a guy named Lance at a gym once. Not the manliest of men. Rumor had it that he and some friends performed an exercise called the “Stiffie Lunge.” Didn’t know the details of that one…and didn’t want to.

cupcake: where do you get the drugs from and why dont you share?

Gotta love that massive eating update. Now we have a place to simply send the daily post asking how to bulk up and not gain to much fat.

Great update JB, thanks.

As usual all the articles were of the highest quality. Great issue guys.


Mike Da’ Bear…

“Stiffie Lunges”…funny you should bring them up see, the “Lance” you speak of is actually a ghost writer for FLEX and those very same Stiffie Lunges are making an appearance in this month’s “Hard Gainers Guide To Getting Along In Prison”. Besides teaching proper lower back form whilst “catching” (also called the “Yes, I am your bitch” position) this article looks at the varied and free sources of protein that the big house provides.

Some of it is in the form of solid food too.

The inclusion of this article does come at a highly suspicious time as recently Joe Weider has called upon the IOC to sanction Prison Bathroom Ass-Raping as an Olympic event. “It’s clean I tell you, I mean the sport is conducted in the shower for Christ’s sake!” protested Joe when confronted about the similarities to Professional Baseball and Pro Body-Building.

Senior Editor Peter McGough was too busy marking off day’s till retirement on his “Glutes of the 90’s” calendar to comment.

Whetu, I am subject to naturally occurring, elevated levels of endorphins caused by sitting in my office all day with sexy lingerie that beautiful and appreciative female forumites have mailed me draped over my head. This has all but eliminated the need to close my door and the staff are quickly learning to avoid my office when they can hear me giggling from the hallway.

“Life’s tallest order is to keep the feelings up, to make two dollars’ worth of euphoria go the distance. And life can’t do that. So fiction does”

~ Stanley Elkin

How come there were no T-vixens at the reader mail section this week? with those tofu girls we sure needed a comeback…

Also, you guys keep mentioning how athletes rehab using steroids but never go into details. this is an intersting subject and I sure would like the low down on that.


I’ve been to that topless doughnut shop; pretty sweet!!!

I was staying in a hotel just across the street, and noticed it. You had to be 21 to go in, and I wasn’t, as well as a few of the friends I was with, so we didn’t bother. But then one night I raced this guy with a sweet 300zx and got toasted. I caught up to him at a gas station, and got talking to him, and he turned out to be the owner of the place, so he said my friends and I friends could come by for doughnuts the next morning. Pretty cool guy.

I was surprised too, because most strip joints here in Maine suck, but the ladies I saw there were damn hot.

Interesting the guy wants to make it a chain.


I’m coming to get those panties back you know!! Oh and there had better be no teeth marks on them either my boy, or you’re in trouble…

Chessie M.


Tofu Girls?

I’d hit it.

Dan “Then I’d feed 'em a steak.” McVicker

Really enjoyed Poison Protein by Chris Shugart.

I didn’t take the soy scares seriously before because it seemed to be geared more towards men. Thanks for asking about soy effects on women.

Lady Blu…

I must apologise, I have already eaten your knickers.

There was no note included directing me to save them for anything special and to tell you truth they were really, really fucking tight and it started as “just a nibble” to loosen the crotch and…well, you know how it goes…one nibble and…BAM…I’m picking an “inspected by” label outta my teeth.


Feel free to help yourself to any of mine as a replacement though.

You like Spiderman?

“I’m just looking for that moment
to drop my Jedi knickers and pull out my real light saber”

~ Ewan McGregor


I’ve heard that you don’t even need panties in June in some places in Canada?? Can you shed any light on this rumour??



Thought i’d throw my ring in the hat, a very good issue, anticipating massive eating 2 part 2,

keep it up Chris!!!, for a forum that is FREE there is some great stuff here. best decision i ever made was joining the t-family!! :slight_smile:

I also really enjoyed the issue. However, in future “Exercises You’ve Never Tried”'s I would be interested in hearing a little more detail on why an exercise is superior, or at least worth trying, as opposed to regular exercises.

Pete, we’ve explained it before in previous “Never Tried” columns, but since there’s been eight of them (plus a new one in the upcoming paper issue) we usually don’t repeat it.

Basically, these exercises aren’t always “better” just different. Christian Thibaudeau explains it very well in a new article of his running this Friday. Here’s a sneak peak:

“In our particular domain of interest, not only will variation provide for a much needed change of pace, but for most people it?s actually necessary for continuous growth. Your body will always adapt to a certain training stimulus. If you fail to change the stimulus at this point, muscle growth will come to a screeching halt… Obviously we have dozens of effective exercises to choose from, and regardless of what people say, not one of them is a “miracle growth” exercise. The training method you use and the effort you put into your training are much more important for maximum growth stimulation. However, having a lot of exercises to choose from can help relieve boredom and help with continuous progress. Furthermore, it?s true that some exercises might be great for some people but useless for others. Depending on your body structure, each exercise might have a different impact on your gains. These are two of the reasons why adding a few more quality exercises to your arsenal can be important.”

Hope that helps.

Good Lord, I’ve been busier than a one-legged man in an “ass-kicking” contest…

But I’m back, and it’s great to see that someone gave Cupcake back his modem. I thought after the whole “pornogate” scandal involving his chain of 7-11 wannabees that the police had shredded his IP address, but thankfully all public employees can be bought. Oh, except Paul Martin. He knew NOTHING… (oops, sorry Americans for the obscure Canadian Gov’t reference).

What’s this about eating panties, Cake? Is that one of the “alternate” exercises Chris Shugart mentioned? I think not. And as for the “gopher” episode, I ask that you bear in mind I was injecting myself in the ass at the time with novocaine so it didn’t hurt when guys would smack me for doing 5 pound dumbell curls in the squat rack.

And leave my nipples out of your public posts. All 3 of them.

Darcy “Thinks Dan McVicker’s funny” D.

ps. I guarantee satisfaction with my dry-humps.

I see, good points, thanks for the reply.