T Nation

Big Issue


#1

Hey guys, i know this site isn't really the 'top site' for my issue, but what the hell, i would love all opinions.
I met a girl a month ago. I love this girl, but she has been my girl friend for.. 4 days. Very early start.

She broke up with her ex b\f just last week after a 4 year relationship.
He moved to japan last month, (marine)
So..
But she has not had a period for 2 months. She's going to the doctor tomorrow morning, (5 hours) Well, at this point it's a pretty complex problem, but i wish it ended here, but theres more.
She's been telling me that she was going to break up with him for a few weeks, (he hasn't been responding to her calls\emails)
Well.. huge sigh
She broke up with him last week, and today she found out why he hasn't been responding, he's a firefighter, and he died in a fire, he burned to death.

What the hell do i do.

Thats a lot - jason, US Air Force

[b]********UPDATE*******

But i really thank everyone, she went to the doctor today, and she has UTI, so it stopped her period and is very close to morning sickness, god has some pretty cruel tricks, i might have had to call Dr. Phil on this shizzle, but no, she not preg. but that does not help that her ex just died, the drama's not over, but it just got alot easier.
thanks again, you guys are awesome.
Jason - US Air Force [/b]


#2

Damn...

Okay, did she break up with him only because he hasn't been calling her? Were they planning on maintaining a long-distance thing between them? Japan isn't exactly a long car drive, ya know. Need more info there.

About the pregnancy thing: If she has a history of weird to semi-weird periods (some women do), when you throw in the stress of "my boyfriend of 4 years is moving to another country", then that may be all there is to it. Stress.

This is some heavy shizzle, my friend.


#3

Very tough situation.

I guess you have to comfort her in the interim. Help her with her grief.

If she is pregnant, it's up to her whether she wants to keep it or not. If she does, then you have a big decision on your hands. Otherwise, you should just be there for her.

Good luck man


#4

guys thats so much for the quick replays, as for the 'odd peroid' deal, im not sure. She is going the doctor this morning, and we'll find out. I know that she's not up on the idea of getting it aborted. After all, the father just died supporting his contry while trying to save someone else's life. Ending another's chance at life would downright destroy her. I'm sorry i have so much more to type, but no will to type it. My next post will be the pergnant or not answer, all i can do tonight is pray and wait.


#5

Sounds like some kind of ethics test passed around through email. I would bet she was partly ready to move on when she met you. Meeting you and him moving sealed the deal. She probably wanted to break up earlier, but lack of communication and lack of guts stopped her for awhile. It's too bad he died in a fire, but you should still date her if you like her. None of this is your fault, if you're feeling guilty. If she's pregnant that adds a lot of decisions you both will have to make, but who knows, maybe it will turn out that she and her child are lucky you came into their life when you did. Or maybe you don't want to deal with this much after dating her for only 4 days.


#6

Forgive me, but you MET this chick a MONTH ago? And have been DATING for 4 DAYS? And you're IN LOVE with her?!

How old are you? 12? You don't even know enough about her to have a solid INFATUATION going yet even if you've spent 24/7/30 together!

Good fucking grief.


#7

I'm thinking you should step back.

You can certainly let her know that you are there, available, if she wants your company or support, but let her grieve.

If she decides otherwise, she can let you know.

If she hasn't shown an interest in getting involved after a reasonable period of time, then be prepared to move on. Rightly or wrongly you are in the middle of this, and again, rightly or wrongly, she may not be comfortable with you in her life any more.


#8

You should back off...

I mean back off bigtime. She might try to lean on you for emotional support but you can't misconstrue her need for attention as legitamate affection toward you.


#9

Hey man, i see where your coming from, but that is kinda insulting.
But i really thank everyone, she went to the doctor today, and she has UTI, so it stopped her period and is very close to morning sickness, god has some pretty cruel tricks, i might have had to call Dr. Phil on this shizzle, but no, she not preg. but that does not help that her ex just died, the drama's not over, but it just got alot easier.
thanks again, you guys are awesome.
Jason - US Air Force


#10

I have to echo karma's sentiment.

It isn't love, it is lust.

Back off or you will be the one getting hurt. Easy to say, hard to do.

This is a tough situation. Good luck.


#11

Get out, run away, retreat, withdraw, back off! This IS going to end up badly for you. You asked for advice, listen to it with an open mind. This is a bad situation. You have a lot of very strong feelings, but that doesn't mean that you are not going to get hurt or even "learn a lesson" in love that make you better in the end. There are no positives to this.

And don't start with the "I should be there for her" thoughts. It is not your responsibility, in fact all your involvement does is hinder her emotional growth. Tell her you can't see her anymore and be firm about it even if she cries.

Unless the pussy's really good, then keep hitting it.


#12

I agree with the "back off" vibes. You shouldn't be this into someone so quickly. This doesn't mean you can't date her, but you need to look at this objectively.

Also, you should encourage her to seek counseling. She can't (shouldn't) get this counseling from you... she should see a professional.


#13

Or the butt...don't forget to try the butt first. Then run.


#14

Um.... One, I'm not a man. That would be my ass in the avatar, not just someone I wanna hit. :wink: But wufuguy is actually a boy despite his avatar.... Confusing, I know.

Two, it's not insulting. It may be a tad rude or lacking in tact - but then polite conversation over matters such as this was never my strong point.

Three, you came here for advice. Take it from those who have "been there, done that" or at least seen it happen and learned the lesson vicariously.

And four, I'm not kidding... How old are you?! Your emotional reaction to this situation is very very immature - which speaks to either being very young, or very sheltered and naive.


#15

wow, you guys make me look nice. especially that one dick ... karma.

acquainted: 1 month
your g/f: 4 days
chances of her rebounding: > 99%
likelihood of long term success: < .01%
her being pregnant: PRICELESS

hit it

(make sure she is indeed pregnant. see that doctors signed paperwork. bitches lie, guys buy it, and therein lies the root of all evil)

or just get away from her if you can't deal

Bastard


#16

back off quick like. I'm not saying you have to desert her completely but I would definitely put some space in between you and she. 4 days to love someone is crazy. Like others have said, you wanted advice, now have an open mind and listen to it. Also, the whole idea of "I have to be there for her in her time of need" is kind of bullshit. I'm not saying you are thinking like this, but just in case you are, all that is, is a power trip for the support person.


#17

I say support her all you can. Be her friend and things will go the way they should, bad or good.....hey that rhymes!

It must be good advice.


#18

We're going to need an update on this sitch there fella...


#19

[b]

[b]

some of ya'll cant read